Ugh this sucks. I was living with a guy, things got romantic. And against my better judgement, I really cared about him. There were a lot of red flags I kept ignoring. Literally three weeks later, he decides he wants to get back together with his ex (the same one he had been talking shit about for a month, the one that cheated on him, threatened to kill his dog, possibly killed or neglected his other dog, etc). It took awhile to get over him but I was feeling really good (did I mention he won’t give me my $500 guitar back?). I’m finally grateful it didn’t work out and know I’ll move onto someone who’s actually worth my time. But, I’m cleaning my car out, and all the things that I had when I lived with him are in it. Just touching everything makes me sad and gives me a headache. Half of my shit reeks of cat piss cause he had a sick cat. I’m in the process of cleaning everything, but I just feel overwhelmed, and it’s bringing up good and bad memories. I just can’t wait to feel better about this, and have it be ancient history. What helps you guys move on? Any recommendation on how to get the smell of cat pee out of stuff?
Venting about my terrible taste in men - Anxiety and Depre...
Venting about my terrible taste in men
hello! I'm sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. Know that you are better off without him and that this will point you in a better direction. For the cat pee, i'd say try baking soda?
Thank you!! I’m happy to say I don’t regret it, because it taught me a lot about myself and future relationships. I will try the baking soda! I’m also going to use some cedar smoke so hopefully that will make things smell better too. Thanks for listening 
happy to hear your story! I am actually in a similar position but contemplating leaving my relationship. There's a lot of red flags I have been throwing under the rug and I feel confused. I hope the cedar smoke works too!! Im happy to talk if you need to
Yah it’s definitely hard to leave. I really didn’t have much choice in the matter. I think if I had the choice to stay I would’ve. Even when he was getting back together with his ex, I was still going to live there. I caught him lying a lot. I’m really angry now. But that’ll pass I just have to focus on myself. If you would like to vent about your relationship, I’m an open ear!
My ex lied to me so much so I don’t even know what was true.. it’s difficult and makes me upset. You can always PM me if you’d like to chat! I feel like we can definitely relate.
Hello I am having the same situation where I met this guy it was supposed to he just fun but it turned out to be something special now he left me with a text because he had to take care of his ex wife because his ex almost committed suicide twice and they have young kids. He gave me stuff to use for winter and everytime I see and use it I breakdown. What I do is listen to motivational podcasts that inspire me to move on. Do productive things and especially talk to people whether it's family, friends, or even strangers
i am so sorry this happened to you. I hate that when you least expect to like someone is when you fall hard. :\
I mean I saw it coming, I told him I can't do it since it's complicated. He's a hard shell but he showed me how he liked me and gave me everything that he could to win me and I gave in. We just didn't see it coming of the situation that happened.
ah, I see. It's okay, you can get through this!
Aww I’m sorry. This was an awful experience for me, I’m sorry you’re going through something similar. I just got off the phone with a friend and that made me feel a lot better. I think I’ll turn on angry punk music while I finish cleaning. I appreciate your advice and thanks for sharing your story with me!
Elle - I totally feel you and understand. I am glad that it only lasted briefly, and you are grateful. I personally also had my life nearly destroyed by a manipulative dishonest person whom I loved and devoted all. How did I move on? Honestly I am not sure some days if I have, even nearly 10 years later. A heart break is debilitating and I am often asking myself why the brain is programmed to remember all the negatives instead of all the positives. So even today all these years later I struggle with why I was lied to and manipulated, even jailed, twice, after everything I did to support her. The only answer I really can come up with is life is harsh and people are sick. They really are, this woman in particular, straight up ill. Often others see the light inside of you and want to snuff it out, literally, and I imagine this is what your former BF attempted to do. I say this because not only did he manipulate you and steal your guitar but he also returned to an even more destructive relationship, one in which maybe he’s a savior and pillar. There’s a triangle we oscillate on: villain, victim, hero, in dysfunctional relationships and if you can get off the triangle, then your mental health and behavior are in alignment with stability. So seriously, this is hard and it happened to me too, where my personals were stolen as well, and honestly you just have to let it go, surrender the guitar to the universe, allow it to be your sacrifice for the life school’s love lesson. As far as cat pee, probably just an opportunity to forgive and forget the poor feline because our pets are sensitive creatures, and their sentience acts out when there is stress and lies at home, so just get rid of the stained ruined stuff. You’ll feel lighter and better as less is more! Bee well Elle Luv, and thank you for sharing your love and light, we will get through this, and see our strength together on the other side.
