Why do I lie so much?: I’m not a bad... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Why do I lie so much?

Lioness4 profile image
Lioness4

I’m not a bad person but I find myself lying to my boss and family about why I cannot be there. I have no motivation or interest in anything. Im ashamed of my depression and feel others would not understand or use it against me. But I’ve fallen into this bad habit of making false excuses instead of coming right out and saying I’m too depressed and anxious to be around people. These lies are making me feel worse. I’ve been trying to get into talk therapy but find it difficult to be present and truthful about how bad I’m feeling. I feel like I’m in this never ending cycle of lies. If I come clean, I’m afraid of loosing my job and my family’s trust. How do I correct this? How do I not continually beat myself up?

It’s hard for me to find the motivation to even bathe. I’m struggling.

15 Replies

I’m sure no one here can ever say they’ve never lied to their boss for one reason or another I know I sure did especially when I was younger and going out a lot until 4am whilst having to be at work for 8 I think I used every excuse under the sun. However you have acknowledged what your doing and that’s the main thing they don’t need to know the truth for past lies but maybe moving forward you could open up and be more honest maybe find a way to sit down with your boss and discuss your issues as you might be surprised at how supportive people can be

Lioness4 profile image
Lioness4 in reply to Lanadc88

The idea of speaking with my boss about my situation is scary. I’ve been honest and open with previous bosses who have used my depression/anxiety against me. Making statements such as ‘have been taking your medication?’ It is hard to be vulnerable.

Lanadc88 profile image
Lanadc88 in reply to Lioness4

It sure is hun but bring that up first say something along the lines of “ I asked to talk to you because despite the medication I am taking, I am currently struggling with my anxiety and depression. I am working hard with my doctor to overcome this situation however it is still affecting my life and I’m trying awfully hard not to let it affect my work. I thought by discussing this with you, would ensure you better understand if I need some time off for my mental health or sometimes require a bit of quiet time at work to gather my thoughts” you will be surprised how being open and honest can open up better communication and understanding in your work place.

Are we sure going to the boss about the lying and disease is a good idea just yet? Would it be better to get some direction from the therapist first? I agree that the lying should stop, but being sick is one thing. Confessing to having a mental illness and lying is another.

How long have you been at the job? How is your relationship with your boss? These are questions I have before suggesting you "come clean."

Does that make any sense to anyone? I'm not advocating continuing lying, just some prudence and careful sense of timing.

I’m not saying to come clean about the lying I’m saying to discuss her issues in order to get some work place support as the op said she was trying to get into therapy I didn’t mention that as it’s something she is already doing... we all have our ways

Of doing things and I’m not saying mine is right I’m just merely stating my opinion that is all 🙂

I have only been at this job since last September. I’m not very comfortable with my boss due to some odd behavior that sent up red flags. I know I need to stop with the lying...to myself and others.

Yes I would stop with the lying. But I would talk to my professional people about how to have the mental illness talk at all. I'm a recovering alcoholic and there were many jobs I had where I did not disclose that medical information they same way I didn't disclose my thyroid condition.

If I was sick from any medical ailment and needed a doctors note I got one. But even then the doctor could not disclose my diagnosis without my permission. Prudence and confidentially is not lying.

Saying my grandmother died and I can't come to work because I'm having a depression episode is a lie. But saying I'm not feeling well is not a lie.

If you have a good relationship with him and feel secure in your job and have talked to your people, and think it would be best then by all means.

It sounds like you have a lot of work in other areas of lying that you could focus on at the moment.

And please, I have no clue what you should do. I'm just giving you my feedback for what it's worth. And it's not worth much.

Gather a bunch of other opinions befit our make a decision. And use your rubberband.

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Hidden in reply to Lioness4

Lioness,

I think it's how close you're with your boss? It a tough place to be. I never told anyone either bc these illnesses are a stigma (she's crazy). I think you're right, ppl may treat you different or blame your work! You said, "It did happen already."

I left my job bc of this. I lived in silence for six years and was crippled by my diagnosis's! Not everyone has this option! I have a supportive spouse paying my bills😫. I was stressed all the time, depressed, and unmotivated.

I am older, so I could quit. I needed to take care of me. How can I perform my job with this? I'm not doing the employer any service and it's unfair to them. They still don't know. I want it that way. I have counseling sessions and medications, so I can vent on her and my spouse, and family! It's all I need

Hang in there. Breathe and let me know what's going on

HA57

I don’t feel this is a productive comment for someone who is coming to the forum to get advice it’s like saying to people stop been depressed, stop having anxiety, stop being in pain, it’s not as simple as just saying stop. Sorry but I just had to comment as I feel this is unfair on the op

Yes I’m that sense you are right but the op it may not be as simple as “just stop lying” that’s all I meant 🙃

It starts with awareness. Awareness of how much you lie. Start by catching yourself everytime you do so. A lot of lying is sneaky and unconcious, we do it automathically.

Put a tight rubber band around your wrist and everytime you notice yourself making a lie, snap it . This way your mind will start making the connections. Awareness is they key to healing an addiction.....lying and making excuses is an addiction.

There are people out there who can make incredible difference to your life. I am not talking about psychiatry doctor but about people such as life coaches and psychotherapists (not the ones with access to antidepressants). You need to talk...and talk a lot. There is a lot of hidden bagge burried deep in you and all the lies are a cover up not to have to suffer consequences of it coming out. Find a person you can trust and can open up to fully. Your recovery will likely include many relapses and many more lies and excuses but that is a part of healing process. The more you delaye it, the greater the gap between you and everybody else until you get to the level of creating an island around yourself where nobody will trust you and your word will mean nothing to people.

Lioness4 profile image
Lioness4 in reply to Michalbaner

You are absolutely right about it being an addiction. And it is insidious and pervasive. I am hiding and covering up a lot baggage that seems to overwhelming to deal with. Just like any other addict would. I will try the rubber band idea. I need to start somewhere.

I have been playing phone tag with a potential psychotherapist. I will continue to find someone who can work with me.

Michalbaner profile image
Michalbaner in reply to Lioness4

It is ok, we all cary stuff we are not proud of or trauma that we experienced when we were young. But it is often possible to conquer all this, to "burn the demons" and liberate ourselves from the sins of our past. Most of all, like you said....start somewhere...baby steps. First of all it is about seeing how you lie to yourself. Once that is acknowledged, deeper healing can start to happen.

Good luck with your councelling. Find someone you resonate with. I've had great benefits working with Life Coach.

Lioness4 profile image
Lioness4 in reply to Michalbaner

Thank you. Finally got up and took a shower. Feeling less sorry for myself just by bathing. And I have an appointment with a therapist although it’s a month away. I’ve got remember small actions/steps mean a great deal. At least to me.

I understand sometimes we lie to ourselfs just get thru the day

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