I Don’t Know Who to Talk To

[star767]

I was gonna kill myself a week before the holidays but I ended up crying myself to sleep and thought I would be okay. Now, I just keep freaking out at the fact that I was seriously going to do it and I feel really depressed because I’m scared to tell people in my life that I almost killed myself because I have attempted suicide before and the people close to me told me I was selfish and shamed me for doing it. It was really isolating and the only way I got through it was because the state required me to go to therapy since I was a minor. I feel like I have to tell someone because the thoughts keep eating away at me and I’m in a dark hole and afraid im going to be alone forever but I’m also afraid that an unsupportive response will set me back. I know its not rational to think I’ll be alone forever and ive been trying to soothe myself and remind myself that people out there in the world really do care about me even if the people immediately surrounding me don’t. I just really want to talk to someone.

[greymegan]

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, it’s the absolute worst.

Your family should support you through this time so I’m sorry that they aren’t.

You are right to want to talk to someone though.

If you are still in contact with your therapist, talk to them. If you aren’t, maybe you can get back in touch and create an appointment?

I’d hate for anything to happen to you so seek out help as soon as possible and remember that if you are in a suicidal mindset, there are helplines to call.

[star767]

Thank you for saying this. It feels nice to be validated. Unfortunately, I am not in contact with my therapist. It’s probably best for me to keep the helplines in mind. The closest thing I have to a support group is being a comic. When I go to open mics, other comedians talk about their struggles whether it’s divorce, mental illness, being kicked out, sexual abuse, etc. It reminds me that we’re all in it together and I don’t feel so alone. But I’m home for winter break, so I haven’t been able to go to comedy clubs and I feel like that lull is really getting to me

[Billsfriend]

Please, I need to talk to someone too, even if I just listen. I strongly relate to how you feel too. If you like you can go to the bubble at the top of the page and private chat or just chat here. Whatever works for you!

[lillyofthevalley37]

It's post traumatic stress that you are suffering from and it's a difficult thing to share when attempted suicide is involved it would be different if it was a car crash but the stress and memory is there none the less

Keep reaching out and continue to post on here and I think you should go back to your open mike

Sending you support and sympathy for such a sad experience that many of us have also been through

Also hoping it has put you off suicide forever and like Borderriever suggests you should be more positive and look to the future now

Maybe you could incorporate suicide into your stand up routine it won't be easy but it is worth a try - like the comedian.Dawn French said if it works you laugh if it doesn't work it doesn't get the laughter

[Billsfriend]

You Have taken a great step in coming here and finding support. You are on the right track. And you did cry yourself to sleep which was probably the most productive thing you could have done at that time.

Frequently delaying negative actions gives people the time they need to recover, and move on.

I think your family really does care about you, and responded the best way they knew how. It doesn't mean that what they said wasn't hurtful and harmful, and it certainly is wise to not take that chance again.

I just know that many of us have been really hurt and damaged by people who didn't know any better. Of course you're freaked by serious thoughts of suicide.

The important thing is that you didn't act on your thoughts. It is another sign of the strength you have gained.

I find it helpful to keep a list of my accomplishments on my smart phone, as soon as I start feeling like the whole world is an ugly and mean place, I read my achievements and it reminds me that I can overcome my thoughts, that my thoughts only have the power that I give to them.

Anyway I'm really happy for you that you ended up here, I see some great advice already, and I know you will find much to support you in your way!

Please keep us posted on your trials and your progress!

[Hidden]

Talk to your Doctor or Therapist, write down how you now feel it will help you get more out of your appointments.

It sounds like you have understood most of the implications of just trying to commit Suicide, so now you need to leave these feelings behind and move on through life in a more positive way. Hopefully you will realize the need to be more positive in your life and move on through to a more positive time

BOB

[star767 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I agree with you. I’ve been working hard towards my goals so I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did. I think that it was like an emotional release. I was doing physical things that moved me forward in life but emotions were lagging behind. I looked up some YouTube videos that made me understand that I was experiencing the physiological effects of everything so now I’m doing breathing exercises because I find those can be helpful.