I can understand Nour how the people around us cannot truly understand
what we feel and how frightening and difficult it is to manage our lives day
to day. However, the virtual family I'm speaking of are the caring people
on this forum. There is not one of us who hasn't experienced the loneliness,
fear and helplessness of mental illness.
You having joined this support site was the first big step you took forward
in finding help, resources, and understanding. We learn from each other's
personal experiences. Eventually, we may find what works for us as well.
Anxiety/Depression is more than medication and therapy. It's about learning
to go forward with our lives. Never staying stuck. When we do, fear continues
to grow and our life passes us by.
Not many of us are fortunate enough to have friends and family who stand beside
us. After a while, they turn a deaf ear to us and we feel so alone. On this forum,
someone is always here 24/7. People from all around the world feel as you do.
Age, gender makes no difference. We all feel the pain. Trust in yourself by trusting
that you have found an amazing, caring group of men and women who want to help
but your mind at ease. Namaste my friend xx
Hey Nour, it's a New Year and that makes everyone happy, right? Nope, not everyone. Some of use are still dealing with issues from last year, or the one before, etc. If only a new year was a reset for personality disorders. Unfortunately it does not. Anything in particular causing problems, or just everything in general? Geez don't we know how it feels when everything is just wrong and sucks. Do you invest valuable energy (which you probably feel you don't have enough of) to straighten things in your life as you go along cause nothing is falling place as it should? Your time wasted on those who do not deserve it? At this point I have no idea what my role in life is but so far it's not been important at all, all 63 yrs. of it. I've have good and I've experienced bad. Karma has generally leveled itself over the years I must admit. Still, depression lingers. That feeling of something oppressive is hanging over my head, waiting for the most inopportune time to drop. When I am at my weakest. Sorry you feel as you do Nour, but know that we do care about your health, your safety, and especially your mental state. That is one thing we probably know more about and can share experiences about than any therapist. And we do not judge. That is counter-productive. Hell I know the mistakes I've made in my life. I don't need anyone else reminding me or telling me "This is where you went wrong." I know that, now. Take each moment by itself and evaluate your sense of being. Do you hurt physically? Or is it just thoughts you'd rather not have in your head at this time? Are you prescribed meds, and are you on top of that? Or is that the problem? Know yourself. If you feel like it's just too much and you want out of this situation then by all means seek professional help. We want you here, you are our friend. But we can only support you through words and prayers and offer advice based on our experiences, not yours though they may seem similar. Please m'lady, take care. Stay safe and warm.
sorry for replaying late , last days i was not in the mood to do anything . sleeping all the time 14 - 16 hours a day. i know it is impossible.
the good news that i did not suicide , im safe but not warm it is 5 degree in here so im freezing all time.
you asked me if i am on medications , yes i am since one year and a half. sometime i feel good and other broken.
one sentence you wrote touched my feelings, when you said " We want you here, you are our friend" . i felt that there is some one cares about me , which made me feel stronger.
Your bf did you a favor. There’s an opening now for yourself to make your life better. Then a great person can walk into that space.
People can’t let you down unless your expectations are too high. I expect nothing from everyone. Then I get excited when people pull through. I’m so grateful. Everyone is struggling. No one is going to make things better for you. We’re all only human.
Make your life big and fun for you. Whatever you feel like doing. I’m 56. Every spring I go sky diving. I’m so unhealthy I have to have my doctor sign off.
I have clinical depression as well. I carry it with me. I don’t let it stop me most of the time.
right now i feel that im disappointed of all the people around me , i lowered my expectations of them because every one i know is letting me down and down so i give up.
all what i care about now is to forgive everyone and live with full of kindness and people who is hurting and disappointing , i will not care about them i will express my self only.
Hang in there. It can seem at it’s worst before things finally turn around and get better. I have been through this a few times in my life. I’m going through it again right now but I’m having faith that if I hang in there it will turn around.
Often, we can find ourselves on solitary stretches within our journeys. The important thing is that you don't view such stretches as failures so much as opportunities for self-reflection and reconnecting with who you are, and what things matter most to you; strength and growth can be made in such situations. Determine what you love most about yourself and celebrate those qualities. Figure out what you would like to improve about yourself, and devise a plan to make the desired changes. The reality is that everything worthwhile, everything that provides us happiness, requires effort; amusingly enough, this is actually a blessing. Without adversity to overcome, we'd be ignorant of happiness ever existing. I wish you well, though I suspect you'll be just fine.
You should stick around. This feeling won't last forever!
It isn't your life that's faulty, you have a mental illness. So everything appears and 'feels' wrong. If your state of mind was brighter you could push yourself through the place you're in now and make things better.
Just hang on in there. When you are better you will look back and be unable to see what the problem was.
Every time I feel depressed I cannot remember what it feels like to be happy, or simply 'normal'. And when I'm 'ok', it's difficult to remember what it was like to feel depressed and desperate. Lifeless!
Last August I was at the end, well that's how I felt. Very ill thoughts constantly racing through my mind. That, or nothing but feeling drained, dead but still alive...
Now I've changed my meds (in partnership with a professional) and I'm feeling the change, slowly. I did that! I chose to change meds, and even which ones. Luckily I'd been on these same meds before so there was no issue. But meds are just my own way of making some changes, you might have your own methods. Whatever works for you!
You don't have to push yourself, but you need to do something. Seek some free support. Attend a drop-in centre, volunteer or attend a self-help group. There must be one accessible to you? You don't want to be around others, I get that. Neither do I much of the time. But when I think about it, it's the people I already know who I don't want to be around.
Try a group, I doubt you will know anyone there. You may find it quite refreshing, new people tend to grasp my attention, my focus. Taking it off of myself. And new meetings, no matter how brief will help create new thoughts and more importantly, insights!
It might not feel like it at this moment right now but there are things you can do and are able to do. You have online access, great start! Now, why not have a little browse for some groups, events and such that are close to you? There will be something. Local Community Centres are a good place to start! In fact, today I am going to my own local centre and I know there will be something on. I just need to call and ask what's on today.
And even if you put off trying new things out you will know they are there. Having options is crucial right now. Eventually, you will decide to try them out.
You have the ability to do something for yourself. It's up to you to do them. And you will.
Just don't force yourself. There's no need. Do it for YOU.
Please look in the mirror and see how beautiful and strong you are. We are all very strong to live with this. It takes so much strength to get through the dark days, and fight to see the beautiful days. It's so hard when family doesn't understand or see the pain we feel. They love us, but will never understand, and I wish no one would ever have to try and understand this pain. The loneliness is so very hard, and only adds to the depression. I found support groups and met wonderful people who are great friends who understand me and are there for me. I'm so happy you are drawing. I'm an artist as well, but I haven't been able to paint after my loss. Create beauty, and let that beauty take some of your pain. ❤
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xx
Giving up
giving up
Giving up
Giving up 
wanting to give up but not sure how 
