Paralyzing anxiety and fear.

[RewiringHeadspace]

I have so much work to do but I have this paralyzing fear and anxiety and it constantly interferes with my ability to be productive. My bosses have noticed my lack of progress and it comes off as being careless, unreliable not hard working and that I don’t care. The paralyzing fear is my fear of what my bosses are going to say In upcoming meetings. For example I spend most of yesterday and today suffering, breaking down, trying to pick myself after, and just being mentally exhausted. I wasn’t trying to slack off but I was mentally struggling. I have to do an all nighter now to catch up on the work and I’m still struggling. It’s a very lonely frustrating world in my head. I recently started with therapy but since we’re just getting through logistics I still need help in the interim. Would love to hear from others and would be even better if someone was up for a quick chat. Sometimes just the act being able to talk to someone about the problem is helpful.

[Marysblue]

Just seeing this. I do understand that kind of anxiety. I know how difficult it can be. Maybe take some deep breaths and write some of it down. Try to stay off caffeine it makes it worse. Trying to stay in the moment is hard but this moment is really all we have. Therapist told me to concentrate only on what I can control. I can't control other people or what they do. I take walks to lower my stress. I'm trying to work on my negative self-talk and be nicer to myself.

Take care of yourself. I'm here if you need to talk. Things can change.

[RewiringHeadspace in reply to Marysblue]

Thanks, I appreciate it! Negative self talk is definitely something I need to work on.

[kvolm2016]

Glad to hear that you have gotten started with the therapist. That should provide lasting results! But you are right, that doesn't help with the immediate need. Do you feel safe with your supervisor to disclose that you are struggling and that you are getting help? At least this would let your supervisor know that you are aware of this and that you are taking action on this instead of trying to hide or cover up the issue. There are so many people that are struggling right now and it is affecting their work habits and productivity, so maybe this is the time when companies/supervisors are more understanding than they might have been in the past. What do you think?

[RewiringHeadspace in reply to kvolm2016]

Thanks! Honestly I don’t feel comfortable telling the people I work for. I understand that it may not be fair to not explain my progress or lack thereof. And I do feel bad about not explaining. But I’m really just not ready. I haven’t talked through these problems yet with my therapist and until I do I don’t think I could handle that conversation at work. Just the idea of how that conversation may go freaks me out. Also I’d want to talk through things with the therapist because it’s not just anxiety. It’s also other things like increased forgetfulness to name one. I guess the second reason is that I feel like I need to understand what is going on too.

[kvolm2016 in reply to RewiringHeadspace]

Completely understand and agree with you. That is one of the benefits of having the therapist to run scenarios and conversations through with beforehand! And your supervisor definitely doesn't need to know the full extent of what you are dealing with but just that you recognize that there has been some inconsistency in your level of job performance and that you are taking steps to make improvements in that. All employees have strengths and weaknesses in performing their job and when an employee cares enough about the quality of their work and their professional reputation, that should be viewed as a positive trait by the supervisor. Hopefully that will be the outcome when you are ready to engage in a conversation like this!

[RewiringHeadspace in reply to kvolm2016]

Thanks for your advice!