How can i stop feeling guilty for not being there when a friend was in need?

[Shanm2]

So a few days ago, i was with a family member - who i hadn't seen in a while. however whilst in their company, i received a messaged from one of my friends, asking if i wanted to join them as there were having a mental breakdown. AND i didn't reply to the message until after my family member left - One because i didn't know what to say and Two because i couldn't meet them. - I replied apologizing and reminding them that if they wanted to talk, i am here.

I felt really bad, and still feeling really guilty for not being there. The friend did say it was okay that i didn't reply and i keep checking up on them - although they don;t seem to be talkative (totally understandable) but it fuels the guilt.

I'm left feeling really bad that i didn't meet her when she was in need.

I'm aware that i might be too hard on myself also...

[brokenlight]

❤️

[zperry4]

Hey, hope you're well. I think you should be happy with yourself because you've been thoughtful and considerate on three levels, one caring enough to be concerned, two not knowing how to handle the dilemma, and three having guilt that they weren't able to be helped. Definitely don't discount those things, even if you weren't able to do exactly what you wanted.

I think that you did the right thing. There's some circumstances where I'd leave the person I'm with, even family, if someone was really in an acute crisis. If that was the case, then I would have made some effort to go, but I'm not sure in your case. Even still, you can't live a life where you're constantly moving heaven and earth to be available to people, since that will only wear you out and make you emotionally unavailable. I think you made the right call, it could have been different, but I think that if you've been honest and expressed your remorse, that's all you can really do. Even if she is mad or hurt, which is beyond the pale, you have to rely on her to be open and honest about that if she wants. I think you're in a good place here, maybe do some superhero shit and fly off to be with people every once in a while, and obviously if they're in acute danger, but you can't be constantly on call. Best of luck and feel better.

[zperry4 in reply to zperry4]

isn't beyond

[Shanm2 in reply to zperry4]

Thank you for your reply! Superhuman powers would be much appreciated! Thankfully she had other friends that could be with her during that time, and seems to be doing okay for now

[zperry4 in reply to Shanm2]

Good to hear it. Yeah lol I constantly wish I had them too. Hope she and you stay well.

[Shanm2 in reply to zperry4]

Thank you I hope your doing okay!

[catsasleep]

it is great that your friend trusted you enough to reach out to you for help, but as helpers we have to be physically and geographically in a place to be able to help, and we also need to mentally be in a position to help, which obviously you were not until a bit later when you did respond. If you had been mentally in a place to help you would have dealt with it straight away. You are using the family member as a manifestation of the guilt that you weren’t ready to respond quickly, but too many people run to support others before they are ready themselves which can cause more problems to both people in the longer term

[Shanm2 in reply to catsasleep]

So true with what you've wrote here. Thank you for your reply!