someone please help me

[roygbi]

i don't know what to do anymore.I let this person back into my life because i thought it was a good idea because they had me confused, they made me believe that they missed me and that they actually cared. They turned around and shattered my heart all over again and i dont even know what is so wrong with me because i would never think twice about hurting either one of these people and here they are using me as a door mat.

[CroixNoire]

I think roygbi those people are toxic and you have the right to bring distance between them and you. For now, just take a breather for a moment.

[Hidden]

I agree with CroixNoire. You had a good heart and you gave them a second chance but they have chosen to violate your trust. Now you can absolutely get them out of your life. If they choose to , they can try to win your trust back but don't do anything further for them. You gave them a second chance as a decent person would. Trouble is actions speak louder than words. You have to take care of yourself first since they don't care.

[roygbi in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Hidden in reply to roygbi]

I want you to know I have been where you are. I've been betrayed by people I was trying to help. I've given second chances because my parents taught me as much. Still people must be called on their bad behavior. I have a big heart but some people (not all) are just plain bad.

[Dolphin14]

I have learned that being the " door mat" has a solution. The solution is boundaries.

Set boundaries with people, demand respect, don't allow people in you life that walk all over you.

They do it because they can. Once you take a stand for yourself they will change their behavior or walk away from you. If they walk away let them go, they aren't worth the stress it puts on you.

[All_alone in reply to Dolphin14]

I agree with Dolphin that boundaries are very important. You gave this person a second chance and they hurt you again. It may be hard to set boundaries when you are hurting now but you deserve so much more. Please be strong for you and your happiness because you are worth it.

[Ardraven]

All you can do is first pick yourself up as best you can and remember "this too shall pass" even if it doesn't feel like it. This means you'll have to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for making a mistake. Strong emotions can make fools of us all even when we know better and it's hard to make logic and reason overcome the thrill of those feelings. All you are guilty of is a lapse of judgment at a time when you badly wanted to believe in the fantasy they were selling you for their own reasons. Love is the hardest bait to refuse. The guilt for hurting you and abusing your trust and vulnerability is on them so put it where it belongs.

The second thing I think you can guess before you read it - learn the lessons. Don't let them in again they've had enough chances and enough of your life. They proved undeserving and manipulative in their new approach to you so don't give them more. More widely protect yourself for the future. You might make mistakes again but at least they'll be new ones and maybe not as painful. Make sure you acknowledge your own value as a person and in relationships. It's harder to short-change you if you do. Remember the bad feelings when the thrill ride starts and take a reality check. Does your head agree with your heart? Remember your value and trust your instincts over all other influences - if you can't be sure on the evidence of your head and heart then ignore them, go with your gut, and never second guess yourself or apologise for protecting your own heart.

[NorwegianWood]

If you need to make the next decision for your survival, find someone to support you, to hang on to, and move on. Know that you are sacred, as all people are and refuse to be servile. Rebuild your strength brick by brick and aim for the future, whatever that might look like.

[Sabio77]

roybgi, those type of people are toxic. believe in yourself. you are worthy of a healthy mate. focus on your good points. surround yourself with positive places, people and events. as you do these things, in due season, the toxic fall by the wayside and the fresh healthy ones attract like magnets. very important for self sanity, do not allow any negative thoughts take root in your mind and heart.