Why isn't it enough? : Things have been... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Why isn't it enough?

Square251
Square251

Things have been going pretty well lately. Probably the only good thing that came out of the virus was that my exams got replaced with research papers which are way more easy and interesting. I finished them all before the deadline and they're pretty decent. The results didn't come out yet but I think I'll pass. It's summer vacation for me now. I have a decent routine. Everyday I watch a movie with my mom on Netflix. I chat with my close friends online. Also that game I talked about before with the good storyline? My mom got interested in it and now she watches me play it everyday. Our relationship has been pretty good, no fights or arguments. Things are going well for me. Why am I not happy then? Why don't I feel the same way I was when I was with that girl I liked? Why is nothing making me happy? Why is nothing enough?

58 Replies
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Hidden
Hidden

(Not on vacation yet)

First of all, I'm so happy that things are going well for you!!!!!😃😃😃😃

Secondly, I would give it some time. Remember how badly you were feeling? And for a long time too? You've come out of a huuugggeee hole. I'm not surprised that you're struggling. Do you know what I told my husband after finishing one of the threads I participated in with you? I climbed into bed exhausted, so my husband asked me what was wrong. I replied, "I feel like I just gave birth".

Thirdly (and what I also struggle with,) it might be that you've gotten used to being depressed and or/anxious. Having things go your way all of a sudden has become uncomfortable territory. As humans, we don't like being uncomfortable. Becoming comfortable once again takes time.

Getting this post from you is like daylight after a looonnngggg night!!

Square251
Square251 in reply to Hidden

Thanks buddy. Yeah sorry for being stubborn sometimes. I get what you mean but it wasn't like that when I was with her. It was like night and day. I went from being completely hopeless and wanting to die to totally happy in just a couple days. I'm not even close to feeling like that.

Square before I can be happy in a relationship and not just dependent, I have to be reasonably happy with myself so I have something to bring to the relationship. Keep working on yourself so you you can make yourself happy. Then you’ll able to make someone else happy.

But everything is going fine and I'm still not happy, what's wrong with me?

I try to settle for reasonably content with myself and my life. And that that’s numerous gratitude lists of all the things I have to be grateful for. I start with a roof over my head. Clothes on my back and food in my belly. How many people don’t even have that? Next I go to my senses. Of sight, hearing etc.

I can walk. I have both my legs. And the more I search the more I find

But it feels pointless if I can never be happy like that again.

But you definitely won’t be until you are comfortable with yourself. Peace is an inside job. And it takes a lot of work. I need to stop looking for happiness outside myself. Happiness is a byproduct of internal peace. And only you can make the decision to do that.

I'm trying but it feels like I'm just lying to myself.

The longer you say it to yourself the more chance there will be that your brain will rewire and you’ll come to believe it. It’s substituting positive for negative thinking. I make a gratitude list quite often.

Also I think you’re lying to yourself when to tell yourself positive change is impossible and not worth it.

I'll try but I dunno.

Do it with the attitude that it’s going to work and you’ll have more of a chance that it will. Give it 90 days. If you do it for that amount of time, you’ll notice an improved attitude. You don’t have to believe it. Just believe that I believe.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Square251

You're welcome! 🙂

Keep working on it, buddy! You'll get there👍

LoveBear
LoveBear in reply to Hidden

Excellent response - feeling similar to Square 251 - things aren’t bad actually ok but still not happy. Appreciate insights into the exhausting efforts to move forward and the uncomfortable territory so accurate - thank you!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to LoveBear

You're very welcome, LoveBear! Anything to help😊

I'm very touched by your appreciative response!!🙏🙏🙏🙂🙂🙂🙂

I think it’s okay to be dissatisfied with your life, it healthy that you are continuing to reach for betterment, and sounds like while things are going well right now you want more, you want to share your heart again, etc. You want to feel what it’s like being in love again. Keep in mind though another person cannot make you feel whole, it will only go so far, you yourself must make yourself feel whole, content, happy, satisfied, etc.

Try not to over think life, this message you wrote today means to me your not wanting to settle. You must start loving your self, taking care of your self. Another key is practicing gratitude, and doing this daily.

You’ll get there, keep reaching, searching and making things better. Your off to a great start now, ride this momentum.

Square251
Square251 in reply to RoxieDawn

How do I make myself feel whole though?

RoxieDawn
RoxieDawn in reply to Square251

Loving yourself is first. Practice self care everyday and practice gratitude. You’ll be surprised at the power both of these thing have. I think your off to a great start by admitting there are things going well in your life.

Being open and honest with your therapist so he/she can help you with how to get through the down days. You’ve displayed severe depression that has caused anger, rage, self harm, arguments with family, etc. Learning to build your self esteem, obtaining tools and coping strategies that help you be more in control of yourself, handling of your problems in a calm way.. things your therapist can help with.

