Intrusive thoughts HELP?!

Hi, so for the longest time I’ve suffered with this one thought that can’t seem to go away. I’ve gotten better at telling myself it was thought from the beginning and just let it go but sometimes I’ll get stuff around me on the internet that reminds me of it and I can’t help but to think......well maybe that’s a sign that I did do it. Also sometimes when I try to imagine in my head it looks real and it feels real and then this wave a of fear rushes over me and I get this rush of anxiety. To keep it short when I was little I was sexually assaulted by my cousin and I struggled with that during my early teens and when I discussed it with my mom she told me that “young kids tend to act out certain things that happened to them to other people”. That got me thinking “What if I’ve ever done something like that to someone”. After that I started to imagine me doing the same thing that happened to me to my little sister that then became a fear of me being just as bad as my cousin and hurting someone the same way u was hurt. At first I was like no way but then I got this little voice saying “What if you did and you don’t remember”, “What if you did do it”, “What if it did happen” then the little voice said “You did do it, and you horrible person” and “And your going to hell for this”. Soon those feelings of my doing it felt too real and i admitted to it and sank into a deep depression and couldn’t believe myself I felt awful but then I realized how could this be real if it was just a thought. I realized I had encouraged this thought so much that is felt REAL and then I told my parents I didn’t do it but I still felt guilt. That all happened in 2016-2017. Since then I’ve gotten better about but I still get paranoid here and there and I’ll see stuff on the internet that reminds me of it and I think what if this is a sign and I get scared all over again. I’ve tried to manage it but I have my days. Any advice to help get rid of this fear it’s tiring and I Just want to stop being afraid of it and come to realization that nothing happened and I want to put it to bed, thank you!

[Hidden]

Hello.

First, let me express how awfully sorry that happened to you.

Secondly, congratulations for realizing that they're just thoughts! The mind can play awful tricks on us, can't it?

Thirdly, what is it that you're looking at on the internet to remind you of this?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Tiktok mostly lol. But I’ll see creators getting exposed for stuff they’ve done to others on a sexual scale and it really bothers me I hate to hear stuff like that so I just block it or sometime the creator express an event that is on sexual level that has happened to them. And thank u, I really appreciate it. They just make me feel like what if this is a sign that this actually did happen.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You're very welcome. I'm going to start my day now, so will be off of here for several hours. Just keep tellling yourself that they are just thoughts and are not real. As it sounds like you already know, thouthts can't discern between what's right and what's wrong, so we have to teach it.