Does anyone feel the same?

I feel like I’m in constant battle with myself. Sometimes it can be difficult, but I try my best to reach out to others. I ask if they are doing okay and if they need any help. I listen to other people’s problems and sometimes talk to people for hours at a time, problem solving and going thru their issues. I make meals for people, clean there homes, grocery shop for them and volunteer for events. Sometimes I take care of other people’s kids and I’m there to listen at any time. I don’t ask for anything, maybe for some connection? It can be a bit overwhelming but at the same time it can be fulfilling. An accomplishment that makes me feel happy. When my negative emotions and feelings get in the way, I start to withdraw from being social and isolate myself. Sometimes I feel like I get negative because I need to recharge. So I do things for myself for a bit. Then I start asking myself if anyone is going to wonder where I am. No one calls, no one texts, no one checks up on me and definitely no one asks if I need anything. I start wondering if anyone really cares about me. I feel isolated and lonely. I feel used and wonder if I truly have any friends or connections. I feel forgotten. Am I doing something wrong? My negative side says that something is wrong with me as to why people don’t reach out. Something must be weird and odd about me and people don’t like that. That I need to change something about myself and people would want to connect or be my friend. Then I feel like it’s selfish for me to feel like I need something from others and I should continue helping others. That if I’m truly a genuine kind, selfless person, then I shouldn’t expect anything back, otherwise I’m fake. So I go back to my old ways, and help as much as I can, but sometimes I get sad. It’s a never ending cycle.

[Survivingtheworld__]

There is nothing wrong with u. You’ll be blessed for all u do for people but I also think u should be sure u are doing things for people who deserve u. U have qualities of a genuine human being and in the world we live in people will take advantage of that. All the selflessness u have for everyone else have that for urself. Turn that love to help inwards. Have a great day.

[Hidden in reply to Survivingtheworld__]

Thank you! It’s nice to not feel so transparent and be understood. I feel like everyone is deserving, but I will try my best to not let others take advantage.

[Findingmywaybackhome]

Hey I read your post and I just want to say that it’s so normal to want connection with others and if it’s just a one way street with you reaching out then first things first, get your mental health in a good place. Then venture out and find new friends. Trust me I know it’s hard but if your in a good mind state and just shining, people will be attracted to that no matter what 😁 good luck you are not alone!

[Hidden in reply to Findingmywaybackhome]

It can be difficult to connect because giving/helping is my way of showing that I care and love others and somehow hope that people will reciprocate. Living in a new state has forced me to start all over, but I’m starting to see that I’m experiencing the same issues. I’m just going to have to get my mental health in a better place and hope for the best. Thank you for replying and offering words of encouragement.

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

Now that's just sad. 😞 There is NOTHING wrong with you. Everyone wants and needs connection. To feel loved and appreciated by people. What can I say? People are selfish. Everyone is out for themselves. Me, me, me. As "Survivingthe world" said-make sure you are doing things for people who DESERVE it.

[Hidden in reply to Downandout123]

It is sad. I’ve come to realize that it’s just the ways things are. I think its just my personality and for some reason or another I became aware of what was happening. Suddenly I questioned why and that things didn’t feel right. Why do I feel empty . As if someone opened my eyes. Then I realized that everyone got so used to me helping that it was almost like a punishment if I stopped. I have to either continue with what I am doing and suffer, or learn to find love within myself, take care of myself and be okay with feeling lonely at times. To accept myself and to stop listen to the negative voices. Finding myself and healing is hard. Thank you for replying!

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

Obviously, I don't know you. But I'm not sure it's YOU or something about you that is turning people away. Why do they keep accepting favors from you then? But I do feel that if you are feeling unappreciated, then you should STOP. Yes-loneliness sucks, but at least it's better than doing for people and not being appreciated. That can feel even MORE lonely. Do you know what I mean?

[Hidden in reply to Downandout123]

I understand what you mean. Maybe favors are accepted from me because I’m willing to do them and don’t complain. It’s not a good habit to get into.

[Dave_H]

For what it's worth, and this is just my opinion, but America is the worst society in the civilized world to have a mental illness. Everyone is just expected to pull themselves by their own bootstraps and get going on their own. I did volunteer work for an organization called Loaves & Fishes which prepares and serves free meals for anyone who wants one. I did it for 12 years, twice a month. That's 1200 hours of community service. I don't know what triggered it but I lost the good feeling you're supposed to have when giving of yourself, and so I've stopped doing it. You are giving of yourself which is a wonderful thing, but if all we do is give and not receive, we burnout. I would ask you how big your support network is. That is people who are aware of your condition and are willing and able to talk with you or go do something with without any expectation on their part. I am emailing past friends, aquintences, and family, telling them how bad my depression really is, and asking if they can be any kind of resource. It's scary, because as you know, rejection is painful, but you probably won't get help if you don't ask. It's obvious you have a big heart, but maybe you need to cut down a little on all the selfless work you are doing and concentrate on finding ways to 'recharge'.