Thank you! Yah, I think part of him felt threatened by me. What led me to moving in with him was when I left my abusive household. I was emotionally vulnerable at the time, and I think he mistook that as a constant state. Honestly though, leaving that home allowed me to grow a lot and I’ve had a lot of healthy support from my therapist. I was adamant from the beginning that I wanted a healthy relationship, and I did my best to enforce that. I think he started to drift back once he realized the amount of work and communication that was needed for that. I’m thankful for it because it taught me a lot about what an unhealthy partner can look like, and therefore what I want from a healthy partner. So it’s not for nothing, and I’m glad it worked out the way it did and didn’t go on longer
My brain seems to focus on all of the negatives too. The negatives stick more in my brain and make my life HELL. Heartbreak sucks but it teaches you a lot about yourself and what to look out for in relationships. I was manipulated so badly. We all are definitely better off without these liars/heartbreakers!
I think I’m going to start writing down 3 things I am grateful for each morning for a month.
This is just going to be quick, but I am so sorry you are in the situation you are experiencing! I can’t even imagine. I did want to recommend a cleaner for your cat pee though! We had spilled milk in our car that reeked for ages. We tried so many things to get it out, but it smelled so bad. A cleaner we found is called “Nature’s Miracle.” It actually works really well! Maybe getting it all clean would give you some peace of mind
Thank you!! I sprayed it with a scented lysol spray and that helped. I did clean all the things I could! Which did make it a lot better! I’ll be doing laundry which will get rid of the smell of the apartment
The cat peewill probably be the easier one. Years ago, I got a recipe online in which you mix hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and a couple of drops of dish soap. Works like a charm if you keep in mind that it has to be an anaerobic process. No scrubbing or rubbing as that brings oxygen into play. You just have to pour it slowly on the item and then let it sit, preferably for about 24 hours. This always works best if you have not put other solutions on the area. I think the recipe is one small bottle of hydrogen peroxide, 2 T of baking soda and 2 drops of dish soap. You cannot use any metal. I put mine in a 2 cup glass measuring cup and stir VERY VERY gently ( again not introducing oxygen) with a plastic spoon until the baking soda dissolves. I’ve use this on carpet in my car seats. It has never damaged anything. If you can’t determine exactly where the per is, invest in a cheap blacklight.
I just got advice about this from a post last night but my advice to move on would be to not make him out to be a person he wasn’t with replaying good memories. Sometimes we fantasize the person into being more than what they were... if they were really that great you you, you guys would still be together. This advice only applies for later down the line I would think. Right now it’s very real and surreal to you. Sorry about the cat 🥴
And the guitar...
Yah I definitely tend to do that, making them a person they’re not. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. At this point, the only real emotion I feel towards him is anger, a lot of it. And I have a strong way with words, which I’ve used in the past on those who have wronged me, but it’s really not effective. I think he’s damaged his life enough on his own without my help. Maybe inaction is enough in this scenario. Thank you for your support! Yah the guitar really does suck, but when I’m ready for a guitar like that again it’ll come around, luckily I still have my acoustic so I’m not guitarless
Tell yourself you've had a lucky escape and that he's better off with his toxic partner. It's hard to mix with new people at the moment. But come Spring and it'll be different. Keep telling yourself that every time you think of him and you will start to move forward. Good luck.
Hi Elle. It seems like we’re in a little bit of a similar situation. I was with a guy for 2.5 years and the majority of the relationship he was cheating on me. I ignored the red flags that were given to me because I made him out to be someone who was so perfect and would never do such a thing to hurt me.
When did you guys break up?
Also Elle, you and me both deserve so much better! What I try and get out of what happened to me is BEING MORE AWARE OF THINGS and not ignoring the red flags the first time I see one.
Do you have any hobbies? Or hobbies you did before but couldn’t because of him? If you have some hobbies definitely get into those again or even pick up a new hobby or learn something new. For me I like to do crafts! Keeps my hands and mind occupied.
I'm no help with this but if your guitar is electric and you get it back, I wind electric guitar pickups if you decide you need some better ones!
You play the guitar awesome !!
How do you know?
opps 😂 my bad 🤦♀️ I am sorry
I do play guitar but I was wondering how you discovered that.
Well since you said that you wind guitars I was assuming you play the guitar 😁
A little simple detective work -- gotcha...
I used to play guitar in music class
I am so sorry about what your going through i hope that you have a better day
Oh, wow! Sounds like the story of my life. Bad relationships, chaos and cat pee. We can only choose our relationships from those we come in contact with and we are not conditioned to think that we can be fulfilled for any length of time without a relationship. I think we have to adjust our expectations of what other people can do for us. I have had dogs and cats all my life and at their best they do not make for a pristine environment. Try vinegar, baking soda (not at the same time) for the smell and air out what you can. Google for some other odor neutralizers. Don't be to hard on yourself. The gene pool out there is not that rich. Try not to let the frustration overwhelm you. This morning I have swept up dog hair, emptied kitty litter and changed pee pads; all before I could make my coffee. Stay connected here, my friend.
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