Please read and give suggestions

[manasi_1993]

Hi All, My name is Manasi. I am new to this group. I have been feeling low for a long period of time. I would like to start with my background a little. My mother had/still has depression after my dad had an illicit affair with some other lady. I was in 12th grade during this time. I am a single child and I was the only person to support her and help her. Several years later, I got married to a nice guy. But he is short tempered and when he gets angry he started hitting me. At first I cried and let the matter go. Each time he will come and say sorry to me afterwords. Then one day I hit him back. Then during every fight he started hitting me and I hit and scratched him back. This has been going for a while. I feel very bad after each ordeal. I don't want to hurt him but I am not able to. I am feeling very sad and I feel dead inside. What can I do? I told him one day that I am feeling depressed but he says that it is all drama and I am just faking it. I don't know what to believe. How can I know if I have depression? I joined this community so that I can connect wih others and understand more about my problem.

[sweetiepye]

Welcome to the site, I hope you find the answers you need. People are very supportive here. So I will tell you what I honestly think about your situation. It may not be what you want to hear but I hope you will at least consider it. I think you need to leave as soon as you can and find a safe place to stay.. He will not change although I sure he says he will. Without help things will continue as they are. When a woman does leave this type of relationship she is in danger and is usually the last one to realize it. Do you have family you can go to or friends? Are there women's groups in your area that help women leave ? Keep posting here, I'm sure others will also be responding to you. Stay safe. Pam

[manasi_1993 in reply to sweetiepye]

But I hit him back too. I don't know what to do. I have never been violent in my whole life. I have never physically hurt anyone in my life until I got married . I feel very bad about it. But I amn't able to control my emotions.

[sweetiepye in reply to manasi_1993]

self defense ! Would you have hit him if you weren't being attacked ?

[sweetiepye in reply to manasi_1993]

Whatever he says to you will be self serving. He wants to keep you under his control and he is causing you to doubt yourself. This isn't a healthy relationship. He actually is the mentally ill one. If you get out of this situation your health will improve. You haven't caused this situation.

[Dolphin14]

Domestic violence should not be tolerated. You should try and get out of this situation. Look for hot lines in your area where you can call for help.

I say power to you for fighting back! No one should put their hands on anyone. Self defense is the exception.

[manasi_1993 in reply to Dolphin14]

But I also hit him back. That makes me equally guilty.

[Dolphin14 in reply to manasi_1993]

But aren't you defending yourself?

[manasi_1993 in reply to Dolphin14]

Only when he attack me , I hurt him back. I get so angry to hurt him as bad as I can. But after the fight, I feel very sad and angry at myself. Is this normal? I know I shouldn't attack back but somehow I do it everytime

[Dolphin14 in reply to manasi_1993]

I would protect myself. I don't see anything wrong with that.

What is wrong here is that it's a volatile abusive situation and one of you has to leave.

Why are you staying on this situation?

[mayaschoen]

You’re allowed to feel what you feel. It’s not just “drama” I hope you can get out of the situation you’re in. I think your husband is causing a lot of pain were here for you

[manasi_1993 in reply to mayaschoen]

Sometimes I feel alright and I myself feel like I may be dramatic. After that I feel like I am of no use and I shouldn't have been born.

[mayaschoen in reply to manasi_1993]

I think you do have depression. What you say sounds like what I have (which is depression) Have you ever thought about reaching out to a therapist or a psychiatrist?

[manasi_1993 in reply to mayaschoen]

I am thinking of going to a therapist. But my husband won't let me. He says I don't have any problem.

[mayaschoen in reply to manasi_1993]

I think you have to take this in your own hands. You have to put yourself first. He isn’t you so he won’t understand what you’re going through. You deserve to feel better

[manasi_1993 in reply to mayaschoen]

He supports me financially so this isn't an easy task.

[Dolphin14 in reply to manasi_1993]

Do you have a family that can help you get away?

[mayaschoen in reply to manasi_1993]

I see just as dolphin said is there anybody who can help? Family or friends?

[Dolphin14 in reply to manasi_1993]

Don't allow someone else to dictate to you.

[fauxartist]

Violence is a dysfunctional way to resolve conflicts, and in no way would anyone condone this as a solution to someone hitting you. Most often this can lead to tragedy or permanent injury and it is a crime. You really need to get help and get out of this relationship. You didn’t hit before this relationship, and have been groomed to respond in kind.

I was put into the hospital after hoping the first time an ex- hit me that it was just because they were drunk. The next time was worse until I packed my things in the middle of the night and had to flee for my life. This is unhealthy and dangerous....stop and get out of this relationship before you can’t.

[KaleidoscopePicture]

Precious Friend,

This relationship concerns me. It is unhealthy and abusive. The way to determine if you have depression is to see a medical doctor, but if abuse is occurring in your home, it does not matter if the doctor puts you on depression medication. You will likely feel depressed even if you get on medication. You are not in a healthy or safe dynamic right now. I really encourage you to call the nearest domestic violence center and speak with a victim advocate. The advocate can help you explore options including counseling. I really urge you to get into counseling -- marriage counseling if possible. If your husband refuses to go, then I encourage you to get some individal counseling. Antidepressants may help as well, but it is not a solution as long as abuse is occurring.