Terrified of my manager

[Fatima_sh]

I’m 24 years old and I was hired on September as an administrative assistant at a college (I worked 6 for months at another department that I really liked before being transferred). The end of the year evaluation is coming up soon and I’m utterly terrified.

I can’t help but shake the feeling that something is going to happen. I am really afraid of my boss and what he will say and do.

I’ve had an incident once (same boss as the current one) where I was called to a directors office (keep in mind their status is A LOT higher than a regular manager, they’re basically the boss of the entire college) and I was ridiculed and humiliated without even giving me a heads up. I wasn’t even given a chance to defend myself and speak up! Now every time my manager isn’t happy with me I feel like that incident is going to happen all over again, and to think that before this even happened I was actually very enthusiastic,energetic and excited about the change.

I am not saying I’m perfect, or that I do my work perfectly 100% of the time, as a matter of fact I wasn’t even trained and I’m learning this as I go! Every time I ask my manager a question he tells me to ask the other admins... he doesn’t give me the time of day, so how am I supposed to learn from my mistakes?! I think in the span of 9 months we only had one meeting about my performance, and he never says anything good! He just focuses is the negatives... surely I’ve done some things right?

I really hate my job... I would love to just leave and find something else to do, but I don’t have an experience and I don’t even know what I want yet! This experience isn’t even helping, sure I might look back at it someday and laugh. It might even make me stronger, but at the moment it’s so unbearable. I don’t even know how to describe my feelings to you, but trust me this is all just tiny taste of what happens begins the scenes.

God knows what’s going to happen to me in two weeks, my anxiety is killing me. I can’t even stand up without feeling dizzy, because of over thinking and fear.