Can clinical depression cause a form of bipolar?

[Llama00]

I was diagnosed with clinical depression some years ago and sometimes simple problems or situations affect me really bad and it can last for a while but then randomly I can calm down. When I calm down I'm not happy but I don't constantly have suicidal thoughts.

[VDC1]

There are dozens of different mood and psychological disorders and many of them have share many or most of the criteria of symptoms. There are sometimes 5 different “types” of bipolar disorder. There are million different “anxiety disorders”. I’ve been told by different professionals that I’m bipolar and others say I’m not. Psychology as a science is way behind the other sciences. Seeing a psychiatrist is like seeing a doctor in the 1700’s, Good luck. They don’t know what’s going on

[Llama00 in reply to VDC1]

I don't understand

[Hidden]

This is a good question. I was diagnosed with clinical depression 20+ years ago. Like you, I take things personally and am therefore vulnerable to being deeply affected by things. Is this just part of being ultra -sensitive (stemming from low self-image?)? Or is this something more (like the bipolar you mention)?

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I am really sensitive at times. The question had just been bothering me because I've been feeling terrible again for the past few weeks. I always think of suicide so when I get down its too much to deal with, so I come to this site and usually just post my thoughts but i never ask questions. I posted I think last week and I got a reply that wasn't really mean but it affected me alot and I deleted all my post and didn't want to use the site because I feel like I bother people. I'm givin good advice but I don't receive it well because of my pessimistic attitude.

[Kainan in reply to Llama00]

Yeah I get that. Sorry you dealt with that. Words and posts can be interpreted in different ways by different people. It can be hard to really know what someone is saying since it’s only through text. But in the end, we’re all just trying to help each other out

[Llama00 in reply to Kainan]

Yea I'm just emotional so it's ok

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

I'm sorry it affected you a lot. Sometimes I take things the wrong way as well. Maybe it's just in our nature to do that? Thoughts there? It's tiresome I know. I would like to pass something onto you that I learned from a kindhearted individual if you would allow me to.

Btw, you don't bother people.🙂

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

Yea I'm listening and I always feel like I bother people. I think I'm just a burden.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Unfortunately I'm feeling a bit of the same way right now. Maybe we could both try really hard to tell ourselves we're not burdening anyone. How's that sound? Because we're really not. Our mind is telling us we are. The mind, if told anything (even if they are lies) by over and over, starts to believe it.

Ok, so the awesome piece of advice I got from this person is as follows:

If an external stimulus (anything outside of yourself) is bothering you a bit too much, look within yourself and see where that might be coming from. Example: I'm harping on something right now and am driving myself (and probably my kindhearted individual as well) up the wall with my "obsession". This individual told me to investigate where this obsession might be coming from because, she said, that there's a bigger picture here. My feelings of obsession are not about what happened, but about a bigger issue. I've been racking my brain trying to figure it out what this bigger issue could be and think I may have found my answer this morning. I have dealt with some injustices in my life and what I'm obsessing over now is yet another one (in my mind). Therefore, in my case it is injustice. How's her advice sound to you (does it make sense)? Am I making sense?

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I kind of understand some of it and it's just ironic that you say that you're struggling with that right now because so am I. And to the burden comment my mom told me I was being one a month or 2 ago. I'm not that close with my family but it still bothered me

[Llama00 in reply to Llama00]

Oh that was an example lol

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Yeah, that would bother me too. I'm sorry she said that. I remember being called obnoxious by my dad once when I was a lot younger and still lived at home. Words hurt (and maybe that goes double if you're sensitive).

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

Yea it does. I remember alot of bad things that been said to me over my life. With that example you gave me how would I solve that so it doesn't hurt anymore.

[Llama00 in reply to Llama00]

1 word that's no where near a bad thing changed my mood in seconds, this kind of goes back to my original question of my post. I hate when this happens because I go from calm right back to thinking of suicide.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Oh, I missed this reply. Call someone if you ever think about suicide, okay?

I'm running errands at the moment, so that's why I'm on in spurts. I'm just about to get my haircut; I'm really excited! I'm hoping it will make me feel better too.

I hope you're able to enjoy your day. Do something fun if you can!

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I think about suicide every day and thank you for talking to me.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Oh dear... I'm sorry. You deserve to feel much better.

