Does anyone else ever feel like they ... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Does anyone else ever feel like they will never fit in?

catharsis34
catharsis34
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I find that every time I go out into the world that I have to put on a mask. Like I have to figure out a way to seem like a happy person when deep down I am miserable. When I look at other people, especially my close friends and family members, they make life seem so easy. Their schedules are packed with social activities or happy hours after work and they never seem overwhelmed by it. For me, I struggle to even go to the grocery store without feeling completely exhausted. When I had a job, I would just want to come home and be alone. Mustering up the strength to pull it together for a happy hour was like an impossible feat. And why would I want to socialize when I've just spent the whole day faking it? I just don't get it. It's like I have a malfunctioning battery that constantly needs recharging and other people can go days without needing to be plugged in.

I see strangers working or just simply walking down the street laughing with their friends, it seems like they are so happy. I am envious of the simplicity of their lives and how it seems like they don't have this weight holding them down. (Of course I am aware that I have no idea what is actually going on in their lives and this is merely my perception of them) but for whatever reason the feeling of being an outsider always persists. I don't know if its my extreme insecurity or my lack of trust in people but I can't help but think that I don't belong and I will never be able to be a normal functioning person in society. Has anyone ever felt this?

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catharsis34
catharsis34
in reply to Hidden

I appreciate your advice. Sharing these feelings about something that I struggle with makes me extremely vulnerable, which is why I came to this platform in the first place. To be honest when I read this reply I was discouraged. Your words come off a little condescending when you say “motivate yourself to want to be happy”.

Don’t you think everyone wants to be happy? I wouldn’t be here posting if I didn’t have the motivation or drive to be happy. If it were that easy, and just the mere desire to be happy was actually a true catalyst for experiencing happiness, this platform would not exist.

I try every single day to be happy and find joy through writing, artwork, and exercise.. I think that by telling someone to pull themselves up and stop feeling how they are feeling is exactly why this problem keeps perpetuating. It made me feel like more of an outsider. It’s about the social support and shared experiences.

I’m not sure if this was your intention or not but I want to be honest about how this post made me feel.

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Melhall

Yes. I never fit in, not even with my husband and daughter. I am so different than others it seems. I'm good at work but I am still so different than the others. I will still be myself, love it or leave it. I also have special qualities that they don't have because of my struggles. I love deeper than most too and it shows which I think is why people like me regardless if I seem a bit weird.

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mjcll41

Short answer: yes.

I tried to go into business for myself, getting a counseling license via private company, which taught me a counseling theory that includes the "temperaments": "Sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, melancholy," and another they called, "supine". Long story short, you seem to be the sort of temperament which desires one or very few friendships - but you desire those to be very strong friendships. If this is true of you, you get your energy from being by yourself and are drained by other people. You should find a job in which you are alone or deal with minimial amounts of people.

I, on the other hand, am the kind that wishes many friendships. I AM outgoing, and when I am dealing with people on a personal level (it doesn't quite work on the job), my face is not fake. And yet, I too am rejected a lot. Find your tribe, however small you want it to be.

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NeuronerdDoaty

Oh heck I’ve never fit ‘in’! This world is weird.

My kids used to fuss at me to be ‘normal’ until a friend left or go to my room. Lol!

The only place I’m with others I feel comfortable with is at work. Scientists and healthcare workers.

Whisper in your ear: ‘they pack their schedule so they don’t see how boring life really is’.

Be comfortable with you. Take off the mask and do your own thing. You don’t belong in the play. Neither does anyone with any brains. Find things you like to do and then people will join you. It’s hard to be authentic until you embrace it.

Best of luck to you free spirit

Doaty💛

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Mrspjsmom

I not only feel like that but often feel that way with my family. When my daughter was a teenager she gave me strict rules to follow so I wouldn't embarrass her. But I think "normal" isn't a great word to describe people. Everyone is unique, one of a kind. I celebrate that and often wonder if the people I see in public are wearing masks.

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NeuronerdDoaty

I can hear my daughter saying ‘mom’ in three syllables. Made me laugh behind her back. 😆

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Snowyowl23

Yes I have felt the same way. I agree with what everyone else has said. It can be hard to focus on yourself, especially when you are trained to help others and never take a spare moment for yourself to begin with. And it’s terribly easy to compare yourself to everyone else, and to feel envious of all their activities and obligation. I always felt left out and isolated, like there was something wrong with me. But turning the focus to myself helped me a lot.

neuronerd made a great point - maybe they pack their life full for a reason that we can’t readily see. It’s important to keep that in mind. ☺️

I like what coco melon said - find the things that you enjoy and pursue them. I got back into crochet recently and it has been very therapeutic. I hope you find something that brings and fills you with joy. 🦉🦉

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Tolongtoenter

Absolutely, I was diagnosed a few years back with asperger's and a personality disorder but until then I didnt understand society or people and had the hardest time with things. As I got older I thought it would click but it never did, 6 attempts later and a nosey wife who pushed me to see a different kind of doctor and BAM now I get some of it. Point is it gets better sometimes it really just has to suck first.

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catharsis34

Thank you for sharing your struggle. It’s nice to know that even after a series of attempts that it’s possible to see a light at the end of the tunnel ... It’s also nice to know that you had spousal support to get you through it, which I think is very important.

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Arc8

I find myself always questioning what others think and comparing myself to them. I'm working in therapy to change that. It all comes down to self love. When you feel like the odd ball out interaction is hard. Social situations just become unbearable because your constantly questioning. But honestly not everyone is a people person. And that's ok. Most people just aren't worth it, let's be real. Focus on you and what you got going on. Find yourself and the rest will come easy. Self love first.

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catharsis34

Thank you for all the kind words and advice, I appreciate it

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crowningglory19

Sometimes being happy is acting happy, choosing to be happy in spite of things, but we all have our doubts, it doesn't mean you aren't accepted or real, it's just that feelings come and go, but we are what we do, not always how we feel. So, do what you want, who you want to be will be shown. Find your niche, everyone has a tribe. Just be you, but the best you and you will like you. Volunteering is a great way to find what matters to you and when you help others, it helps you too. It's good to get outside of our own problems and they will shrink. Also, take care of you, take a good multi that has magnesium in it since it calms the mind body and spirit and that has B Complex, since it gives us good focus and energy. Also, ginseng is great to get rid of sticky negative thoughts. Get outside, even when you don't feel like it and it will help you feel better. =) Best to you, dear. You are a treasure, and worth loving!

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