I’m not enough but I still stay

[Lex512]

I have been in this relationship for a year and a half and I haven’t been the easiest he tells me I’m stupid that I don’t have a brain but I stay because I love him he’s told me no one is gonna deal with as much as he has with me so I stay I love him and he says he loves me almost two weeks ago I cracked and I tried to kill myself took handfuls of my antidepressant and because I didn’t eat my body threw them up and well I’m still here I can’t eat I can’t sleep I feel like I’m not enough I feel like I’m in a house that burning down and I have no way out I just want all the pain to stop I just want everything to stop for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to die I just don’t want to be here anymore. I’ve had enough things happen to me in my life and I still smile I still look myself in the mirror and tell myself I’m fine but I’m not I don’t want to do this anymore I don’t want to breathe anymore I don’t want to feel anymore I just don’t want this chance why couldn’t my attempt work I wanted it to work so bad .

[Hidden]

Hey, it'll be alright. Firstly, you may love him, but does being around him make you feel bad? If so, that's not a good idea. It's abusive to you. If you have any friends or family you could maybe talk to or stay with I think that would be a good idea. Also, it is absolutely not true that no one else would put up with your flaws. We all have some, and the job of a romantic partner is to make us feel like they don't matter, not use it as leverage to get the other to stay. I 100% understand the feeling of wanting to die, I've felt it before and it was absolute hell getting through that. However, in the end I'm glad I'm still here today and I have plans for a future.

I'm positive you're a wonderful person and that the things he tells you are wrong. You do NOT need him, if anything he needs you and is too selfish either to see that you need him to be there for you or to actually be there. The second one I find disgusting and cowardly. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! I believe in you and that you in fact have a future. Don't feed into his lies because you are a beautiful human being and literal thousands of people would love you for you because in the end, if we are with the right person, they should at least try to convince us that they love us. I at least love and care about you. So if nothing else, fight for yourself so you can prove that you're better than you may think you are! You are strong despite whatever you may think and I believe in you. Don't give up on life yet! 😊

[enigmaticide]

The relationship you are in is, and trust that I am not mincing words, EXTREMELY TOXIC. Please, for yourself, for all your family that loves you, your friends that love you, for everyone in the future that is destined to love you, you MUST end this relationship and remove yourself from that situation. You deserve so much better.

[Hidden]

When I read above it seems your Partner is trying to wreck your confidence, telling you no-one else would want to know you because you are thick. This is wrong it is this boy who is trying to manage your feelings and expectations. If this keeps going on it will hurt your outlook and expectations you have in life where you will be stuck in a place where you loose confidence and self worth. This is a well known way to introduce His control over you. Sorry Lex, you need to move on and find someone who is not as controlling.

There are people out there who will help you gain confidence in your future relationships.

Give him the b*** Rush and get away from this toxic person, you deserve more than this. You will find someone who will give you love and a doorway to a happy positive life in a wonderful positive Partnership.

You deserve that, this person is a control freak. It is him that needs to change and I suppose He lacks the brain to do that

BOB

[Lex512 in reply to Hidden]

Sorry that I am just now reading your response and I wish I had the courage to walk away but everytime I think about leaving I think about all the good times and all the good things that are in him and I know he could be better and I know I could be better I just don’t know how to move forward

[fauxartist]

Your being gaslighted and he's keeping you knocked down because that way he keeps you under his control...not good. Get help...anyone who says the things he says to you is not showing love...it's abusive. And you may just be in love with the idea of being in love. How could you love someone who does what he does to you...I would strongly suggest you get professional help, and get out of that house and find a safe place to be. Love is accepting someone for who they are and unconditionally loving them, warts and all. This guy is abusive and controlling and does not love you....actions speak louder than worlds.

[EHR02]

When you said you can’t eat or sleep and never feel like your enough because you’re in a house that is burning down and just want the pain to stop I felt that hard. I have never been able to shakes those exact feelings. I still continue to be haunted by them. I as well am in a toxic relationship and I know things will never change but if I lose them I feel like I will officially have no one. So I understand how hard it is. Just know you are not the only one who feels that way and despite what everyone keeps telling you it feels too hard to leave. You are not alone in feeling this way.

[JkBrauer]

I am so sorry that your relationship is so toxic. This is pretty serious what you are going through. - I could give you all kinds of advice and encouragement, however, I am very concerned about your well being right now and you need to call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or website suicidepreventionlifeline.org>talktosomeone-now

I am praying for you!

[Girl4444]

When I was in my late 20's, early 30's, I lived with a guy that I just couldn't leave. Everytime I tried, I would get physically ill. I kept thinking that he would be different with someone else and all these other sick thoughts that were not true. At that time, there were some awesome books and groups to be a part of. I got on Prozac for about 6 months (after 10 yrs of living with him) and eventually, I was able to leave and never looked back. Once you leave -- it's a whole new clarity and life. I was even more stuck than you. So, I say this with confidence. Do whatever you can, get the support from strangers - but leave him. No joke, to this day - 30 yrs later - my only regret in life is not leaving him earlier. I wasted my prime years.

[Girl4444]

One of the books was by Dr. Susan Forward, "Men Who Hate Women, and the Women Who Love Them. The other was "How To Break Your Addiction To A Person" by Howard M. Halpern. Hope this helps.