Intruding thoughts: How much longer am... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Intruding thoughts

Hopelessly
Hopelessly

How much longer am I suppose, to do this

How much more am I suppose, to take

How much pain do they want me to feel

How many years do they want me to endure

How many tears, am I suppose, to cry

How many more nights do I have to feel with my silent sobbing of feeling hopeless.

When will I reach my limit when is it enough

They told me no more cutting so I don't they told me no more self harming so I don't. But I still feel like dying inside, I feel so, hallow empty, and numb to the world. But I'll laugh and eat for them, I smile and act like everything is fine. I keep living for them but never myself. So how much longer do they want me to do this, how much longer am I suppose, to be unhappy for them to have their happiness. How much longer am I supposed to just dream about dying before I try it again.

So how do I stop these thoughts? How do I get them out of my head? How to stop them from reacting in my head on an endless loop? How do any of you deal with thoughts you don't want to think about? How do start living for yourself? Is it worse during the night or morning for you?

106 Replies
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Do not give up. I have pure ocd and I’m always fighting with my mind. It’s literally hell but I never gave up. I pray and ask God to be by my side. I try to go out as much as I can, play with my dogs, visit a friend... I’ve been through hell since I lost mum to cancer a long time ago and struggled with panic attacks before being diagnosed with pure O and given the right meds. However, no matter how much I cried, no matter how suicidal thoughts crossed my mind sometimes, I have learned to fight because life is worth living. There are many people whose condition are worst than yours... Just love yourself and be happy for yourself. Listen to music, prayers... whatever can bring you inner peace and learn to be happy because you deserve it!!!

Comparing ops condition to "someone who has it worse" is a big nope. It devalues their condition and feelings.

Who has it worst? Sorry but I’m not comparing my case to anyone I’m just offering support and receiving support from my friends here... thank you for your support!!!

Thats what you wrote. "Other people have it worse", sorry "worst" "than you"

I know your trying to help. In your own way.

Just be mindful of what you put out there.

Sorry but I don’t have to justify to you what I write since you interpret things the way you want. Kindly stop your negativity because we need more positivity in here. Be mindful of that :)

Luna Blade. Its a cool moniker, and suits you. Best wishes sis

It’s the name of my two dogs Luna and Blade :) best wishes to you too :)

You fight them off with positive thoughts.

Negative thoughts aren't usually a reflection of the truth.

Here are some true facts :

You are Precious

You are Beautiful and

You are Loved.

Think on these truths.

When the dark thoughts come - fight them off by reminding yourself of these truths.

❤️

Thank you I will try my hardest to remember that in those times

It is important you are doing all these things for yourself and friends and family. Given that hopefully you will gain more encouragement to carry on in a more positive way.

Have you any hobbies or activities you enjoy Diversions do help to take your mind of the negative thoughts you have had in the near past.

Try Mindfulness a relaxation technique, you can purchase a book on this technique on Amazon

BOB

I listen to music and try to read when I get in the mood to be able and read. And try to do more to take those thoughts off of my mind

Mine start every morning the minute I wake up...and yet most evening I feel fairly normal until I go to bad as I know when the morning comes it starts over again.

I do try each morning and think of the good times I some times have in the evening but I agree it’s so hard.

At the moment I’m just taking 1 minute at a time, not even one day hoping and praying this will eventually get better.

I hope you can have some peace too

bonkers65
bonkers65 in reply to Whiskers16

That's exactly how I feel

Hopelessly,

Thinking good thoughts and having good tools in your toolbox (friends, prayer, exercise, etc.) are all great advice. But I will tell you that my darkest days did not go away until I was on the right medication. And I did use ECT at one point, and it was successful. Do not give up until you have tried everything. You deserve a good life!

I'm on five different meds but I been one the same and dosage for like a year and half

Hello Hopelessly. First of all, I choose to call you hopeful. My thoughts can be really insane. I've been fighting them for as long as I can remember. I've done thrrapies but not drugs. It didn't seem to be have any effect. I looked for support from people around but couldn't get it. I'm actually only scared of killing myself because I don't know what's on the other side - I can't suffer here and also suffer terribly there.

