Trying to be Diplomatic

[mvillarreal]

Hi, everyone. There are certain conversation topics that are very triggering to me. There is a time and a place where I do discuss these issues to try to face my fears, but this is mainly in therapy. My mom, however, whom I love dearly, frequently brings up these issues, and I think she knows, at least on some level, that it's triggering to me. How do I tell her that I don't want to talk about the subject in question without coming across as rude or cruel? I don't want to be mean, but it would also be nice to not be triggered so often.

[RCJH8610]

You have to be honest with her, but it is also good to be exposed to what triggers you because the more your expose yourself, the less anxiety you’ll feel over time. I would suggest having a heart to heart, don’t blame her for anything because that’ll turn into a negative conversation just use “I” language. I need you to ____ because that gives me anxiety. I need your help. This will be received much better. I hope this helps. Best wishes.

[Notknitting]

I would be upfront and tell your Mom that some topics are not up for discussion because you want to stay in a positive mood.

The topics may be interesting to her but you have a right as to whether you join the discussion or not.

This can be said nicely (or firmness) in truth and love. That's my opinion.

[Dolphin14]

I go through this frequently with my brother. He's upset me many times. I've finally begun to set the boundaries with him. It was very hard to do.

We have very different personalities and beliefs. He feels his are superior to mine. I've been successful for two weeks in stopping conversations that I knew were going to get heated. I just told him.. I'm not going here with you... I don't want to talk about this.. lets change the subject.

He's not someone I can tell in advance what bothers me. I have to take steps when they come up.

Best of luck. It does work. It's hard to take the first step but gets easier each time.

[fauxartist]

Just calmly and with care...try and explain to your mom that it's not personal, and has nothing to do with you loving her, but that your going through some stuff, and you have a hard time talking about it, but because you love her, you also need her understanding that certain topics are causing you emotional issues you having a hard time dealing with, and that you just need to not talk about certain things you feel you need to process. And that this would help you the most with working through certain things.

I also hope for your sake your getting professional help…as often family and friends mean well in wanting to help, but they are not really the ones you should talk to about how to manage your mental health issues.