Play the hand you are dealt-They say

[NoRegret]

On Christmas I did not and could not move forward anymore. My grief, depression, anxiety and fears "took over" I took a bunch of pills and went to bed with the idea I would not be waking up. After 3 days of sleeping I did wake up. I obviously did not take enough medication to achieve my goal. Now I am left with the consequences, back in counseling again, I have a new Psychiatrist and my Son now does medication dispensing 3 days at a time, so I don't have enough meds to carry out any ideas I might get. I am embarrassed, ashamed and just humiliated about my xmas choice. At the moment I felt there was no other choice, now a month later, I just don't know how I could have felt that bad. I did cal the suicide hotline after the fact, they are just amazing, there are so many resources and lots of help out there, if only I had called prior, my life would be different right now. The suicide hotline # is 1 800 275-8255.

[fauxartist]

Listen.... you were sick... emotionally and mentally at that time and it seemed like your only choice because this disease lies to us, and takes over us at times. Forget about the guilt, remorse, and regret because it's not your fault you have this disease, and all of that stinkin thinkin will do nothing but make you feel worse. It's done, and you are dealing with your issues now....you’re back on track to work on doing what you need to do now.

You’re not a bad person because you have it, it's not a choice we make to have this disease...we just do. And we feel bad because of a chemical imbalance in our brain...so some days are worse, some days are better...it's just the up and down cycle. Many of us completely understand the darkness and desperation for some relief when we are in that abyss....just remember...it's going to pass, it may never completely go away, there is no cure....but we can have a life...we can find ways to cope and manage things....and we reach out when we are in that dark place.

[NoRegret in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much!

[hypercat54 in reply to fauxartist]

Great reply faux and you as usual are spot on. Those of us who have done the walk can do the talk. x

[fauxartist in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks Bev...that's for sure, we do need to walk what we talk.... Many have lots of advice for us, but we are all so different and need to find our own path ultimately.

[quitter333]

Please don't do suicides. A co-worker did so, and frankly, he with his suicide did absolutely zero good to the world. Zero. Suicide is absolutely counter-productive.

I always thought - if I ever feel my life is so worthless I might get ideas, it means I am ready to shed any chains that are onto me. What more there is to take from a man, who is ready to give his life away?

And with that you obtain peaceful freedom, much like buddhist monks, who have no calms with material possessions or worries of the world.

Instead of actually doing suicide you should instead be "wow, I am free of my worries, as they have nothing to take from me. I can now spend my life to do good, to do whatever this planet this life needs my help with".

Ya.. like this.

[NoRegret in reply to quitter333]

Thanks so much, I love your post to me, thank you!

[Nemo63]

I am so proud of you for coming forward and sharing your story! That takes real bravery. Shame is an integral part of depression and anxiety. You are on the path to wellness and doing all of the right things now. Stop and give gratitude to your maker for allowing you to be right here, right now for He has other plans for you!! In fact, try practicing gratitude every day. Today you are grateful for a son who can give you your meds, for the medications that can help make you well, for a forum you can come to and say whatever you like. This is a medical condition much like diabetes or any other. The right medication and treatment and you can overcome and live your best life. You are not to blame for being sick. It's physiological. Be kind to yourself.

[NoRegret in reply to Nemo63]

Oh your post to me helped so much, thank you.

[Hidden]

Your life is different right now, for the better. You lived and understand that's not really what you wanted so that's taken off the table and now your son is helping you to be safe. You are a testemant to others that is was so close, yet you didn't want it, looking back. Many don't get to look back. You do. Now look forward.

[kenster1]

hi Christmas can be very emotional more so if we are grieving all the negative things you have said about yourself they can now be replaced with courageous brave honest hope one or two more for sharing this story.glad to see you here and sharing your story it gives others hope that help is available.

[Starrlight]

❤️

[NoRegret]

Checking in on 2/08/2020, I feel a lot different than I did 6 weeks ago. I working toward really finding those things that make me happy and consciously choosing to find more. Keeping my brain quiet is the hardest thing ever. Let the thoughts come in the front door of my brain and as soon as I notice, I'm escorting them out the backdoor in my mind. It truly works to eliminate unproductive, negative thoughts. My psychiatrist added two medicines to my Wellbutrin SR it is abilify and lamictal. I think it is helping to regulate my very overactive brain. My new counselor is pretty awesome too. It helps so much to have a good care team and support group.