The progress hasn't been a fast one but I started unconsciously, then later consciously, practicing self awareness. I'm still on knowing myself and trying to tackle my monsters from the roots, "why... " "how... ". I'm getting better gradually whilst still fighting. I want to believe I'll find my place eventually.

Hopeful, please be hopeful. Thanks for taking the step to express your self.

Hopelessly
Hopelessly in reply to Puzzled_1

Thank you for that I know others feel the same way, but sometimes it hard to realize that. And did you do anything small acts to help with yours. And honestly I feel like I'm partly still here because I don't want to hurt my family.

Me too, today is absolutely awful, the anxiety is pounding in my chest, not sure how much more of this I can take

I hate when you feel that way you feel overloaded and overwhelmed and it feels like it takes forever to try to get in a place to calm down

It’s been bad all day but just when I think I can’t take anymore around 7 in the evening it seems to calm down

Is there anything you do to help you calm down or is just like evening and able to unwind and not have to pretend. I'm sorry it been a bad day all day those days are no fun at all. It is nice when you find the silver lining and start calm down get ready for the next day.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Hopelessly

I totally understand that it can be so hard to realize these things. Maybe we can begin from what you want from life. What you feel you need. If today is to be better than yesterday, what event would have to take place.

It took a long time before I found out that talking or sharing what's on my mind eases everything. So when I talked about how I feel, I found out that I felt better and somehow the extra energy that could have been available for hating myself more or feeling worse, gets discharged or diverted.

Today I call talking my therapy. It helps me relax. I don't know how you find talking or freely and constantly sharing what's on your mind, but that may good a place to begin. As you talk, you get new perspectives.

And if possible, don't go through it alone. In talking, there's always someone with you.

Hopelessly
Hopelessly in reply to Puzzled_1

It does help some when I can talk to people about but mainly people here. My parents know about issues but it's like only talk about it the way oh you feeling sad today. They don't want to discuss it. And my friends are kinda the same way after a bit they get tired of it.

And what I want from life it to find my reason to keep going my purpose in this world. And I'm glad you found out sharing and talking about what's on your mind helps ease everything. And I'm glad to know it does help you and able to make feel better and not be harsh on yourself. I find this site really good because people understand but also give advice that helps.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Hopelessly

Thanks.

It's really great to know that you want something from life and you're concerned about finding your purpose. You may want to shift all your attention to finding your purpose since it'll be fulfilling, mind you, it may not show up at once. You can start with trying to enjoy the very simple things about life and also make efforts to manage the kind and direction of conversations on your mind.

You could also pen down few good things that come to your mind. Writing may be another path.

I hope these help.

Hopelessly
Hopelessly in reply to Puzzled_1

I think I will try more of the writing them down and seeing how that goes maybe easier to do than talking trying to get what I'm say across. I know I need to work on seeing the simple things in life the small good moments that are there and focus on those. I do want to find my purpose here to find out what I meant to do.

Have you figured yours out or got a better idea of what yours might be? What are reason that keep you here besides family because that why I mostly still here. But I want to be here because I want to and for me. So even hearing others stories or advice I'm willing try anything at this point.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Hopelessly

Since I'd started to digest the idea of life, I found out that our living is largely interdependent. If you observe people who talk about their mission or purpose, there's usually an element of their purpose that seeks to solve someone's problems or add value to someone else.

I sent out forms asking people what they thought I could do for them whilst going through a few life coaching sessions. Before then, I worked on observing the few areas of life that seemed to connect or make sense to me. One thing that I knew I had, even if I had nothing, was my experience - my story. Even if I didn't know what I was doing on earth, I just must find some clue in my journey so far. From there I found a few interests, like Better family life, mental health, mental health support, hands kills... and I've been working to see how I can build my life around them so I could live fully in the midst of several personal therapies. I do all these conscious of the elements of the world presently because of relevance. I'm existing because I believe I'm useful, I'm of great value, I have something to offer, answers to certain problems are in my possession. And for me, I'm living because my journey is still on and I cannot be dead whilst still alive. ❤️

Hopelessly
Hopelessly in reply to Puzzled_1

That does help what you wrote and give me stuff to think about in my life to try and use them. I see where story and journey of how far we come and here does mean something and tell others them. That always have those and work day by day. Life coaching sessions sound like they did help or have you different point of view

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Hopelessly

Life coaching sessions can be really helpful particularly when you have aims or goals to achieve from the sessions and you connect with a coach who is easy to talk to and majors in the area of your goals.