You're welcome🙂

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I'm use to it. I never go through with my thoughts I wish I could though.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

I think that might be one of the bigger questions for us. Although I think I've pinpointed my bigger issue, I'm not sure where to go from here. I am going to talk to my therapist about it on Tuesday. She might be able to give me some idea of what to do with it. If you don't mind my asking, do you have a therapist?

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I had one but I no longer had transportation or a way to pay. I would have to speak to my mother about my depression and I never want to do that.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Can I ask why you don't want to tell her? You're human and humans have emotions. It's okay to have emotions. If I had been told this by both parents when I was a teenager, I think I wouldn't have such low self-value now.

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

She doesn't really believe me and I've never trusted my family enough to speak about how I feel. They would just judge me.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

I'm sorry

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Hi. If you would like, I can tell you what my therapist advises me on Tuesday.

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

Yea that would be nice.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Cool! I've saved this post, so I know to come back to it.

Signing off now. Have a good rest of your day.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Hi. I just talked with my therapist and she had some good advice.

Remember me telling you about the advice my kindhearted individual gave me? About how, if a particular thing happens to you, you should look at what it's triggering in you? About how it's not the particular thing happening to you as much as it is being part of a bigger picture that is really bothering you?

In my instance, I have been treated unfairly online and not much has been done about it. While this is a particular issue, there is also a bigger issue here that this particular issue has triggered in me. This bigger issue is the lack of justice in general situations. I've been hurt throughout my real life and nothing was done (or not much anyway). Since I've been hurt in the recent past as well (particular issue) and not much was done about it, even though it was online, I still see it as just another injustice added to my list (bigger issue). Does this make more sense?

My therapist told me that there are injustices everywhere. It doesn't make them right, but it doesn't stop the fact that they're there. She said that there are ***holes (her word) everywhere. We then got to talking about how someone told her something that really hurt and it took her a year to get over. The coincidence with her story is that it also happened in an online group.

There are two parts to my "bigger issue" -- 1. the lack of justice and 2. wanting to stick around to make sure justice is served.

The advice she had for the second part is that I can't save the world. She used the analogy of a doctor not wanting to leave their patient's side because they think the patient will die without them. She also used herself as an example. She is nearing retirement, but is having a hard time with that because she doesn't want to leave her patients. She is afraid that something will happen and she won't be there to save them. She went on to tell me that it will be okay. She told me that, if I choose to leave the online scene (have contemplated it for a long time now), things won't fall apart. People I know who have faced the same particular injustice I have will be okay.

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I don't really understand. What do you mean?

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Which part?

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

Nevermind I read it over and I understand a bit more now.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Great! Even though this is about my thing, does it help answer your question?

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I don't know. What was the answer.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

In other words no. That's fine. Let's try it this way. Pick one thing that bothers you that you feel comfortable mentioning to me. If you would rather message me that is fine. Just click on my username and click "message". We'll go from there.

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I live with my grandmother, I've never liked it here but I had no where else to stay. I want to move away and not speak to my family but I don't have a job and would have to rely on them the people who I don't enjoy being around. That's 1 thing that bothers me

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Your situation sounds tough. I really suggest talking to a therapist about this. I think I've gotten in over my head here. I need a break from talking about this to be honest. I know I offered to help, but sometimes I do that only to realize that I really shouldn't. I'm not a qualified therapist.

I wish you luck!

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

Lol its ok I wasn't expecting my problem to be solved. Thanks anyway.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

No problem.🙂

Have a good day!

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Hi again. Another way to word the advice I was given:

I'll use an emoji for "leads to"

1. External stimulus (ex. hurtful word as in your example) 👉 hurt feelings in you.

2. Instead of just looking at that one external stimulus, look at what it is triggering in you.

My example:

1. Hurtful words 👉 me feeling hurt and betrayed.

2. This has triggered in me all the times I've witnessed injustice.

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

I don't understand this one.

[Hidden in reply to Llama00]

Yeah, I just thought about it some more as well. I wasn't clear. We'll talk about it Tuesday or Wednesday, okay? It's clear in my head, but is coming out a bit jumbled.

Have a good weekend, hon!

[Llama00 in reply to Hidden]

Ok, you have a nice weekend too.