I’m not a bad person but I find myself lying to my boss and family about why I cannot be there. I have no motivation or interest in anything. Im ashamed of my depression and feel others would not understand or use it against me. But I’ve fallen into this bad habit of making false excuses instead of coming right out and saying I’m too depressed and anxious to be around people. These lies are making me feel worse. I’ve been trying to get into talk therapy but find it difficult to be present and truthful about how bad I’m feeling. I feel like I’m in this never ending cycle of lies. If I come clean, I’m afraid of loosing my job and my family’s trust. How do I correct this? How do I not continually beat myself up?
It’s hard for me to find the motivation to even bathe. I’m struggling.