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

This is the problems I have apart from My doctor and people on here I can’t talk to friends and family about how I really feel and the dark thoughts I’m having.

I get that not being able to talk outside or here but I'm here to listen of you need it. Honestly I like have this place where we all can talk and be honest and real. That there is no hiding or pretending. That you don't have to keep quite. It's hard though when your friends and family won't talk about issues and struggles with you so I'm sorry you going through that too.

Thank you so much. Your right at least here you can be honest. Every day I have to put on an act in front of my partner as I’ve tried talking to him but he just doesn’t understand how desperate I feel.

I also have a 18yr old daughter who I try and hide this all from. I can’t even tell my friends that I have thoughts of doing something to stop all this torture inside me.

You have it hard with putting up a barrier a shield if will in front of your daughter so she doesn't see how hard it is. I can't imagine what it like to be a mother but I give all the props for still being here still trying getting up everyday. I'm sorry you partner doesn't understand how desperate you feel or even overwhelmed you feel. I know the feeling of thoughts of wanting to do something. It's been four years since my last attempt and looking back I'm happy my mom got pissed and took me to the hospital. And even now I'm struggling again with the thoughts.

So what I'm saying if ever feel like that you message me anytime I may not be able to fully relate to your situation but I'm willing to try and understand and listen. I'll try to help anyway I can even of it sending cat or doggie pictures ☺️

What a wonderful person you are I can’t thank you enough. I don’t really want to do something silly but just need to see a little glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel to give some hope things will improve.

Well always here people have been here for me in the past so now I'm trying to do the same

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

I remember when my mum used to say she was tired of life and was waiting for God to call her. By then, my dad had started to abandoned us. She was the only one we had. It was so sad and discouraging see her wish to die each time. Please be strong for her. Conquering could teach her how to navigate through life issues better.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

I'm so sorry about this. I lost a relationship because I seemed to be complicated, pessimistic and burdened. I know how you try so hard to explain to someone who's supposed to understand and instead things get worse.

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

It’s extra hard as we split up last year and we have only been back together for 5 weeks. He knew I was having anxiety attacks but he says I’ve got worse since he came back which is true but he thinks it’s his fault. It’s not his fault but now I’m scared he’ll go again because he can’t handle it so I have to put this act in when sometimes all I want to do is scream.

I’m worse because I keep thinking this anxiety will never go... just keep hoping the new medication will soon kick in to give me some hope.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

I wish he could go through it with you though. It'd be a lot easier. Maybe you could try to explain your experiences to him in a constructive manner showing that you're willing to work at it. You could also let him know how he may come in.

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

I so wish I could too, here today I’m putting on an act as though there’s nothing wrong, talking to him as normal when all I want to do is scream as the anxiety is so bad.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Hmm... I'm so sorry about that. Have you tried to have a genuine conversation with him? One that expresses your love for him and shows your genuine interest in making your union work, yet gives allowance for you to be bare(simple and naked) about your experiences. You could do some research about the kind of support you can get from your partner in this situation and let him know. He may have been sad or worried that he's not been a part of the process and you've been doing it alone. You may also want to make sure it's a good time, in a serene space too. Please make the efforts. 🙏❤️

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

He was quite supportive to start with but as he had to have counselling himself earlier in this year he then said he felt like I was bringing him down and smothering him because I am so dependent on him and which I suppose I can understand as I have got worse since he’s come back.

I don’t want to lose him again as I know if I can get through this we can be happy and build on our relationship again.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Please if you don't mind, can you share your observations that convinced you that things got worse since you both got back together.

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

Prior to him coming home I would have spells mainly in the morning of feeling anxious, dread of being in my own and fear that I would always feel this anxiety but as the day went on or I met with friends it would ease off, some days I would be fine.

But since we decided to give it another go, every morning I wake up in a panic and have head straight to the toilet.

This fear or dread stays for most of the day, I can’t concentrate on anything, find difficulty in sitting still, haven’t been able to work and have thoughts every day to end my life to stop this torture inside of me. I struggle to go out unless it’s with him or my daughter and cannot engage with friends.

