Jumping to conclusions

[Freedom57]

Any ideas how to stop

Over thinking people are being disrespectful to me

I react out of fear instead of love and have lost friends over this character flaw

[Ladybug9]

You are already a step ahead because you have acknowledged that you react out of fear instead of love. You don't have a character flaw, you are reacting to something that happened at some point in your life and fear reacts first. It sounds like you have some demons in your life. Don't give your demons the fuel they need to set you on fire! And please don't put yourself down! There isn't one person on this planet who doesn't have some flaw and we are all absolutely human with human flaws! And as I said, you have overcome the worst obstacle and that is acknowledging what you are doing. Now lets get you working in the other direction!!

[Freedom57 in reply to Ladybug9]

Thanks for your feedback Ladybug9

[Ladybug9 in reply to Freedom57]

You are so welcome. Hugs.

[fervent7]

Hi there Freedom....great username by the way.

I'm in the process of coming up with some strategies for someone with learning disabilities who keeps misunderstanding his friends and then leads to fights with him locking himself away in his bedroom instead of going out on the weekends with his friends.

And that's what many a times it may be - MISUNDERSTANDINGS.

The important thing to do is to go and ask questions with a decision made that you will be open to hear them out. Make the decision that it will take a whole lot more for you to end a friendship. Just making that decision alone will allow you to be open enough to full understand what is truly going on.

Sometimes, our fear can cause us to self-sabotage our friendships as fear can cause us to verbally lash out. Knowing this, will also tell you that you feel safe enough around these people to voice your thoughts.

Maybe they are being disrespectful. It's time to ask the questions with an apology to come to a middle of ground of respect from both sides.

Start by giving them the benefit of the doubt and if you then have facts to base it on them being disrespectful, then let them know how it's been making you feel.

Trying to control the impulse of anger may be hard but realize your comfort zone is to be alone but to step outside of yourself and take the extra step will bring you a new and improved FREEDOM57.

Hugs...

[Freedom57 in reply to fervent7]

Really, really appreciate your message

[Trevor2]

I have struggled with this my whole life and it sucks. Just recently I've started making myself write a quick note every time I start doing this to get my mind out of defense mode.

If anyone has more ideas let us know please, this is hurting my relationships.

[Freedom57 in reply to Trevor2]

I appreciate your reply Trevor2

I need to slow down & write down all the possible reasons someone didn’t respond back to be instead of automatically thinking I’m being rejected

I’m going to write down all the possible reasons which most likely have nothing to do with me

[Trevor2]

Let me know if it helps, I have only had a few days to do this so far.

[Hidden]

I have struggled with this my whole life too. I joined therapy a while ago and we discussed this. I built a habit of literally brainstorming possible solutions to help me overcome my distrust. Included in that have been reminders as to where my own insecurities have come from ie 'my mum left, so all this may be is fear of abandonment', or alternatives to why a person has behaved how they have. That helped me alot. I write them all down too on a sheet of paper. I often find I just need patience to work through the pain and over time Ive got used to when people arent always available when I may have wanted them to be. More exposure to these times while seeing my friends have not left me now helps me not to overreact. Its so important never to let go of a friendship just because we are in pain otherwise the feelings cannot change, we will always be trapped in a cycle of fear of rejection. But if we keep them, then slowly as we see the relationship is still there our emotional pain lessens as we experience these triggers. I do genuinely think talking over my thoughts with an understanding therspist has helped too. Its still not easy but they can guide you and not let you let yourself of the hook so to speak and give way to your emotions. However, even without a therapist you can still do well.

Something else that Ive done that helps is building a list of reasons I can trust my friends I.e 'they took time to listen to me' 'they bought me a pressie', 'they showed understanding to me that one time I was upset' etc and having this close to hand to resource and remind me that they can be trusted. It calms my mind to remind me of theae things.

[Freedom57 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much Cuddly-bear for sharing, I have abandonment & trust issues but never correlated this might be contributing to the reason for my reacting as if I’m being rejected or disrespected

[Freedom57 in reply to Hidden]

I really like what you shared in your last paragraph & will do this exercise, thanks!

[FeelSoBadAboutMyself in reply to Freedom57]

Thats excellent. Im so glad it has given you something to work with. 😊

[Hidden]

I have done the same type of thing. I'm thinking it might be helpful to you to try to read this book called Feeling Good by David Burns. He talks about different kinds of thoughts that are overgeneralizations, mind-reading, etc. It's really a book about helping depression, but I remember it helped me not to overreact about other people's behavior.

[Freedom57 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the book recommendation!