Trying to like myself

[Ringlove]

I suffer from depression. Maybe it’s from the pandemic. Mostly it stems from a feeling of uselessness. I know my chemo radiation & surgery we’re almost 3 years ago, but I still suffer from fatigue. My kids have zero empathy. I feel like it’s all in my head when I have trouble walking mainly because they imply that all the time. I go for bloodwork every 3 months to check my cancer market. It’s scary.

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome!👋

It's not in your head, I can assure you that much! I'm sorry you're kids have zero sympathy; that is not cool. My mother is a cancer survivor, in remission for about 10 years now. I remember flying up to help her when she first started her journey. I fail to understand how children can't be kind when they see their own parent suffer.

I agree that it is very scary.

[Ringlove in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply. Prior to being diagnosed with cancer I was never sick. Looked 20 years younger. It’s hard to accept the change in my life. I lost all my long hair. But it actually grew back a darker brown and curly. I am 64, never had grey hair. For that I’m grateful for sure. But I am always so fatigued

[Hidden in reply to Ringlove]

My mom lost all her hair as well and wore scarves. Her hair is back now and, like yours, it came back to its natural color. Her hearing is better now too (hearing loss as a chemo effect). She was also never sick before her cancer, so it was very hard for her.

Fatigue is an awful thing!

[Freedom57]

You’ve been through a lot! Chemo, radiation & surgery!

Have you talked to your doctor about your difficulty walking, you might have side effects from your treatments. Our bodies talk to us

It’s hard not to be in your head after what you’ve been through. I have medical issues and have started to tell myself I’m healthy. Have heard our brain doesn’t know the difference between the truth & a lie.

Are you a single parent, do you have supportive friends or family to lean on

Sending a big hug🤗

[Ringlove in reply to Freedom57]

Thank you so very much.

[primrose81]

Poor you, I honestly believe it takes ages to recover from surgery and radiation therapy. I had the latter but not the surgery following breast cancer and it honestly knocked me for six so I dread to think what it must be like for you. I firmly believe that rates of recovery vary from one individual to another. Is there perhaps a relative or friend who could have a quiet word with your children to persuade them to be more considerate? I do so hope so, it must be so hurtful for you x

[Ringlove in reply to primrose81]

I appreciate your response. My older daughter said that I’ve been in remission for almost 3 years get over it. If it were that simple why would I have to be tested every three months and my toe still be numb from the chemo? I actually don’t dwell on it all that much but lately with the heat I’ve just gotten a little down on myself thank you again for your reply

[primrose81 in reply to Ringlove]

Please don't beat yourself up x

[Sprinkle1]

Hello, I feel for you. I lost my best friend of 27 years to cancer, it took 5 years to kill her. I watched her go thru hell. Another good friend was gobbled up by cancer, yet another friend at 35 had breast cancer, almost got to 5 years and came down with breast cancer again in her other breast. I helped her all I could, I even talked with her oncologist. She is still alive today in her low 60's.

I cannot understand why your children are so hurtful, weren't they raised to have empathy for people? Please talk to your Doc. there has to be some answers to your condition. I suffer with severe anxiety/depression, I finally went on new med's late last year, I have to be careful as they make me wobbly. I have canes and a walker, but am getting by without them so far. But it is better than being suicidal!!! Life is difficult and wrought with challenges, a book that helped me years ago is by Dr. Scott Peck "The Road Less Traveled", they have it at Amazon new/used, it might be of some help to you. I am trying to think of the name of an oncologist that wrote some great books, I read some, perhaps you could look on line under oncologists.

I hope you have a good supportive friend you can lean on, is there a cancer survivor group in your area, look on line.

Do not give up on yourself, do not put yourself down, you are a special person, with your own talents and gifts. Find some uplifting things you can do, were you can sit. do you like crosswords, jigsaws, coloring books, word books, knitting, sewing, etc., Talk to your Dr. maybe a short dose of an antidepressant would be of help, I found Prozac very helpful.

Write to us here, we offer support and love, I send you Peace, courage, strength, more love and big hugs.......Sprinkle 1

[Ringlove]

Oh how much I appreciate your message ! Thank you

[marsdream]

Hello. My mom and brother both died with cancer. That depression is not in your head. What you went through was traumatic. You may want to speak with a counselor about working through the depression and anxiety that you are experiencing. You are in remission and that is a wonderful blessing. Take one day at a time, and reach out for help. You can do it!