Square251
Square251 in reply to RoxieDawn

How do I love myself though? Nothing changes the fact that I do not deserve what I have. I already practice gratitude, maybe even too much to the point that I don't think I deserve what I have. I don't deserve my parents, I don't deserve getting into medicine, I don't deserve a lot of things. Also I already am honest with my therapist, there's just not much she could do since she's online.

RoxieDawn
RoxieDawn in reply to Square251

Like lily said, you’ll start to believe in your abilities with repetition, the better your attitude towards your life the better it gets. Your attitude changes, people see you as confident, you’ll attract positive. Funny how it works this way. 😊

Therapists can listen online just as easy as in person. She’s getting paid to help you, let her help you. Tell her what your discussing here for example.

Square251
Square251 in reply to RoxieDawn

I'm trying but it just feels like I'm lying to myself.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Square251

Hi Square. Have you heard the phrase "fake it 'til you make it"?

RoxieDawn
RoxieDawn in reply to Hidden

I fake it everyday, I’m making it. It’s not without some discomfort along the way, but not letting it win is key. Just say NO your not winning over me today. 😁😁😁

Hidden
Hidden in reply to RoxieDawn

Exactly 👍

Square251
Square251 in reply to Hidden

I just can't lie to myself though.

RoxieDawn
RoxieDawn in reply to Square251

These are feelings, feelings aren’t facts. Keep trying.

Square251
Square251 in reply to RoxieDawn

They are facts though. Me not liking medicine is still a fact.

RoxieDawn
RoxieDawn in reply to Square251

As in taking medicine? Or your studies?

Either way this isn’t a feeling, you are right it’s a fact.

Square251
Square251 in reply to RoxieDawn

Nah I mean my studies.

RoxieDawn
RoxieDawn in reply to Square251

I don’t know the circumstances in how it became you HAD to study medicine, I do know you are passing. You are able to accomplish this amazing feat which I know I would never be able to do.

I cannot offer advice if something like this is being forced on you which I hope it’s not. And if it is, it truly sounds like having this degree is going to open up to amazing possibilities. You don’t have to stay in this career, there will be people you meet, colleagues you work with, new opportunities are going open up.

So what the exams were cancelled, you capitalized on a situation and it worked out well for you. Call that lucky and smart. Like I said you’ll plan and do better next year to prevent from becoming behind.

Square251
Square251 in reply to RoxieDawn

I'm passing but barely. The only reason I passed this year was because of exams being canceled due to the virus.

RoxieDawn
RoxieDawn in reply to Square251

Don’t take me the wrong way... but you’re staying in the negative. Being negative breeds more negativity.

There has to some silver lining in which you feel good about something and being proud of your accomplishment. Next year you plan studies better. Follow the 4 ps = proper planning prevents problems. You’ll do better next year.

So what the exams were cancelled, you capitalized on a situation and it worked out well for you. Call that lucky and smart. Like I said you’ll plan and do better next year to prevent from becoming behind.

Square251
Square251 in reply to RoxieDawn

It only gets progressively harder though. My old friends keep telling me about how hard it is.

RoxieDawn
RoxieDawn in reply to Square251

Well... You keep coming back with this and that, it’s going to be this way, and that way. 😤😤You’re smart and intelligent and very capable. So buckle down and get the work done and pass.

Square251
Square251 in reply to RoxieDawn

I'll try.

Who says you have to like it? You’ve chosen it because it fits in your long term goals of getting out of the country. So you’re working towards that.

I’ve done an awful number of things in my life that I had to do to be responsible and couldn’t afford the luxury of asking myself if I liked them or not. I was a single parent with two mouths to feed working in a job I didn’t really care for but needed the money. I just did what I had to do at the time. To achieve my goals of survival.

That’s what you’re doing. Nobody says you need to like it. Just make the best of an uncomfortable situation. You’ll win in the long run.

Short term pain for long term happiness.

Things is, I'll never be truly good at it if I don't like it and they only take the best of the best so if I'm not decent there's no way I can move.

So make sure you’re good at it if you really want to get out.

How can I be good at something I hate though?

Suzymonkey
Suzymonkey in reply to Square251

Take the sad feeling as is. Recognize your sadness. I think the work you are doing around gratitude can be tweaked to focus on feeling the gratitude that you are simply here - I would start the loving kindness exercise with yourself before moving onto others. If you cannot have gratitude for yourself, don’t move onto think about others. You cannot appreciate and love others fully unless you appreciate yourself first. Feel the gratitude that your body is present in this current moment - gratitude that you are you, and you are able to feel - regardless of the emotions. Even if it is sadness you are feeling, even if it is despair. Because that’s what it means to be alive. You are feeling this because you are alive. You are given the chance to feel your surrounding now. We all die one day, and this is simply a point in time for all of us.

Square251
Square251 in reply to Suzymonkey

I feel too much gratitude though. To the point that I don't think I deserve it. I don't deserve anything in my life.

Suzymonkey
Suzymonkey in reply to Square251

I don’t think you are having the issue of too much gratitude. You are not appreciating yourself. That’s not too much gratitude.

