I feel weak and of less energy. Everyone blames me for anything and everything. I jumped out of a relationship that harmed me. Which was extremely toxic. The other would do shit and give me lame reasons everytime and finally solves it by bringing up his parents and family into th scene. And i have been a very vulnerable person. I believe in how an effective communication could solve anythig in a relationship , but my boyfriend, never believed in it. He had no time to contact me . That destroyed me. I became numb of every other emotion. He didnt give me what i wanted and hence i started hating everyone who gave me more than i asked for. I didnt like anyone being very close to me. I started being the bitch. And now after 6 months, i texted him again after the breakup and we had sex. I didnt want that to happen but it did. And again as usual like everytime he solved it through sex and i let that happen. He still seems arrogant about my feelings .
When i left him, he created an entire psychic scenario. Sending me threatening videos and mssgs. But then later on, he stopped it , but i wanted him. No matter what i keep justifying his part and blaming myself for the breakup. And now, since we got together, he is busy with his thing going, not interested in talking to me or listening to me. My friends told me not to go back and yet i did, secretly. And now i think i did a huge mistake. I really want to get out of this relationship. It does me no good. I was once this very optimistic person, who chilled around with everyone and now i have changed. I have changed a lot and i miss that me. I dont want this, but i love him and i know it is not healthy.
And now adding to my guilts, i m guilty of getting back together with him keeping it a secret from my friends.
Written by
Mishell11
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4 Replies
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I recently left such a relationship, as a result I lost my house XX and beloved dog but I know for future long-term happiness I had to go although it's tough now I know it will get better,I don't have friends really so if u do your lucky for me lossing this man meant been on my own,apart from immediate family but although at times I'm lonely I know in future I'll be happy and the bad relationship causes stress get out is my advice xx
You should never feel like you are losing yourself in a relationship. A significant other should make you feel good about yourself and lift you up.
Don't beat yourself up for what you may have done including seeing him in secret. Try to move forward. Hopefully you have a support system of people that can help you.
I know how difficult that is. But I think the no contact is what works. Maybe what you were and are still in love with is what you want him to be. Yet in reality, that person is not there. That is what the loss truly is and from what you have said you seem to know that.
Spend some time thinking about you. You deserve paying attention to you.
Can you afford therapy? If you find someone who understands this kind of relationship, it can provide the support you need to think more about the situation. Also there is a great deal on line, even groups I think, so research. Plus you have this group of nice, caring people also. ❤️
I would have opted for a therapy, but being from a conservative family and also living with my family, makes things difficult. As of now, i am happy with this group. This group is my go to place now to share my issues . I am glad that i found this. ♥️
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