The only rest bite I get is sometime s a few hours In the evening and because my doctor had prescribed diazepam to take before bed I get 4-5 hrs sleep. But dread going to sleep because I know the next day will be the same.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Oh... So being with him isn't what made things worse right?

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

I want to be with him but the anxiety has got worse since since we got back together. I overthink everything, even worry about what to have for a meal 😢

I am having some counselling and They thinks it’s that I’m worried he Will leave again.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Hmmm... Now I understand. Please I really want you to be brave. Somehow, I believe that you personally can change the story. What do you think you can do to feel a little bold or confident today?

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

I thought I’d be brave as managed to go out in the car and take my 89yr old dad for a hearing test but all the time I’ve been out the anxiety has got worse and worse and now I’m home it’s that bad I’m struggling to breath

I'm sorry to hear that it's hard cause you don't want to lose him again and you are afraid that it could end again. I had an on and off relationship he had anxiety issues. But when I got bad he say it brings him in a bad place to hear my issues. So I know what that is like and how difficult it is. I don't know if you tried meds yet but it helped me when I got on some. Do you think it calm down not be so bad after some more time of seeing that relationship is working and he staying?

Some of the problem is also the medication. I had been in citalopram for yrs but wasn’t sleeping so doctor suggested I try Amitriptyline but that’s when the anxiety returned ( this was before we got back together ) so went back on citalopram but after7-8 weeks wasn’t helping so now on duloxitine For 2 weeks.

Just have this fear that This anxiety will never end ... today has been really bad 😢 Even when Eventually the physical symptoms stop For a while it’s still in my head.

I'm so sorry about this and the toll of trying new meds and there effects

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

I'm so sorry about this.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

And aside the drugs, have you considered therapy?

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

Just had a counselling session, this is now my 5th and I’m really not sure it’s helping at all. I was hoping by now that I should be getting something positive from it but he keeps focusing on the fear of my partner leaving again but the anxiety had taken hold before he even came back

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Therapy ought to be constructive. It should focus on you as a person. Focusing on that fear may worsen things. What do you want to do now?

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

To be honest after yesterday I don’t want to be here anymore. I can’t calm down, I’m shaking and pacing the room and now the thought of leaving the house is panicking me more.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Sad. I'm so sorry about this. I really don't know what say. I wish I could be of help no matter how little. Has it always been like this or when did it begin?

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

I have always suffered with fairly mild anxiety but able to control it until about 10 was ago when it got worse so decided to take some time off work but every day it is getting more of a hold on me and I haven’t been back to work since, just spend all day trying to distract the fear and thoughts

Sometimes when we trying not to think about those thoughts or fears we can make it where that's all we think about. It like when someone say don't think about the poka dot purple elephant. And usually that image will pop in your head. I guess what I'm saying not let those consume you but also be aware of those thoughts. Like can you try reasoning with your fears and why you are feeling that way.

Talk through with yourself try and give yourself a pep talk I know it sounds stupid and I'm not good with words. With work you have a certain structure and its able to help distract you and focus on other things. Do try to get routine done when your around the house to help keep you busy and mind occupied. Like this hour it's me vacuuming, or this time is dust all the rooms. Or even find dedicate time slot for reading. I don't know of what I'm saying makes sense to others. I'm sorry of this is of no help

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Hopelessly

Well done Hopefully, I'm so proud of you! I was going to say something similar to this.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Hmm... That's a long time. So... Like hopefully is asking, can you associate these feeling or fears with anything?

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

I know this may sound silly but it’s the fear that the anxiety I feel In my body will never go away as its there virtually all day every day.At the moment I’m not consciously aware of anything else that I’m worried about although I assume deep down there must be.

I know people say to try and focus on something else but its really hard when this physical feeling is in your chest constantly. I do try and keep busy doing things around the house but can’t just sit down and read or watch tv as can’t focus.

Today my friend ask to meet up for a coffee but I worked myself up so much that I couldn’t go.

