Normally I'm an optimistic person, even though I suffer from ptsd, however, lately I have been feeling so lost and alone. I just feel like my worth is only based on what I do for others and not because they care about me. I know my two sons care, and that is what keeps me going, but my husband, and my sister that lives with me makes me question my worth to them. I just feel like a tool, if that makes sense, and that my only purpose is measured by what I can do for them. I really need something to change so I stop thinking about suicide, but even when I talk to them about my feelings, they are nonchalant towards me like I don't matter. I have lost my dad and daughter to suicide, and I have depression as well, but again I don't feel like I matter. Again, my sons keep me going, but how long can I keep going? I ask myself that every day. I do try to stay positive, but lately it has been so hard. Anyhow, this is the only place I feel I can speak freely, because here, I dont feel alone. I appreciate all of you who can relate and understand this. THANK YOU!
Alone! : Normally I'm an optimistic... - Anxiety and Depre...
Alone!
I can seriously relate, suicidal thoughts like to twist reality. Getting help from someone is the best next step (posting on here being the first step).
Hey LosFairy, I really relate to how you feel because it is very similar to how I feel. I almost commuted suicide when I was a teen and when I got older my mom almost commuted suicide many times. My father considered the same as well. My purpose for trying and keep pressing forward was mainly because of my younger sister who I love dearly. I would do anything to protect her. I often times feel that my only purpose is being there for her and few times does that list involve anyone else.
However, I later came to realise that suicide wouldn’t change anything. It may seem like the end but it also is he end of your best potential. You may feel like yoy haven’t accomplished much and that your not worth much, but that isn’t true. Every life is affected by another. Even now, your words are reaching out to many on here who feel the same way. That in itself has a purpose. Purpose is when you choose to go after something that you find has value in pursuing. When you start achieving those goals it affects others because it inspires them, because it is the side effects if you pursuing your goal. If your goal is to help people, then that is your purpose. If your goal is God, then that is your purpose. If your goal is bettering yourself, then that is your purpose. And if its all three, then that is your purpose.
My point is, suicide will never be able to fulfill ant purpose. For yourself or others. It is the same as doing nothing. So, instead of choosing to do nothing, I encourage you to never let go. If your willing to risk your life to suicide, then don’t you think it will be more productive to try to risk your life to live? You May not get the answers you want or need right away. But I promise you, they do come and you will be grateful for the little moments because you chose to stay. Don’t let your past or present circumstances dictate your future; instead, let it contribute to who you become.
You will be able to make it through this, and the days you feel like giving up. Do what you did now, take the bold step to find ways to keep moving forward.
Beautifully said, Rudolph26.
I hear you and I understand what you are saying. I only have an issue with the part to live to live. When I do, the people in my circle don't like it and call me selfish because they are meant to be the center of my world and I am here to serve them apparently. I broke down crying tonight and got a half assed hug from my sister and my husband was too busy being distant from me because I didn't get his dinner for him and he had to do it himself, to even notice the tears in my eyes. I don't crave their attention mind you, I just crave their understanding that I'm a person,not a tool. How do you get that through to narcissists when you try and try, then realize the only people that ever understood you, my father, grandmother, and most iimportantly. My daughter, are on the other side waiting for me? My sons keep me alive right now. They lost their sister to suicide, I will not let them lose their mom to it too, but honestly, it is an inner battle and I'm feeling tired.
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