I'm new here and I am so glad to have found an online group since meeting in person isn't safe and I also have agoraphobia. I wanted to introduce myself to the group and have it be a nice post but I really am struggling. I can feel my depression swallowing me up. Getting out of bed everyday is a struggle and I'm even working from home (although I despise my job). My anxiety is crippling with panic attacks throughout the day. My psychiatrist recently changed my meds and by recently I mean 3 days ago. I see my therapist 3 times a week and I feel so useless and incompetent. I feel so isolated and alone but logically I think there must be others out there like me or who have experienced this before. Maybe it's because of the state of the world? I just don't know.
Thank you in advance.
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BFreudel
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Welcome! I have these same issues. You are not alone. If you ever need to talk things out please message me. We could help each other out. I just joined the community yesterday and I feel so much love and support already.
Hello friend, I suffer from extreme anxiety as well. Although I do not suffer from agoraphobia I am spending close to 20 hours in bed a day. The only time I leave the house is to go to doctor appointments. (Currently have daily TMS treatments - and meet with my psychologist 2x a week. Ironically for me pre covid I loved to get out of the house- go out to eat goto karate ir cub-scouts with my son; however now it is more if the same stay home and isolate. My home is like my kryptonite - I truly need to get out of it to feel normal. Low and behold my employer has made the decision that everyone will work from home until June 2021 at the earliest... my doctor has been changing my heads so fast it makes my heads spin, although now that we have started TMS there is less med changes (think TMS has helped with depression but anxiety is rampant)... Hang in there friend somehow we will get through this somehow some way
I really hope the TMS helps you. I did TMS last year and it really worked for me, but then I got into a bad car accident and got a TBI that was fairly mild but it undid all of the work I had done in TMS. I'm saving money to hopefully do TMS again because I did have a lot of success with it for my depression.
The state of the world may be playing a role. It is unlike any other year.
What strategies do you use to come out of a panic attack? 3 times a week sounds like a lot to me, but I am not you.
When I started with a new therapist last year, I asked her not to let me ruminate or vent and spend my hour telling stories.
I wanted someone to challenge me. I had become an expert at talking in circles and never getting to my point. Never really talking about my feelings with vivid words. It prevented me from accepting and acknowledging my history. It prevented me from writing my next chapter.
I feel like I try everything to come out of my panic attacks. I'll put on soothing music, I got a weighted blanket, I try these techniques my therapist has given me about "grounding myself" but it rarely helps. The attacks will usually last about an hour and then I feel shaken to my core after it.
Three times a week felt like a lot at first but I actually feel like I'm making more progress with the increased sessions. He just suggested we try it out to give me some stability and feel like I had a safe place with a safe person for support because I was spinning out of control. I was extremely suicidal at the time. My psychiatrist and my therapist communicate a lot together so that helps with having that strong support system for me. Especially when I'm in a dark period like now. It really doesn't help that Covid caused me to lose my dream job about 6 months ago and now I'm working this terrible sales job where I took a huge pay cut.
I am sorry this is so tough. I lost my job because of my depression and anxiety. Then I had a major car accident at the start of COVID. Then my "summer" job was closed due to the plague, also.
I have another question for you. If I say don't think about a purple gorilla. No DON'T think about a PURPLE GORILLA. What happens? Of course, you think about a purple gorilla.
When you are in a panic attack, you are thinking about trying to come out of the panic attack. I don't think you necessarily believe the techniques will work. Therefore they are doomed not to work. I have done the same thing. The replacement behaviors and positive self talk have to happen even when you are not in an attack. You will stop thinking about them because they will be a normal practice.
I have also found that one longer session worked better for me than more short sessions. Just about when I get going on a topic or a feeling, time is up.
Everyone is different, though. You will find things that work. You are worth the effort. The craziness of the world will get better. You will find your new dream job. I believe you can.
My names Emmalee. I struggle with depression and the last 3 days i've been from my bed to the bathroom to my couch. I don't have the energy to move or breathe or live. I'm tired of living but I'm to much of a pussy to kms. Anyway i take 100mg of my anxiety meds a day and they don't do anything i have panic attacks and sit in the dark bathroom till their over in a ball. We all have our different ways of coping with things. I know that you're not alone. I know that life is ass. And the world is terrible. So even though it hasnt for me. Life will get better for you just keep fighting.
