Hey

[nicetry]

Hey everyone. Just wanted to let someone know I’m having a bad day. LOTS of crying, then when I’m not crying I just stare absently out the window. I feel like I’m just existing, I’m just here. ECT starts next Wednesday. I’m so tired, I’m almost too tired to feel terrified of ECT.

[Fearoffear]

Therapy will be good for you next week. I know you feel terrible now and that's perfectly normal. Your emotional crisis will help your therapist to understand at what level you truly are at instead of masking your emotions with your coping skills. It will help them to really know where to start with your therapy to give you the best results from the start. I know the crying is hard and the numb stare is scary from the inside as much as the outside. Your nerves have been so bad that your mind is compensating by shutting down and when you fight the numb shut down all your mind can do is respond by crying. Have they put you on a benzo or antihistamine to try to relax you to get some comfort? When I use mine for breakthrough I give myself what I call the 4 day reset. I take 1 a day for 4 days and then go back off. I am finally at the point I have only had to reset every avout 3 months. Right now is the start of seasonal effective so try on a sunny day to sit in the windows sunshine and get warm, they also have light bulbs that give you the uv rays your body is missing. Tanning booths are also prescribed for seasonal effective. You are strong and have lasted so long waiting for this appointment it is now in reach. Think of something that makes you happy not like oh I liked ..... No something that makes a smile spread straight across your face and you can't stop from smiling. Hold that thought and know that little warm feeling is hope and you have it even through the tears and numbness. Good luck and gentle hugs!! Here if needed.

[nicetry in reply to Fearoffear]

I never thought of it that way, that my mind is compensating by shutting down. Thanks for that perspective.

[Celtic27]

Hi there I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling for so long have you tried councilling! Is the ect your idea or is it your doctors this is a unpopular treatment that has side effects but some people find it helps I hope it helps you to get better can you please let us know how you get on I would be interested in how you get on! Take care and good luck david

[nicetry in reply to Celtic27]

The ECT had been on the table for awhile — all year my psychiatrist has tried different meds to no avail & transmagnetic stimulation (TMS) was completely useless. The past few weeks have been so bad that the decision to do ect was made between me, my psychiatrist and my therapist. I will keep y’all updated for sure. Thanks!

[Want2BHappy3]

What is ECT? That's the way I feel like I'm just existing, I so badly want to enjoy the holidays,but can't get into it.

[nicetry in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Electroconvulsive Therapy. Back in the day, it was called “shock therapy” which isn’t exactly right.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to nicetry]

Interesting, never heard of it. Hope it works?

[nicetry in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Basically they induce a seizure by placing electrodes on your head (you’re under anesthesia throughout) give you a muscle relaxant, then use electricity to induce a small seizure. It’s supposed to be very effective for treatment resistant depression, which I have. Crazy thing is, even doctors aren’t sure how it works. My doc said it’s like “resetting” the brain so it helps meds work more effectively & resets the amount of hormones (serotonin, etc) the brain produces. You have to commit a lot of time, because in the beginning it’s three days a week.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to nicetry]

That sounds CRAZY??? What are you doing it IF doctors aren't too sure how it works???

[nicetry in reply to Want2BHappy3]

It’s been done for decades and there are theories as to how it works but no one definitive answer. I’m doing it, quite frankly, to keep myself alive. I have tried just about everything & nothing has worked.

[Want2BHappy3]

Wish you the best of luck

[nicetry in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Thank you so much. I’ll keep everyone updated.

[Want2BHappy3]

Yes Please, I'd be interested in seeing how it went? Could help other's thanks