Today has been the official worst day in my entire life suffering with this illness. The overwhelming feeling of dread and sadness it almost to much to bear. I am close to god and I know I couldn’t make it through this without him but that doesn’t take away the pain in my heart and the pressure on my brain.
I am moving out of our home this Sunday night to a friends house as my wife wants to separate.
My head is so confused I can’t think clearly.
Everything seems to be a trigger right now that results in uncontrollable crying, hopelessness and helplessness. If I see my wife it’s a trigger, if I look at my 6 or 4yr old it’s a trigger, if I think of leaving Sunday it’s a trigger on and on and on...
I have a very important job at my company and I have to maintain my composure and right now that seems to be an impossible ask. I left early today at noon to come home and cry and cry and I’m taking tomorrow off so I can have some time to get some belongings together. I have a meeting with my CEO next week and I have to pull it together by then.
I know god wants us to go through times of suffering so he can bring us closer to him for a purpose and so we come out on the other side of this a changed person. So I remain faithful as I couldn’t do this without him.
Posting on this site gives me an outlet as I know we are all suffering in similar ways and unless you have experienced this horrific illness you could never understand it true grasp it can have over your entire physical and mental being.
Thanks for letting me vent as I try to just get through the next couple of hours.
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Boomba76
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hi sorry to hear that hopefully not to far from the kids mind you so you can still visit.use the separation to get yourself back on track look at the bigger picture of life maybe you can work it out.dont feel hopeless be hopeful don't be helpless be helpful to yourself and your family.stay strong.
Thanks for the reply. I have intervals of feeling ok then snap back into hopelessness. I will not be far away so that’s good news. I just need to get out of the house because when I see my wife it automatically triggers all the thoughts and memories etc... I just need to get some space and time away starting Sunday night.
Boomba- be glad you can cry - no crying means severe anhedonia. Ask your wife for a list of bad things about you, good things, & a wish/honey do list. Do the same for her. Go to a marriage weekend together. You can fix it! Especially if you bring God into it.
She has fallen out of love so I am trying as much as I can to make it right but her feelings remain. The separation will be the final attempt to save our marriage.
I know there probably isn’t anything I could say to make you feel better. When I have my bad days I already know what I should be doing or the positive things to say but none of it matters because I can’t help it. Feeling worried about your meeting with the CEO sounds stressful so just focus on the small victories to make yourself feel better. Even as small as brushing your teeth before bed, eating all of your meals and not skipping, going on a walk for even 5/10 minutes, anything. Idk what you consider a small victory those are just some examples. Be proud that you still made it to work even though you left during the day, bc you still got yourself to get out of bed that morning even if you’re not going the next day. I know its hard to feel good about such small tasks when you have much bigger things to do and accomplish, and you can honestly ignore everything i say if it sounds childish, but I just am wishing you the best and God bless!
This did not sound childish at all. I relate to what you said about having the bad days and already knowing what you’re supposed to do but the sadness just takes over. This reply really hit home for me so thanks Lena.
I have lived with depression and anxiety all my life. It comes and goes. I find this site to help. Venting is helpful. My wife left me 3 months ago. It triggered the darkness. What I call depression. I have never been diagnosed. I am a mental health counselor. That makes this even more terrible cause I know all about the illness. I hate the emptiness and mental pain. If you have a good job then focus on your base. You can try to work out things with the wife. If you do. Then make sure you follow through with what you say you will do to make change.
Thanks. We are passed the change part. I made some changes when this started last month and she informed me last night that even though I changed everything she asked for that her feelings for me are not coming back. Maybe a separation will help but it’s looking more like divorce. I’m fighting to keep this marriage alive as I know many couples that come out of this 100 x’s stronger and closer and I hope and pray that this will be our outcome. It’s just so painful in the process while you also suffer from depression and anxiety..
My wife abandoned me. I came home to what looked like a burgarly. Stuff missing. Things on the floor. She moved from NYS to SC. She never said anything. She left me a 5 page hate letter. I understand something of what u are going through.
I’m sorry you are in so much pain. By continuing to work and spend time with your children, you will maintain some consistency and structure that is vital when depressed and anxious. Feeling anxious about meeting with your CEO is totally understandable given your level of stress. Are you able to let folks know at work that you are having a rough time so that they can better support you? And maybe time away from your wife will allow you both to put your marriage into perspective. Hang in there. There will come a time that you will feel more peaceful.❤️
I know it sounds cliche, but hang in there. this will all pass.
this sounds more like anxiety about what is about to happen. I bet once you are out of the bad environment you will feel a lot better are more clearheaded about things.
you are going to hurt for a while.... you just have to focus on you, take care of yourself and your job to make sure you don't spiral down some dark hole you can't get out of.
I'm clearly not in your shoes, but try to focus your energy NOT on being angry and feeling resentment. but to be there for your kids the best you can. even if that means leaving work early, you HAVE to take care your your mental health before you can take care of other things.
stay strong buddy. breakups of any sort are rough. just keep reaching out and talking about it and you will get through it
Hi Boomba, I'm so sorry for what you're going through, I've been there and it feels so bad like your in a vacuum of sadness.