Square251
Square251 in reply to Suzymonkey

I really don't deserve it though. Let's take me getting into med school as an example. I never studied in high school, just barely. Yet I somehow got in. I see others studying 24/7 and still can't get in but I do? How do I deserve that? I don't, the others did.

Hidden
Hidden

Square,

You love to help people and make them feel at ease, this is clear in your behavior towards new members to the group. Since doing this is a big part of doctor's job, you are on the right track. You might not like the journey to becoming one, but I have a feeling that you'll enjoy it once you become one.

Keep your eye on the prize.

Square251
Square251 in reply to Hidden

I don't know.

Hidden
Hidden

Square,

I have an idea. How about you enjoy where you're at now (mentally). You sound happy, so let's stay there. It's summer and college is out, right? Enjoy the summer, play your game, do other things you enjoy, etc.

You've come out of a huge hole; let's not go back into it just yet. Give yourself a break because you deserve it!!!

I took a yoga class this morning, where the emphasis was on being in the "here and now". It was awesome and very relaxing! Can we try being in the "here and now" please?

Square251
Square251 in reply to Hidden

That's the thing, even though things are fine, I'm still not happy and I don't know why.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Square251

"Fake it 'til you make it". This phrase is commonly used in psychology. Ask your therapist about it. I'd be surprised if he/she doesn't know about it.

Square251
Square251 in reply to Hidden

But again, I just can't lie to myself.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Square251

This is why it's called "fake it 'til you make it". The way I understand it, you are essentially lying to yourself until it becomes genuine. The way I understand it, you are using reverse psychology on yourself.

Here is the urban dictionary's definition:

urbandictionary.com/define....

Square251
Square251 in reply to Hidden

I can't do that though. Lying to myself just makes me angry.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Square251

No one likes to lie to themselves...

Gotta to pack and get ready for flying tomorrow (get my arms ready, etc😆). 'll be back in a week, okay? Stay safe until then.🙂

Square251
Square251 in reply to Hidden

OK take care, have a nice vacation!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Square251

Thanks, bud!🙂

You are lying to yourself when you're telling yourself you don't deserve your parents, getting into meds etc. Your negative thinking is sabotaging any chance of happiness. Saying positive affirmations to yourself is changing the negative, destructive self talk in your head, to reprogram your brain to think differently, positively. It is not lying. Psychologists, therapists, motivational speakers have written books about how affirmations changes the brains physiology. Happiness is a state of mind, followed by physical feelings in the body. You're not feeling happy because you're brain doesn't know how to be happy.

Search for TED talks and other YouTube videos on the value of affirmations on psychology of the brain. Build a playlist of affirmation videos and just play them and listen to them over and over.

Square251
Square251 in reply to Jeremiah29

It isn't lying, it's a fact. My parents being too nice to me even though I'm awful is a fact. Me not putting in the effort to get into med school but getting in anyway is a fact. But telling myself I'm supposed to be happy even though I'm not, that's lying. I think my brain already knows how to be happy because I was happy when I was with that girl I liked. Also what are TED talks?

Do you think kids in Africa deserve to be starving because of corrupt policy makers? Do you think a person who didn’t contribute the community deserve to win a lottery? Those things happen EVERY SINGLE DAY EVERYWHERE. It happens to you, me, and it happens to ton of others. Positive or negative. There are things you don’t have control over. And certainly you have no control over what happened in the past. If I were you I would stop focusing on what you have no control over. That’s the first step to happiness.

Gratitude has nothing at all to do with if you deserve something or not. You don’t feel the gratitude because you deserved it. You feel the gratitude regardless. Even if you are in a bad situation, you try to find good in that situation. You appreciate the very present regardless of what you have, which school you are in, or what kind of job you have. Very honestly, I would so much rather be appreciating the present and being happy, even if I’m not in a great school or have great jobs, than being miserable focusing on all the things I cannot control with great job, lots of money.

Also have you thought, maybe those who didn’t get in the med school are happier now, and have found something else going on for them, even if it is now what they wanted then. But things unfold in very unexpected ways and people who are willing find ways out of difficulty to grow further.

You know after all, everyone and all living things die. Could be tomorrow, could be decades from now. In that sense, school or money or other material things really don’t matter. It’s all fair game in that we all have end and the only thing you have control over is now.

Hope my point is getting across. I see that you are so fixated on things you don’t have control over now, and is living in the past. I hope you find a way to get out of that vicious cycle. Really recommend getting a therapist if you are willing to work on yourself.

Square251
Square251 in reply to Suzymonkey

What's the point though? Why even bother? I know you can't answer that, no one can. I appreciate you trying to help. I am going therapy but it's just online, I'm a lost cause really.

Suzymonkey
Suzymonkey in reply to Square251

My question to you is exactly the same - what’s the point of focusing on the past and things you don’t have control over? Happiness is comes with actions and intentions. Hope the therapy sessions work, and maybe helpful to seek other help to get meds too. Combination approach is known to work the best. Good luck!

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