It's not silly when I get in one of my episodes they can last while I think it's never going to get any better that I'll always have them I know I will I have to one meds for the rest of my life. But I think it's always going to be this bad that there no light no hope. But after while it's not that bad becomes manageable to am extent. I know it's hard trying to override that feeling in chest you can try and watch tv but you don't actually focus on that instead you are in your own mind so deep in thoughts that it's like your not really there physically. Sometimes sitting down and trying something makes it worse because you feel antsy then. Is there any small thing you enjoy doing it liked. Or maybe something that brought you ease as kid. Do you have something to stabilize you bring back to the present moment. I don't know if it makes sense what I'm saying. What do you think could help ease it like any thoughts? What's your safe ?

I can’t thank you and puzzled-1 enough for spending this time talking to me as I can’t talk to anyone else how I feel and you totally seem to understand what I’m going through which does give me some comfort.

I just wished I’d never come off the citalopram in the first place and put up with the sleepless nights as that used to do the trick but this time it didn’t work. I just keep hoping and praying these new ones will kick in quickly to give me some relief.

I really try to find things to do to take my mind off it but it’s like I’ve just had a shower and hair wash but still the thoughts are there all the way through

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

I'm so glad that I could offer some sort of assistance.

So with all your experiences, do you feel that need any assistance that'll restore you to health eventually ?

If yes, what kind?

Who or where do you think the assistance should come from?

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

I know this is wrong but I’m totally relying on the meds working as this has worked before but never taken as long. I just keep thinking if I could stop these physical symptoms it will give me the strength to fight.

I’ve tried so many other things, reading books on anxiety, cbt and counselling but it just ends up making me feel a failure as can’t do most of what they recommend because of this feeling inside me.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Hmmm. Alright. Is there any time you have tried to resist or exert some form of control over the physical symptoms?

If so, what did you do and what was the result?

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

most of the time it feels like I have a brick on my chest and feel like I can’t breathe so I try some deep breaths but that only helps for a few seconds.

I have a couple of cups of camomile a day as that’s supposed to be calming.

I’ve tried meditation during the day but struggle to concentrate. I can do it before I go to sleep but It defeats the object a bit as the tablets knock me out anyway

I struggle mediation I can't stay focus on it to long or be still that long so that always okay of you can't. Camomile is good I do that too I think it helps but I not positive. I try when feel like something crushing your chest that can't breathe or get enough air. I try find a thing you see focus on that, find a thing you can feel touch it and think about what it is, find a thing you can hear and listen you it and think about what the sound coming from. And sometimes I pop my mouth and also try focus on what I'm tasting. It's sensery thing suppose to bring you back to the present the now in the moment. I don't know if will help?

I will give this a go... I just don’t understand, I may have mentioned before but usually around 7 in the evening the tightness in the chest just stops but I’m not doing anything different???

I don't know if it help but I know trying different things and seeing what works it might not bit worth a shot

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Hmm... Mine wasn't severe though. Whenever it showed up, I walked some distance. Then I try to breath in and out. As I walk I try to reach for calmness and get distracted. Some how the episode finishes.

I understand that you have taken a bold step to be here and I really commend you for that. Please I want you to believe that you can be fine. I want to ask a few more questions.

Do you have great thoughts sometimes?

Is there any thought that's showed up and you wish you could have been trapped there forever? Not one about expiring.

What does having the best of life mean to you?

Hopelessly
Hopelessly in reply to Puzzled_1

Puzzled_1 those are really good questions and that a good suggestion. Would going for a walk to calm you down work Whiskers16?

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

Going for a walk on my own or in fact arranging to meet a friend for a walk is the one thing I haven’t been able to do for the past couple of months. I know it would do me the world if good but just get the courage to do it and I don’t understand why?

If I’m being truthful for the past couple of weeks I’ve struggled to have any nice thoughts.

All I want from this life is for the anxiety/fear to stop so I can enjoy my life with my partner and family.... not really too much to ask for you would think

Sometimes it's the small stuff that terrify us and we don't always know why. Maybe can you walk with your daughter walk end of street and back start of slow or just walk around in backyard take notice of the leaves changing. I don't know we all have fears that takes a while and ease into doing the stuff we apprehensive about.

And I'm sorry past couple of weeks you struggle with having any nice thoughts . No that is not to much to ask I know it seems impossible but just small baby steps little things not a whole block or going out by yourself. I hope you can find some nice thoughts .