I bet that once you make your move Sunday, you'll feel such a relief from being constantly triggered. Get as much sleep as you can Sunday evening. Have your plan made for the week, simple things like what you're wearing to work the next day. Try and take advantage of this upswing in your mood and plan for your meeting with your CEO. Give yourself permission to take a mental vacation from your wife and children until that meeting is over. Perhaps tell your friend that you may need some time alone to recharge but that you may also want to talk so to be patient with you.
You've got this! You are not alone! You are worthy and good enough! Take especially good care of yourself as it's so important for your mental health.
I send you positivity, strength and the courage to get through this.
Hugs,
Marie
PS: My go to for stopping the sad thoughts is an essential oil (sandalwood) rubbed either on my wrist or the palm of my hand. When those thoughts creep in, give the essential oil a good snuff. I would suggest something earthy for your essential oil. Good luck xo
I’m depressed and so is my 37 year old son. My son dated a girl for six years, gotten married and he found out she was cheating on him. Their marriage lasted six months. His job is very prestigious and he took a leave of absence. I told him that he should keep his job and I told him to suck it up. It was hard for him just as it is hard for you. I know you’ll get through this. I’ll be praying for you. Take care! ❤️❤️❤️
Yes I take 5 different meds for Diabetes, Depression/Anxiety, Blood Pressure, ADD/OCD, High Pulse, Liver. I have been stable for 13 years until November 1st when my wife dropped the whole separation discussion upon me. I haven’t had a good day since then.
Sorry to hear you feel so dreadful. Your wife is certainly not compassionate as wanting to separate just before Christmas. I definately think you should go to your Doctors and let them see you cry it’s nothing to be ashamed of. The only time I ever cry is when I am having a bout of anxiety. I think you need time off work to just get your mind back to the way you feel you can cope. Feel so sorry for you so please go to the Doctors xx
Was at DR 3 weeks ago. He gave me something to take to calm down my panic attacks (as needed) when I did the meds didn’t help and I actually felt worse the next day. He then gave me Xanax yesterday, that seemed to help. I also have a councilor appt. on the 18th. And yes, her timing couldn’t have been any more cruel.
Sir some churches have a program called Divorce Care. I believe it is one evening a week for 13 weeks. Being present in a group who are all going through something similar to you can be uplifting . Each week you go though a chapter explaining the different feelings you will have during this situation. Each person talks about their current situation and feelings which gives you some comfort listening and knowing you aren't alone. When I was in your shoes I was driving by a church that on their sign said divorce care and it happened to be going on at that moment (God thing) I just turned in to the parking lot and went in. All the people were very welcoming and since they were in the middle of the 13 weeks I finished out the remaining weeks. The church had a couple of weeks break and then started the program over again which I attened to catch the chapters I had missed. I went through the whole program including the chapters I had already been through. I can't tell you how much that helped me. Some in the group worked it out with their spouse and some like me ended in divorce. I would highly recommend the program if you can locate one in your area. Like me if they are in the middle of the thirteen weeks go anyway. The information in the chapters of the book help you put things in perspective for lack of a better word. Your situation is something you are going THROUGH and God turns all things for good in the long run.
Your post moved me to tears. Thank you for sharing. There are no words that can fix your pain but just know there are people who support you. I will pray for you and your family.
Boomba76, I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers too! You sound so much like my adult son and I feel your pain. Seeking help from a church is a great idea! Take care of you. My son is focusing on his job now and doing a little traveling. I hope and pray he finds love again.
Thank you so much. I thought I knew this illness but I was wrong. I have found new lows now. I pray for everyone who has this illness and I pray for everyone who doesn’t have it so that they never experience it.
Thank you again dee_bells, it means a lot right now!
You are going through lot. Hopefully separating for few days or weeks will save your marriage. Since you seem to be in higher position , hopefully you can keep your composure.
We have to go through these often, as you mentioned good things good days are not very far.
Thank you so much! I am going to do everything in my power to save this marriage. I don’t want a single regret past the ones I already have that can’t be corrected now. Primarily taking her for granted for the past 6 years. Thank you again for the kind words.
So very sorry that you’re going through this, as someone else has already mentioned to drop this on you right before the holidays and with having 2 small kids is very cruel. If she felt you were taking her for granted for 6 years, it doesn’t make any sense to pick this time of year to turn your world upside-down! It broke my heart reading your situation and I also will be praying for you.
I am so sorry that you are going through this- marriage is hard and when you suffer from depression it is all that much harder. There is so much excellent advice from others already that I don't want to add another layer other than to say, PRAY, TRUST and BELIEVE that God holds you squarely in the palm of His hand. You are never alone. I know when you are struggling and hurting it's hard to believe that God wants the best for you. Please don't give up hope, take each day as it comes and try to focus on the positives and little victories that each day holds. I would also encourage you to explore Christian marriage counseling with your wife or at the very least during this separation period read The Love Dare book from the movie Fireproof. It is a 40 day challenge that helps you one day at a time - I found both the movie and book to be life-transforming. Praying for you that you find the strength, wisdom and healing that you need for yourself and your marriage.
That's terrible that your wife wants you to move out and you have two small children. I admire your faith in God. It will be a great help to you. Blessings.
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