I'm feeling anxious this morning. It hurts to be alive.

[Greensummer18]

My anxiety is pretty bad this morning. I don't want to get out of bed because my thoughts are making my life miserable. i would rather sleep, because my dreams are better than my life. And they won't go away. My mom just got a job as a substitute teacher and is going to be at work all day. This upsets me because i am really close with her and rely on her when I need someone. So I'm anxious about that and I would do anything to be myself again. I'm anxious, lonely, and depressed. I'm upset with myself and I feel broken. I feel I don't want to be alive anymore. I can't do this every day. It hurts to live. And for some reason these thoughts keep telling me I like them. That I want to live like this. It's not true. This hurts.

[JkBauer]

I am sorry that you are feeling so depressed this morning. I will pray for you and I hope you can listen to this hymn and find hope and truth in it.

Amazing Grace - Best Version By Far! - YouTube

God Bless You!

[Greensummer18 in reply to JkBauer]

Thank you so much. I will listen to that hymn. Thank you for praying for me.

[SKCW]

Hello dear one, hold on. You can get through this and get to a much better place. You are a sensitive person and we need those in this world. Unfortunately, sensitives are very aware of all their thoughts and often plagued by them. And if you feel like you are being sort of taunted by your thoughts and as though they are accusing you of things you aren't and you're desperately trying to counter them in your head, you might consider looking into obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). I struggled with this terribly as a young person, and once you know what you are dealing with you can get to a much better place. If you find yourself doing little rituals, even just thought rituals, to counter those thoughts, you might be dealing with this. I don't have more info to help you know, but just a thought on that in case. Also, if you feel victimized and totally saturated with your thoughts all the time, it is important to get out of your head and connect to nature, others, and meaningful activities. I understand deeply what it's like to want to get out of one's head sometimes! You need to look at your darker thoughts as though they were being fed to you by a bully. This can help you to realize how you're being victimized by them. If a person were constantly talking to you like your thoughts were, you'd likely consider yourself in an abusive relationship, right? So, get mad at these rotten thoughts, who are they to defeat you? The world needs your kind of sensitivity. You just need to learn how to connect it outward. Right now you're feeling beaten down, so be gentle with yourself. Start with small steps. Introduce to your mind more positive thoughts. Like, if your thoughts say to you, I don't want to get out of bed, you can start thinking all sorts of grateful thoughts: I'm glad I can get out of bed and I have my health to do so. Or, I love that tree and the way the branches look like embracing arms. Consider it a complete in the face of the other kinds of thoughts. It may sound cheesy, but the more you introduce these positive thoughts, there is less air time for the other thoughts. Also, you need to realize that you have the power of constant choices and you have the power to make people breathe easier. When you start to recognize these things, you start to realize the impact that you can have. The smallest things, telling someone you like their glasses or haircut, whatever positive thing you notice, can make their face light up, see that impact. Find a meaningful pursuit or cause to become part of that helps other people. When you give out, you really do receive. People need a meaningful purpose and it seems to be a law of the universe that if you give out you receive, like that we are part of one another and helping others helps ourselves. You might listed to Youtube videos of Jordan Peterson talking on depression. He has some sound advice, like getting routines, making small changes, making sure you're eating enough healthy food, and finding your meaning. Hold on there, my friend. Just keep putting one foot infront of the other, actively work learning about how to counter anxiety and depression, and make small steps, before you know it, it will get lighter and lighter. You never know the beautiful things ahead of you in life, people and experiences you cannot yet imagine.

[Greensummer18 in reply to SKCW]

This made my day. Thank you so much. ❤❤❤

[Greensummer18 in reply to SKCW]

And yes. I struggle with undiagnosed OCD. I know that's what I am struggling with. I've seen this get better so many times. But it's like my thoughts are laughing at me and telling me I would do bad things. Thank you for understanding. I can tell you care. ❤

[SuZQ154]

So sorry you are feeling this way. And so glad you are posting. That is honest and brave.

The saying, "Fake it until you make it" comes to mind. When I am feeling like you, I pray, "What should I do, Lord?" I listen, and whatever, I believe the quiet voice is telling me, I do. I get started by telling myself, "If you need to stop, you can. Just take the first step" Almost always, when I get started, I keep going. "Faking it" can change our thought life! It often gets me out of my funk. Hope this helps you today. Praying for you.

[Greensummer18 in reply to SuZQ154]

Thank you ❤