Thank you you are such a lovely person I am so grateful for your support

Any time and you seem like a wonderful, lovely person also. And you give me just as much support back. And that's what this site was made.

Sometimes you can not get rid of the thoughts I went of triazadone and then went on back on it but for couple of weeks it was like two three days no sleep then sleep because I pass out or getting 2-3hours of sleep. I hope the new meds work because sometimes an actual decent sleep schedule does wonders.

And as for talking and listening I'm always ready to listen to what other have to say and try to help of they want. We may not go through the exact same thing, but we all go through some similar stuff that we can relate to and try to give advice if wanted. What works for one person may not work for the other but it's trying mutiple different stuff to see if one things helps out more. I know your trying if weren't you wouldn't be here, you would not care about trying to get better, you wouldn't be fighting for your future. So just know I'm happy that you hear and you've made it another day that in itself is a big accomplishment.

At the moment I do get some sleep as the doctor has given me some diazepam to take at night as well as duloxitine. I take the diazepam with magnesium and it knocks me out for around 5 hrs which I’m so grateful for but as I’ve mentioned before the minute I wake up the anxiety is there with a vengeance.

I’m frightened she may soon stop the diazepam as I know it is addictive. I’ve been in the duloxitine for 2 weeks now was hoping that I may have started feeling a little better?

I have they thought about trying mood stabilizer also because i take that too night

Not sure what that is

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Hmm... Let me ask here. I hope it's fine to. Are you doing all these by yourself? No social support at all?

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

The trouble is people who have never experienced this don’t really have a clue. I hide most of it from my daughter to protect her as I do believe some of it can be learned behaviour as I saw it from my own mother ( who passed away a good few years ago) when I was growing up.

And I play it down to my partner and although I have quite a few good friends I have become somewhat detached from them since I’ve felt so bad.. my fault not there’s as they don’t fully understand and I don’t want to tell them exactly how I feel.

Puzzled_1
Puzzled_1 in reply to Whiskers16

Hmm... I totally understand. I'm confident you'll pull through this. You may let me know if you need my assistance in any way. I'll be more than willing to assist.

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Puzzled_1

Thank you.... today is going to be a tough one already clock watching.My daughters just gone off to school, it’s raining here, did all my chores yesterday not sure how I’m going to fill my day

I'm so sorry to hear that, I don't know to help to make be able to calm down and I wish I could. Okay was there anything different that made this time so much worse than the others, have you felt like on this level before. Is there any thoughts that help, or certain music, deep breathing techniques?

On Monday I felt a little better and thought ‘oh the meds might be starting to work‘ then yesterday was so bad that it brings me down to earth with a bang.

He shouldn't just focus on that it got worse before getting back together. But him making the dissuasion only on that it makes you think more about that and makes it worse instead of him helping you. So you have five sessions do want to have more? What helps you calm down relax alittle is there something that does that. For example at home I hold on to marie stuff car from aristocats the disney movie and she brings me comfort.

That’s the way Anxiety works. I didn’t read anything about counseling? They can help with that? 😷🙏

I've tried it off and on again it does help for awhile back to then I'm always worried I just keeping telling the same things over again or on past hurts that they think I'm not trying, or doing what they tell me.

Hey Hopelessly,

Reading your post, a lot of those sentiments are what I have and do continue to struggle with every second of everyday. For most of my life, my objective was to stay alive because I didn't want to hurt my family and friends. However, over the past few months I realized I needed something more. I need a reason that's just for me. People come in and out of our lives, but we're the only ones that are with ourselves 24/7/365(6). So for me that reason needs to be truly personal.

Coincidentally, since my darkest moments a month/two ago, with the help of therapy, friends, journaling, meditation, walking/being more active, being sober, and focusing on creative projects, I'm learning that the thoughts are always going to be there. There is no getting rid of them. Sounds dark and awful, I know. BUT, I've also come to learn that they are just thoughts. They too come and go. They can be acknowledged for the moment they arise, but they don't have to be engaged with. It's like waving hi to someone you know on the street when you're in a rush. You know they're there, but can't stop to give them all of your attention. Over time, I'm finding the thoughts to be less pervasive, which if you had asked me a week ago, I would've thought was impossible. I'm trying to take things second by second, and to be present in the moment. Getting there takes a toooon of practice and work. It hasn't been easy and I still have a long way to go, but every little bit helps.

