I Miss Her More Than Words Can Describe

It has been around 6 weeks now since my girlfriend and I broke up. There has been contact throughout these weeks, but I saw her walking with a guy friend that I did not know (who has a girlfriend I have been told) and I cannot stop thinking about every angle and possibility in which they fall in love because they are in the same class. It took me months to get her to fully fall for me, because I become friends with the person I like first to create a stronger bond, which ultimately gets unraveled through my anxiety (this takes about a year). She was the best friend and girlfriend I have ever had. She is smart, intelligent and beautiful. I cannot stand the fact I messed this up, but that is also the problem. I pushed her away very far because of my anxiety and I am fixing myself now through therapy and medication. I have asked her what she thinks about getting back together and she says she can't right now, but I am scared she is going to move on and find happiness in someone else because I was not the best toward the end of the relationship. During these weeks I have reflected every single day on what I have done wrong and what I could have done to make her happier. It is hard because I see all the faults and issues very clearly and am not able to show her. If I were to have just a few days with her she would be blown away with how i've realized what I needed to do. This is ruining my life. I can't stop thinking about all of the fun things we could be doing now down at school, and I have lesser relationships with some of my friends at school because I spent so much time with her. I really need help. She engulfs my every thought. I think she still cares due to her texts and such but I need to get back with her. I need ideas, insight, and help please. I am fucking withering away. She kept me grounded. I am lost and alone. Please please help me.

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My goodness, I feel for you brother. That is such a long time. I just feel so bad for the way I treated her at the end and know I can make up for it. Loved ones can be very cruel and I hope your situation gets better. I have hope for you.

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I'm sorry. Thank you for your service. My son is a fellow Marine.

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That's really hard. It seems like you are reaching for ways to show her you are better but what happens on the days you are not. Your partner needs to love you in those times too and if she already can't handle it I would let her go. Life gets more complicated with marriage and kids and unfortunately anxiety can increase at times. I would hate for you to wonder if she will leave you again in the tougher times. That's way more added stress that you don't need.

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She was willing to help but my anxiety just spun out of control and I wouldn’t be good to her. Say shit I didn’t mean. I didn’t voice my issues as much as I should have to her. It was dumb I should have gotten more help while with her. I need her so badly.

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I understand. Work on yourself for a bit for now. At least next time, whoever it is, you will know to open up and reach out for help and support from her.