The Point

[Picfan]

I am so depressed and I feel guilty for being depressed. Somedays I feel like if I went in th hospital maybe I could get better but then I worry about those that I will leave behind. Like my partner. Will she leave me while I am gone, decide this is too much and just move away.

I have tried staying busy, planting plants, cooking, canning peaches but it always ends the same way with me just in tears.

My kids are grown. One never responds to me and I never let on how depressed I am to him. I just try to be cheerful and ask how his day is and such. My daughter says she is too busy but she is always doing something with her friends.

I have 4 grandkids but because I wont let the stay on there electronics non stop I guess they dont want to be here any more.

I have a few friends and I try going and doing things and I feel a bit better but then I come home and the depression is there. Most of the time I just avoid going anywhere.

I spent most of the day thinking how I wish my time would come and then thinking of everything I need to get done in case it does.

I feel guilty for feeling the way I feel.

[Pugglesworth]

Pardon my observation (as you didn't ask for advice), but it sounds like you may be adding to your already existing depression with guilt. I'm not sure why you feel guilty (as depression is a natural state of mind), but it seems like that would help create more depression. When I'm depressed I have a difficult time staying busy and I barely eat at all. I know when I'm depressed because I stop cooking, baking, I drop weight and lose interest in exercise. It usually takes me awhile (weeks running into a month or two) to get myself out of a 'good' solid depression. I do that by forcing myself to eat, cook and exercise. And it sucks until it doesn't.

I've never felt guilty about how I feel as I don't ask to feel the way I do: it just happens. Feelings find me. Like you, I try to cultivate joy by concentrating on cheerfulness and being thankful; however, that does take time to find roots.

[Picfan in reply to Pugglesworth]

Thank you! You are right I do feel guilty for feeling depressed. I think of how blessed I am in some ways and it makes me feel bad for being depressed. What you are saying is so true and I know it. Getting out and doing things would help so much and I know this to be true. I have the means to get out and I do have friends to get out with. I am just so scared of ruining those friendships with my depression.

[Rosco49]

Hello my friend, first of all, you have nothing to feel guily about, we do not choose to feel the way we do and I say we, as i have experienced many of the feeling you describe. I don't know what your experience is with meds, it can certainly help if you find correct one at correct dosage for you as we are all a bit different. I am going back on Sertraline at 25mg just to try give me a platform from which to build on, but this time gonna cut out alcohol and any illicit drugs that I may have taken in past. Try speak to your Doctor and explore some options, we all havea tool kit for feeling better that we can build up, usually combination of medication, lifestyle, healthier eating, excercise, meditation/prayer etc. Best wishes to you in finding and accessing your toolkit, but try speaking to Doctor first, (who is hopefullya good listener, if not, change Doctors, as you need to be heard).