The Guilt is Making Me Hate Who I Am!!!

I no longer know who I am! I thought that I liked who I was and was proud of my accomplishments. Have I been lying to myself this whole time? I became a nurse to help others, I have always been there for other’s and given to a fault. I thought all of this made you a good person. My anxiety and depression has taken over as I am no longer in control. Why can’t I think my way out of this or be thankful for what I do have not what I don’t? I tell myself to stop and get off my pity pot! I try to think of the things that could be worse such as: I am not starving like many are, I am not homeless and I don’t have a deadly illness. Why isn’t this enough to make me realize it could be much worse? Then I am lost in my thoughts of maybe you never really cared, how can you be so selfish and maybe this is why you are now alone??? I am no longer who I was and I certainly hate the person that I have become!

[blueorganic1021]

I’d say that you are that same wonderful, giving, person that you always were, but being a nurse during the time of Covid, I’m positive that you have had to face and endure things that are simply unspeakable, things you didn’t expect to see in your lifetime, and not once but day in and day out for months and months, with what often seems like no end in sight!

What you have endured and the service you have provided to so many during their greatest time of need, is nothing short of a miracle! It is absolutely understandable that you are feeling completely drained as I’m sure that you are. There was just no way that any of us could have been accurately prepared for this unprecedented and unimaginable global crisis, or for us to have known how to cope more effectively either. We are all learning as we go with this situation and that’s really the only thing we can expect of ourselves. My advice is to make sure you are taking as much time as humanly possible to care for yourself and to get proper rest. But please don’t give up. You don’t know how much you are needed and how thankful, even those like myself who have never even met you, how thankful we are for your strength, your courage, your perseverance, your kindness, and your care. We will all be forever indebted to you for simply being who you are.

Much love and respect 🙏❤️😊

[Downandout123 in reply to blueorganic1021]

Very well said Blueorganic 🙂

[Hidden in reply to blueorganic1021]

💕

[Reading_Rando]

There are no such things as wrong feelings. I think emotional pain isnt so different from the physical pain your used to treating in others. Both serve the purpose of telling us something is wrong, that we need to fix. The hard part is figuring out what that is.

I think the path to hell is paved with self comparison. It's true that some peoples material circumstances are objectievly worse than our own but that doesnt mean your feelings arnt as important as anyone else's. All of our feelings are equally important. They are your feelings and they will always be the most important to you, as your the one who has to live with them. It's ok to feel whatever you feel, dont let anyone judge you for them. You deserve to have comfort as much anyone does.

[perryjoyce]

I just want you to know you are not alone, I could have written this word for word. I don't know the answer yet, but I keep looking. Good luck on your journey ♥️

[Hidden in reply to perryjoyce]

😊

[ty-lof]

The ungratefulness is infuriating. It's hard to be grateful when you hate yourself and everything else. It seems the anger is probably skewing and intensifying these thoughts even further. You're judging yourself on a situation that you can't control and then feeling guilty about it! Try to think about it like this; if you were a terrible person, would you have become a nurse in the first place? Don't think many people are becoming nurses for the money and if you didn't care, you probably would not still be a nurse. Maybe try to focus on small things to be grateful for.

[Hidden in reply to ty-lof]

Yes it is and ty😊

[Hidden]

You are a good person and just being there for others is a good thing. Please do not be so hard on yourself. We like you just the way you are. 🤗.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

😊

[FearIsALiar]

I know the feeling :((

Write down each morning 3 things you are thankful for! I am thankful for the sunshine, my dog and food

[Hidden in reply to FearIsALiar]

I will

[Hidden]

Only you can change yourself. And that won't be easy but you could try with baby steps. Good luck.