Overwhelmed ***TRIGGER WARNING*** - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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Overwhelmed ***TRIGGER WARNING***

MCat22
MCat22

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I'm just overwhelmed. I have two young children and a husband with terminal cancer. Due to the coronavirus, I now work at home. Yet, somehow I am also supposed to homeschool both kids-including getting them onboard every Zoom meeting, prepare every meal, and get all the other chores done while trying to deal with my kids needing my attention more then ever since I am now their main source of attention. Their dad does not interact with them much anymore. Every day I wish I had never had kids. It is just too hard for me without any help and with their constant demands for attention. I sometimes fantasize about killing them and then myself. I just desperately need a change. But I don't know what I can do. All I really want to do is sleep. Yet, I stay up too late just to get some time alone. Then, I'm exhausted the next day. It's a vicious cycle. But I just can't get motivated to do anything else or to change anything. I would not even know what to do if I were motivated. I'm starting to get more reskless with regard to getting exposed to the coronavirus. Sometimes I think it would be better just to get sick and maybe even die. I have some friends and family but I don't feel like I can tell them how I really feel. Just wanting some relief.

14 Replies
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It would seem that you are going through an awful lot by yourself and your are deeply unhappy with your present life

You feel lonely and alienated with no one for support

You are tired mentally and you do not see a way out

Hence why you feel so bad

I can only listen and ask you to see find there is any organisation that can help you

I donate to Marie Curie and May be they can provide you with the support to need

I also donate to MacMillian and I wonder also if they can give you support

MCat22
MCat22 in reply to Roukaya

You have summed it up pretty accurately. I haven't heard of the organizations you mentioned. I have not found an organization that can help. Probably because I think the problem is with my brain. Who is going to be able to fix that? And, the problem is with my life and all I have to do. How can that be fixed? It seems I just have to wait it out-- wait till my kids are grown and I can retire.

Don't give up!!!! My husband died of Pancreatic Cancer, and think I have some idea of the stress you might be experiencing but my three kids were older.

Everything is on your shoulders to carry but you are not alone even if you think you are. I would like to offer you my support.

I had many people offer me their strength when I felt weak, and falling apart.

Try to take mini breaks, and give yourself some time. You can do this! This is a very difficult season of your life, it's temporary but might be the hardest thing you've ever had do but you can get through this!

I may not know you but I believe in you!

Hugs ❤️

MCat22
MCat22 in reply to Freedom57

Thank you. I have tears in my eyes because I feel you understand what I am going through. So sorry about your husband. I just don't feel like I have support right now. There are some people who would like to have helped but can't now with coronavirus. I'm trapped in my house with my miserable circumstances. I have to carry on for my kids but I just don't want to. I feel like I'm not doing anything right my them with all our problems, so why should I even bother.

Roukaya
Roukaya in reply to MCat22

It would seem you have found a friend who truly understands your pain and agony

Freedom57
Freedom57 in reply to MCat22

This is going to sound so weird to you but I wish I could go back in time, and take care of my kids, and dying husband. I had a focus, and purpose then.

You are wanted, and needed, and very important to your loved ones.

The responsibilities you have take a lot of energy. So it's very important to eat well, and get good sleep. You are under so much stress, and are at risk for becoming ill (which I did 2 years after my husband passed)

I understand you feeling like you aren't doing anything right. I can remember telling my husband that.

Why said, why should you bother...because the quality of your life matters now, and in your future.

Hang in there, you can do this! Love, love, and love❤️

MCat22
MCat22 in reply to Freedom57

Thank you for your encouraging words. I really appreciate them. I will attempt to stay in the moment.

Hi MCat22. It is so heartbreaking to hear about your situation. You have an amazingly heavy burden on your shoulders right now! Firstly, take a deep breath and be gracious to yourself - you are doing an extraordinary job taking care of your kids, homeschooling and taking care of your ill husband. It is a physical and mental strain of huge proportions and no wonder you feel tired. Allow yourself mini breaks during the day - even if it means spending a little longer in the shower, keeping kids busy with concentrated activities or wholesome kid-friendly TV shows, or going out for short walks. Exercising and getting fresh air will also help in falling asleep when you do hit the sack. I understand you want to stay up longer as that is probably the only time you have to yourself. Is it possible to set a time limit? because without that it's really very hard to stop and get to bed..