Journaling do you write good stuff, bad stuff or is it about how the day is? And I get what you mean about having to find a reason for yourself because people do walk out of our lives. No I don't think it's dark about not being able to get rid of the thoughts you are being truthful and honest with yourself. You not setting yourself up for failure when you cant get rid or them.

They do come in go I think sometimes it easier to focus on them instead of trying not to engage in them or think of them. And I like the example of waving hi at someone. So it acknowledging they are there but pushing them aside and focus on other things or thoughts? I have trouble when they do happen I get stuck I'm them or feel like drowning in them and trying to pretend like nothing happening on the outside. Do you do anything to help when you get like that?

It's nice knowing that others feel the same way, that your not alone. That they are people you can relate and really know and understand what you are saying and feeling. So thank you

trtl182
trtl182 in reply to Hopelessly

I've journaled about all the things that are happening, the good, the bad, the ugly. It's really just a way to get out what's going through my head or express what I'm feeling, and really chronicle the journey so I can look back on it and see that changes over time. It's only for me, it's my personal outlet that I can use to put on paper, and so I can free up some space in my mind and heart.

Acknowledging the thoughts and being aware they're there then shifting your focus elsewhere is the trick. Meditation has taught me that I can let my mind wander, then bring my focus back to being present. I'm still learning how to do that, but I understand the importance of it. I was always resistant to meditation, similar to most people, because I never thought I could sit still long enough or be able to focus. But it's a journey and skill that requires practice... daily. And I'm allowing myself to try it to see where it goes and see if it can help. What've I got to lose?

I've gotten stuck in my thoughts a lot, and still do a lot. There are so many times, even now when the "tape" in my head is just stuck on repeat and it's so difficult to get it to turn off. What I've found helpful in those moments is to do something, anything regardless of how big or small of a task it is. Go for a walk, wash the dishes, clean my apartment, or reach out to friends, just something physically active where I can shift my focus to something other than what's going on in my head... This is not to say the thoughts aren't still there... they are.... but it's like putting them on the back burner and letting them simmer until I'm ready to give them the attention they need.

Hopelessly
Hopelessly in reply to trtl182

Thank you for examples of what you do and how journal everything so can look back on that I think that a really good idea. That is smart and see where helpful doing anything any task big or small so accomplish something. That makes sense look more on to things you did and not on the things you didn't do or complete. Also it's nice to know even when you got a good grasp still have bad days but get through them. Thank you so much I really appreciate any and all advice

trtl182
trtl182 in reply to Hopelessly

My pleasure. I'm happy to share.

It's tough when the thing (our brain) that's supposed to work to keep us alive, actively tries to hurt/destroy us. Like I'm marveling at how I woke up yesterday feeling the greatest I've felt in a really really long time, and yet throughout the day, I noticed that I wasn't feeling so great, to the point where as I was going to bed and trying to meditate, I broke down crying. Why? I'm not sure, I'm still trying to figure out what happened.

And while I was able to sleep for a while, now I'm awake, unsure as to why.... yet in the back of my mind, hoping today will be better.

Hello,. Don't try to stop your thoughts. Just learn to take the power you give them away. I know this sounds rediculous but it works. Start seeing your thoughts for what they are , just thoughts. They have no power over you unless you either try desperately to avoid them, or get rid of them. It's the total opposite of what anyone of us would naturally do out of pure instinct. Think of quicksand,. From what i know about it, the more you struggle to free yourself from it, the faster you sink. It will take some practice. Whenever your those thoughts come, tell yourself " these thoughts are nothing and mean nothing to me". And go about your business. The more you do this, the quicker those thoughts will stop showing up. I'm living proof that this works like a charm!

Whiskers16
Whiskers16 in reply to Tbine

I keep hearing this but haven’t found a way of doing it. I struggle because I spend a lot of the day pacing the house as I can’t concentrate on anything, can’t are having the tv or read which I’ve always done. Have even stopped replying to friends when they message.

People say go for a walk but as hard as I try I can’t bring myself to go out so I’m left with these thoughts that seem to be there even when I’m trying to do other things.