I'm sorry for your struggle Emmalee. Sometimes I'll find myself staring off into space and 2 or 3 hours have passed. Literally every day is a struggle. I wake up in the morning some days and I'm disappointed I didn't die in my sleep.
I honestly feel that way. But i'm sure youre a great person. And you'll do great things. And i know that you've probably heard that a million times. But i mean it. Truely.
Emmalee, Peace to you. You are right that the world is a horrible place right now.
Do you tend to get worse in the winter? Have you tried the light bulbs with the whole light spectrum that mimics sunlight?
If you can do anything to get up and move, it will create momentum. I am stuck inside because it is only 25°F today. Create a checklist of things to do. At the end of the day, reflect and be proud that you got one or two accomplished.
It's technically a all around struggle year around. My mom and dad abandoned me and put me in like fostercare. And it is always messing with my mind. Not to mention I enharited my moms depression and anxiety genetically. But thanks for the advice I might have to try the checklist thing, and not sleep for 14 hours a day.
U aren't alone.I deal with that too.I finally switched to a low key job like cleaning and it is something I enjoy.Although sometimes it's hard to even do that!!!I like to color when I am anxious or something because that just relaxes me.
My friend who got me into my psychiatrist recently got me a coloring book for anxiety. It has cute animals with swear words and it brings a smile to my face while I relax. I feel like some of my anxiety and depression would be eased if I could find a job that didn't feel like it was crushing my soul. I'm constantly job hunting but with no luck.
I'm looking for a short term (2-3 years) job at a university or a non-profit. That kind of area. I'm in the process of trying to apply for grad school in clinical counseling, ironically.
Ok, it must be a staff position. Got it. I was thinking teaching or teaching assistant. I was tired. (Never text and sleep) LOL.
So, short term is what you are calling it because you want to work towards grad programs. Most "short term" jobs posted by me are 3-6 months independent contractor positions.
What is wrong with the current job that you feel it is crushing your soul? Your boss? Your colleagues? The work? The workplace culture?
Is there anything this group can help you with that will make your days better? I have been in several soul crushing jobs. I get it. My problem was that they were in my field of teaching, but the culture was horrible. I was bullied and harassed.
Once people found out I was different, it seemed like they clicked every trigger. I am trying to figure out how to forgive, but it is so hard.
What do you do to keep your anxiety in check? Universities are busy places (except in 2020). Do you want to become a one on one therapist? One of my first therapists worked from his home.
Yeah it's just a department manager job. Sorry, I should have made that more clear. I've worked at a university before and that was basically what I did. I actually enjoyed it until we got new management.
My current job is a sales job, which isn't what I was told when I applied and got it. So it's very much a "SELL, SELL,SELL" attitude all the time. It's a pest control company, which was never my first choice but I lost the job I really liked (Covid) so I needed something. My supervisor and the owner are horrible. No empathy. I had C Diff a month or two ago and had a horrible fever and basically bedridden and they told me to work from my bed and to work if I ended up in the hospital. There's also a cult mentality around the owner. He will say things to us like "I don't need to give you a raise or pay a living wage because you can earn SO much money on commission", which isn't true and cruel. And other people, including myself, will comment on our inability to afford our bills because of the job and people are just fine with that. I'm the only one who seems bothered by this. We don't get sick days or holidays. No types of benefits.
I would like to become a one on one therapist. Maybe open my own practice or join a practice. I've even considered working in a hospital. I've never minded the stress of a job as long as I can get along with co-workers and at least partly enjoy what I'm doing. I've been lucky that work normally doesn't make my anxiety or depression worse but now it is and it's very difficult to deal with that, plus I'm working from home so it's like work is always here lurking around the corner. Working at home has helped in some ways because I don't see anyone and they generally leave me alone to just do the job.
Well, you can check with the EEOC if you are in the US to see if his employment expectations are legal or if he is creating a hostile work environment.
Sales like that is not for me. Are you looking for a replacement position until the university thing come available?
You could start an advice Facebook weekly post with general improvement strategies. Create a Venmo acct. and put it in the descriptions and ask people to donate and share the post. Answer questions live or tell people you will type answer after you sign off.
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