Also, would the school not understand under the given circumstances so that they give your kids some allowances about school work? They are young and whether they miss a few weeks of school work will not really matter that much in the long run. Corona Virus has been a huge change for everyone, and with your family situation it is an even bigger change for you and the kids. So, I think it would be really good to allow yourself a break mentally.

I am glad some here on this forum have offered their mental support to you. I am also here to hear you out. You are not alone.

Is there any friends you can go out with, even for walks or so just to get out of your daily routine? It helps to talk about other, completely unrelated topics. And no Corona talk either...

As far as motivation is concerned, I am sure that what you are going through will help someone else. Perhaps, writing down your thoughts and emotions will help out.

Sending you a big hug and let you know you are not alone. And that you are loved.

MCat22
MCat22 in reply to EuroJoy

Hi EuroJoy,

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it. I'm hearing the same advice from many that I need to take time for myself. I will try to carve out time for myself. I know that will help. I'm taking a little break right now! I know I worry too much about the future. I'm going to try and stay present in the moment.

EuroJoy
EuroJoy in reply to MCat22

I am glad to hear that! There is a quote that I always try and remember that a very wise lady called Corrie Ten Boom once said "worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorry , it empties today of its strength." Enjoy little moments to be thankful for - your kids' smiles, that you can still touch your husband, the beauty of nature outside - whatever you find helpful and can be thankful for. Look for the little mercies...Thinking of you and praying for strength for you to get through this day.

MCat22,

I am truly sorry for your pain and suffering. I wish i knew you, i would help you. I wish there was something i could do for you. It must be very hard to juggle all these things at once. I am not sure if you believe in God, but know you are not alone. That got me through some hard times and it is said that we are never alone, he is always beside us. I dont know what advice i can give you accept, you need to take care of yourself first. Maybe even if it is 15 minute increments, do something you enjoy. Listening to music, taking a bath, calling someone who can support you and comfort you.

Your children and your husband need you....we all are here to support you. God Bless

Notsureabtlife

Thank you. It means a lot to me to have good people out there who wish me well.

Hi you need to reach out to a therapist and have people help you. Take time for yourself. Thoughts of harming your kids can be dangerous. Reach out and get help ASAP. The mind can only take so much stress so please ask for help. Take care. Life is not easy but it’s those who help us alone the way that make it easier. You can do tele visits now with therapist. I do understand what your going through I had to take care of my fiancé and son also work. It’s was very hard but family, friends and doctors help. Don’t be worried to ask for help . Everyone goes through stuff but we can only handle so much. So today get on the phone tell a friend and make a appointment with a therapist. See if family or friend can shop for you . Call to get a caretaker for your husband . Sometimes state will pay for caretaker call your local department of health and human services. Give yourself down time . These feelings won’t go away must get help starting today.

I hope this finds you in a better place today. I have had many of the thoughts you described in you post. I had horrible postpartum at the time, my mom went through a break down, we had moved and I had no friends, my husband worked 60 hours a week, and I had my first child. I was completely lost and had no desire to live. You have so much going on right now working, schooling and grieving your husband as he suffers with cancer. This is insanely difficult...but there are way you can take some of the burden off your self. Be honest with your family. Maybe they can take the kids for a couple weeks. Talk to a counselor this is vital! Do you have a church family? I know my faith was the only thing that stopped me from hurting myself. I knew God was with me and sometime I couldn’t feel Him but I held on to the belief that He would get me through. He did. I battled depression and suicidal ideation for 25 years, never did I think it would get better. It did. All Glory to God. Give yourself some grace. You can not do this alone, trust someone to help you. I am praying for you and will continue. Thank you for reaching out. -Rachel. If you need help finding a counselor try thehopeline.com they have great resources.

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