Can you give me any tips on how to do this successfully

Tbine
Tbine in reply to Whiskers16

If you decide not to go out for ANY reason, you have to be Okay with your decision. Don't feel bad about it, just tell yourself or Whomever is bothering you that you should go out. Your going to have these bad thoughts because you can not control what kind of thoughts we have,. So start to pay attention to when these bad thoughts START to pop up in your mind, (don't wait until your overwhelmed with negative thoughts) Then don't pay much attention to them by NOT giving them time to stick around by saying to yourself/your thoughts " i am not listening to this BS. everything is good with me" this is just one example but you can choose anything you want to say to those negative thoughts as long as it is always a positive answer to your negative thought/s or a positive comment or correction. By keep doing this EVERY TIME,. Your negative thoughts will stop coming because you stopped trying to either run from them or because you stopped giving your negative thoughts Importance or your care and attention that keeps those thoughts coming back. That's the trick to stopping unwanted, negative thoughts.

Hopelessly
Hopelessly in reply to Tbine

Thank you for the advice, and sharing it with us what works for you and how you do it. And you are right should be more of saying your thoughts when they come. Especially when someone is trying to get you to do something when you don't feel like it. I do have probably just going along with what they ask and trying to please them even when my energy level on empty and I feel overwhelmed. I will start taking notice when the thoughts happen or appear.

Tbine
Tbine in reply to Hopelessly

Good. This will work for anyone because everyone has negative thoughts some of us more than others. But if you practice this each time, it gets easy to do.

Hopelessly
Hopelessly in reply to Tbine

Thank you for the advice and I like the example of quicksand. It's always nice to hear from others who get. And you have not given up and found a way to go on.

Whiskers16 I also pace in my room while trying concentrate and can't focus on anything. I do hate when slump and can't watch TV or read books to calm me down. I usually then just blare my music in my ears. So I'm with you on that

Tbine
Tbine in reply to Hopelessly

Your Welcome. I understand that life can really suck and that you cannot rely on most people to help,. It's depressing ! I still go through all of life's and people's BS on a daily basis and i also feel like giving up, I'm not going to lie. But somehow i get through it by doing what i learned to do over the years to continue to go on. Try to make fun of alot of BS that life or other people constantly throw at you. But one thing you MUST always do, Don't ever take it out on yourself, Keep telling yourself that the people, family, or so called friends ARE NOT WORTH you hurting yourself over, PERIOD. You have to turn things around and again tell yourself "These people or Life itself is not worth me torturing myself over! I won't give them or life's BS the satisfaction of killing me". Empower yourself, Do it for YOU and no matter what you have to face. Realize and see this life for what it really is, but don't blame yourself for everyone else's screwed up attitudes or ignorance, etc, get mad at the way the world and people can be, but please never take that BS out on yourself..

This post has been extremely helpful for me today. Yesterday I had a very bad meltdown.... bad thoughts all day. I even contemplated suicide. But, I cried out to God to help me because I don’t want to leave my family. I’ve tried suicide before and my thoughts are now, what if I’m not successful, I’ll end up in the hospital again and I never want to go back there. I’ve had promised my husband I won’t Try it again. He’s my rock and so supportive of me and I dearly love him. I like what a person said on this feed, replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts...

It’s worth a try...

Thank you for sharing this.... I seem to be having a meltdown everyday, the anxiety and fear in me just doesn’t go. I have been thinking about taking my life for weeks but it’s getting stronger and stronger every day the only thing stopping me is the hurt it will cause my family especially as they think i am coping.

I too am afraid that I won’t succeed.

I feel very hopeless and I'm an alcoholic and feels no one cares. Besides intrusive thoughts if I sleep I have vitalization. Not going to be on this earth much longer. Sorry to be a bummer. See all of you on the other side.

Love Sad John

Agora1
Agora1 in reply to jcochran001

Hi John, since I'm not planning to go to the other side for a while, I'm hoping

we can talk. You certainly aren't a "bummer". This site is a safe place for you to come and get the support and understanding you need. We all need that extra comfort when life seems so hopeless. Talking with others can help you feel so not alone. Giving up is never

the answer but only a short time solution. We can help you with those intrusive thoughts and in feeling no one cares. Because we do. I care :) xx

Thank you Agora. I do want to talk. You've made me feel better

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