Stress and medication : I hate feeling... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Stress and medication

LadyZen
LadyZen

I hate feeling stressed. I've been off my Buproprion for a couple of years, but I just want to go back on it because life felt so much easier. But do I really need it? I'm functioning. I just hate feeling stressed.

I was on Bupropion for a couple of years for 3 distinct periods in my life, when I went through therapy in my late 20's, when I had to return to work after having a baby in my early 30's, and when I went through my divorce in my 40's. What is my reason now? I'm worried about the mistake I made at work. I won't find out the outcome until Monday.

I hate making mistakes. I want things to be perfect so I have nothing to worry about. But I hate being on anti-depressants because it has to be reported for life insurance purposes. I'm going to get up and start my day. I just want to stay in bed forever but it's house cleaning day.

15 Replies
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I’m 52 and the older I get the less I want to be on any meds, I feel I don’t metabolize meds as well I did, I’m hormonally different with menopause. It seems side effects are more bothersome.. this is with sleep meds too.

So maybe think about. If your physically the same or better as you were when taking it before, would the same med work as well. The next thing is, coming off it might be harder.

You’ll have to make a judgement call, of course you have to weigh the benefits against side effects and possibly meds causing health issues like some antidepressants can cause.

LadyZen
LadyZen in reply to RoxieDawn

You're right, those were all the reasons why I weaned off in the first place. The doctor didn't mind me being on the medicine if I needed it, if I had a chemical imbalance or something of that sort. But since my issue was situational, he wanted me to deal with my underlying issues with the therapist and work towards getting off the meds.

I think every doctor is different though. I had one doctor who didn't want to manage my medicine and sent me to a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist made me feel like I'd need the meds for the rest of my life. I didn't like that approach either. Although my therapist seems to think there may be some anxiety issues that run in my family.

Thanks for the advice.

Roxie has made some very wise observations. I’m even older and am in the process of getting off meds for the very reasons she lists. When I read your post it reminded me of just how I felt right before I retired. You seem to have accurately identified the stressor, the need to not make mistakes. People are not perfect. I know I will make mistakes. I dread the possible response to my mistakes just as you are dreading what Monday will bring. I have learned that quieting my mind for short periods of time is helpful. I have to be very intentional about it cause I can really spin that hamster wheel. I have the time, self control or self discipline are a little harder to come by sometimes. Let me know how you are doing. Hope you can enjoy your weekend and let Monday wait til Monday.

LadyZen
LadyZen in reply to 4woody

Yesterday was cleaning day so I was pretty busy from 8:30am to 10:30pm. I fell asleep in mid-typing this response. Perfectionism must be a form of OCD or something. But it must be a problem if it becomes excessive. I remember all of my therapists bringing it up at one point or another.

When I was only 4 years old, my dad unbuttoned the top button of dress because it was a hot day and I was sweating while we were shopping. I remember being annoyed because I thought the dressed looked ugly that way and buttoned it back up. It stemmed from me wanting my dress look perfect, but I was too young to feel any anxiety.

Now that cleaning day is over maybe I can do something relaxing.

4woody
4woody in reply to LadyZen

What kinds of things did you find relaxing? The weather have been warmer recently and I enjoy getting outside. I have a small flower so I did some weeding the other day. I just have to be careful to not overdo physically. I also enjoy walking with my dad.

LadyZen
LadyZen in reply to 4woody

I'm working on a novel, so I'm trying to do a little bit of that now. It's hard to concentrate though.

4woody
4woody in reply to LadyZen

Wow. That’s a big undertaking. I was talking about my own difficulty with focus with someone recently. I had a picture come to mind of my thoughts running around on a hamster wheel spinning out of control. That gave me the idea of picturing my thoughts making the wheel stop and then holding it still. Doesn’t sound like it would work for writing, but it helped me calm down and focus.

May your efforts prove fruitful.

I have been using Bupropion since 1992, when I finally realized I had to cut my father out of my life. I had a high functioning major depression disorder. I did excellent work in my business, but could not otherwise function. It got to the point I felt acute anxiety (for me) when meeting people, even friends. Since my business entailed frequent and intense one-on-one, I had to get help. Also, bridges were looking like good jumping spots. Bupropion helped ease all that significantly. I am on 450 mg daily now. In the summer of 2018, things crashed again, and Abilify was added. I don't relate to the person I was before! All the underlying sadness is gone.

It was recommended I go into therapy for Cognitive Behavorial Therapy (CBT) which I did, and learned ways to deal with any residual anxiety and depression problems. I did that weekly for three months. It helped a lot.

It a can be a heavy burden to want to be perfect. We all strive to be perfect. But we all fail sometimes. If you honestly tried your best, at the time, to do a good job, then you have nothing to be ashamed of. Which I am certain is the case. That said, sometimes doing our best isn't good enough. This is when we have to forgive ourselves, learn from the experience, do what we can do to mitigate the damage, and move on. Forgiving ourselves and moving on are the hardest parts. Perhaps before going into work tomorrow, figuring out strategies to ease the damage will ease your anxiety. And it can take your mind off the error, and put you in a better mood.

If you have a reputation for doing a good job, then there should not be too much of a problem.

I pray you are wrong about the magnitude of the error, or, even that is an error.

Please let me know how all turns out. I'm rooting for you.

LadyZen
LadyZen in reply to NCAQuilter

Thank you for the thoughtful response. This weekend I've been mostly doing anything to distract myself. The worry has crept into my mind sporadically and frequently. Thank God I'm still functioning though. I don't think it can ever be as bad as my divorce, or even the fights I had in my crappy marriage, or my twenties when I was barely surviving my trauma. I think if it ever got that bad, I'd be at the doctor's office begging for the meds back. But it still stinks waking up in the morning with that stupid weight on my chest and spending my weekend distracting myself. Thanks again.

NCAQuilter
NCAQuilter in reply to LadyZen

It's Monday - how are you doing?

LadyZen
LadyZen in reply to NCAQuilter

I'm feeling better than I did over the weekend. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I spent all day retroactively fixing my mistakes. I have to see what happens throughout the week and over time though. I'm not entirely sure what happens behind the scenes.

I'm reminded of that person who accidentally sent out that text message to all of Hawaii to prepare for its nuclear demise. I can't help but wonder if he just accidentally pressed the wrong combination of buttons. My mistake doesn't have such far reaching consequences, thank goodness.

NCAQuilter
NCAQuilter in reply to LadyZen

So relieved to hear you are able to fix some of the problem. I'm certain the powers that be would have contacted you by now if the problem was big. Being a perfectionist is hard work, but, it sounds like your job needs you and you do good work. Keep it up!

LadyZen
LadyZen in reply to NCAQuilter

Thanks for the positive thoughts.

I'm super scared to log onto work. Let's see what's in store.

Ok, logged on. They are letting me retroactively fix things. I don't know what that means, but I hope it's just a warning.

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