What to do with friend who hurt me.

[Dogloverintucson]

A few weeks ago a long time close friend of mine blew up at me over the phone. She called me a game player and said I expect too much. This is after she had cancelled twice with me to join up but then wrote back "but maybe if you're in town and it's not hot, we can go for a walk later this week." I didn't respond to that text because it's August... it's gonna be hot and I wasn't planning on being in town (we both live 30 minute drive different directions outside the city). And, to be honest, i didn't want to say let's do it to have her cancel yet again. She wouldn't let me explain myself without saying it doesn't matter what I say. We haven't been in communication since. Thoughts?

[Mia898]

Leave it time will heal . Big hugs and sorry to hear this

[Hidden]

Don't take it personal.

[WiltedFlower]

hm, maybe talk to luna_child? she has been experiencing similar issues but on the other end. I feel like she could help you out.

[Dogloverintucson in reply to WiltedFlower]

I searched under that name and nothing came up

[WiltedFlower in reply to Dogloverintucson]

hm, sorry man.

[Ladybug9]

It must be the weather! The exact same thing happened to my neighbor. She had forgotten she was suppose to meet the person and he called screaming at her, said a few choice words and she hasn't heard from him since. And I don't believe she has anything to apologize for after apologizing for forgetting once already. It is now his turn. I really can't understand friends treating friends like that to be honest.

[Dogloverintucson]

Thanks, all. I'm trying to be compassionate knowing we are in trying times but she said she's a loner and doesn't need much friendship involvement (hence she saying I expect too much). Incidentally, we've seen each other twice since March and usually call once per week. At this juncture I feel I need to evaluate if I want a friend who doesn't want to hear from me much.

[Hidden]

I have found this (from my self compassion course) to be surprisingly helpful. It may or may not be for you.

It is not my fault.

I can’t fix it,

even though I might want to try to do so.

I find this helps give me a little space. Sometimes things get better, sometimes they don't but they feel a little easier with these reminders.

[Dogloverintucson in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. Those are good reminders. What compassion course did you take?

[Ilovepugs123]

Sounds like one of my friends, my friend used to do that to me too and still does today, If a friend keeps cancelling on you, don't waste your time on them, if they really wanted to hangout with you, they would of made the effort to go pick you up and not make up excuses, I say block the person or just end the friendship, this person sounds toxic and trust me i been in these kind of friendships and it sounds like maybe this friend is obsessed with you and thats not good. You don't have to explain anything to her if shes not gonna listen to you. Don't contact her, don't even try with her. I hope you do the right thing. If you ever need anyone to talk to please feel free to message me.

[Dogloverintucson in reply to Ilovepugs123]

Thank you. She has some unresolved childhood stuff to do with abandonment and doesn't let too many get close. I'm not making any overtures toward her but will discuss it if she calls. Doesn't mean we'll have the same friendship though.

[Ilovepugs123 in reply to Dogloverintucson]

We all have issues in our life's and maybe talking to her will change something but at the end of the day its your decision.

[sunandbutterfly]

So sorry to hear of the bad experiences and the hurt that you have experienced. If you can in some way offer forgiveness, it will be helpful to you moving forward.

Unfortunately, things may change with your friendship. It could be that you may not be as close to your friend. Will you have opportunity to build new friendships with the covid stuff going on? Or maybe some current acquaintances that you can spend more time investing in? Hope that helps!

[Dogloverintucson in reply to sunandbutterfly]

Thank you. I am trying to make new friends via online Meetup groups. I do get together with other friends occasionally too.

[Naturelover58]

Dogloverintucson, I'm not on this list often, but am reading your post now from a year ago. I'm not sure if you resolved the issues that you had with your friend, but I just wrote about similar issues I had with a lifetime best friend. She left our friendship two years ago, because she felt that I didn't support her and I had tried to go with her to counseling for a few sessions, but she quit because she felt that the counselor was only on my side. As far as my friend went, she required complete control. If she called, she expected me to answer and always be available. It caused me a lot of anxiety over the last few years. I hope your situation has resolved in a good way.