High and Lows

[ColdestFlame]

I’ve been struggling with my feelings all my life I go from feeling invincible, laughing, and the life of a party to crying in my bed, gripping my heart due to pain, and thoughts of killing myself. I have friends but live mostly in solidarity, put up a mask of smiles to all that have know me but share none of my feelings due to fear of rejection of future and past friends/family.

I wake up everyday hating my life only to go to bed with ambitions and ideas which dissolve in my sleep or write them down only for them to rot away.

I don’t know why I’m making this maybe I’ve reach my breaking point or maybe I know I’ll always feel useless and others in my life have been carrying my faults for so long.

Sorry this was long I hope anyone reading doesn’t also feel like this.

[LadyZen]

Some times our friends and family aren't equipped or trained to guide us through our thoughts in a productive way. Some times the things they say can be more hurtful than helpful. That's when a therapist can be helpful to have.

[Fireking1]

I have spent years perfecting my art of making everyone believe I'm ok!I now have mental exhaustion from the pretence,I now have to seek help as I cant do it alone.I feel for you.

[ColdestFlame in reply to Fireking1]

Any advice to slowly stop doing it?

[Sprinkle1]

If I were you I wold make the first appointment you can get with a therapist, sounds like you need help sorting out your thoughts. Please try it, and let us know how you fair, talk to us, we will try to be of help. With love & hugs.....Sprinkle 1.....

[ColdestFlame in reply to Sprinkle1]

I would but in my current state (Money and job) I can not afford or make a meeting work. :/

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to ColdestFlame]

Maybe talk to your GP. He or she may be able to offer you some help.

[ColdestFlame in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

If GP stands for grandparents most are dead or I have little connection with. Sorry to say it so bluntly. :/

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to ColdestFlame]

I meant your General Practitioner or regular medical professional. Not Grand parents. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

[JP26]

Hi you are definitely not alone with this, I completely relate to the feeling of being happy and care free one minute to being in tears in bed the next, and the constant questioning of ‘why’ driving you mad.

I wish I had the answers to help, but you and I aren’t alone with this which hopefully counts for something

[ColdestFlame in reply to JP26]

How do you deal with it? Have you tried any methods to overcome this? I feel like “Comparing Notes” might help.

[JP26 in reply to ColdestFlame]

I’m not sure I do! I just seem to hang in there and ride it out until it slowly gets better day by day, I’ve tried therapy and meds but still struggle to deal with it when it strikes. Sounds like we’re in the same boat desperately searching for answers

[Msheatherlady]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I feel similarly at times, but I've never had thoughts of killing myself. The worst I've gotten is feeling like I'm going to be miserable and feel terrible forever. Please know you are NOT useless. You are IMPORTANT and you MATTER. I'm not sure what treatment you've gotten if any, but it sounds like you could benefit from going to a counselor. I go to one myself and I've found it to be beneficial to talk through when I'm having the negative thoughts!

It will get better and I wish you the best!

[RedBird09]

Sadly to say. I know exactly how you feel and the pain. Also, Sucidal. Why would I want to spend another miserable day feeling this way. I'm so alone. I go back forth also. I can't deal with it anymore.

[ColdestFlame in reply to RedBird09]

The strangest / most confusing thing about when I get thoughts to kill myself are when I wake up I may feel 100% fine. I feel we might all have something still fighting in us and seeing you reply and still alive proves there is something still worth fighting for. Personally I want to overcome these huge dips, I just don’t know what it will take.

[Hidden]

I totally understand you, I feel the same way! That's actually one of the reasons why I joined.

I think here we can find someone who understand us and wont judge.

Always remember that you are a great person and that you should be in this world because you are important.

If you ever need to talk, I'm right here, don't hesitate!

[ColdestFlame in reply to Hidden]

I think I’ll be alright I’m in the middle emotionally, most times after a dip I feel fine for a while. But if you ever are in your dip message me and I’ll try my best to help, I’m very good at listening to others. Also thanks for the support it appreciated.