Every 'No' feels like an insult or betrayal to me

[CantThinkOfAName]

Be it friend or family, it all hurts and makes me feel terrible, even though they don't mean it as anything bad. After all it's perfectly ok and also healthy to not say yes to everything. Still.

I rarely ask for a favor or anything, usually just try to make everything on my own. And this terrible feeling is one of the reasons. And it really annoys me that I feel like that. Because I KNOW I'm in the wrong. They all do it right. You can't say yes to everything, that's stupid. Actually, I am the one who should say 'No' way more often.

I am almost afraid of hearing 'no', or 'sorry I can't' or any version of denial, no matter how reasonable, or how nicely said. I take it personally.

For example, when I was 16, I asked my mother if she could drive me to a friend and later pick me up, and she, not in a mean way, told me that I am not a lil kid anymore and that I could please try to make it some other way, too. I did, took a bus, it was easy. But, I am 30 now and I haved asked my mother maybe 1 or 2 more times if she could come pick me up or something, just because of that time. Really only if there was no other way. I'd rather walk an hour home through the cold or wait over an hour for a bus. Even though I know she will do it if she has time. Even though my sisters have no qualms about making her drive a detour to pick them up whenever.

I just can't ask for favors or anything, because a 'No' hunts me for years to come.

Of course there are more things hunting me than just a no but today, that one bothers me enough to ask you guys if I am the only one feeling like that?

Thank you for listening

[Mrspjsmom]

I never used to ask for help. I wanted to be perfect, I didn't want to feel like I was a burden. And like you I didn't want to feel rejected. Now I have learned to ask for help. But often it never comes. I have an old table on my deck that needs to go to the curb. I can't move it alone. For two years I have asked everyone I can think of for help. They tell me they will but always have an excuse not to do it. This may seem like a small thing but it's just one example. I know it's hard to ask but please start to ask. I would hate to see you end up like me.

[CantThinkOfAName in reply to Mrspjsmom]

That does sound really terrible. It would make me feel terrible and also angry, because if I am asked for help, I usually make sure that I do it. I hope you find someone to help you soon. I would if I could, but I'm 99% sure I am too far away from you

I try to do it a little bit more often. With little things. And so far it's ok. But it xan be so hard to convince myself sometimes.

Thank you for replying, Take care♡

[All_alone]

I used to never ask for help but I'm learning to ask. I don't ask often but I have a few that will be there. Others say no or I cant, then theres those that say yes and don't show up or even call. So I know who to ask as well as to avoid asking.

[CantThinkOfAName in reply to All_alone]

Saying yes and then backing out is even worse. Something like that makes me really angry sometimes. A No feels like a hit in the soul. But its better than that.

I am sorry you have people like that. I hope you don't let them use you.

Thanks for replying, take care ♡

[All_alone in reply to CantThinkOfAName]

It probably is the worst especially when i was in dire need of help and thought I had everything lined up then bam!!! I probably did let them use me last year this time but have since changed. I need to be there for me first right now.

[CantThinkOfAName in reply to All_alone]

That's true. I am working on teaching myself to be more egoistically in a healthy way. I had thso egoist that just think about themself, but partly it's only healthy. To think of myself first and decide if a request of a friend ist just a lil inconvinience for me or if I truly suffer some kind of concequences if I just say yes again because I don't want to say no.

So yeah, trying to become a healthy egoist that way, I can't be used by idiots either

[Hidden]

I so agree with you about every NO feeling like a rejection. I have become afraid to ask friends or family to do anything because I feel the hurt forever. I know I shouldn’t and it is not personal but I do. I would really like to not feel like this. Glad in a way it is not just me

[CantThinkOfAName in reply to Hidden]

I am so relieved to see that not only I feel that way. It's terrible and it sticks for so long. And often I feel stupid, like why did I ask such a thing, no wonder they said no...

Even though it's never really anything stupid, on some level I do know that.

Thank you for replying and take care ♡

[Hidden]

I totally hear you

[CantThinkOfAName in reply to Hidden]

So good to see that I am not alone

[Hollick]

do you think your an HSP? highly sensitive..nothing wrong with that, but maybe that's what it is? have you always felt this way?

[CantThinkOfAName in reply to Hollick]

...I don't know? Maybe. HSP, what exactly does it stand for? Highly Sensitive..Person?

I have always felt like that, as far as I can remember, yeah

[All_alone]

I have never heard of HSP but we also deserve respect from others. If we need help we need to ask and hopefully they will step forward to help. But constant no's or I cant's does take its toll on the person needing help . ❤ for me sensitivity = caring. Just my thoughts.