The light at the end of the tunnel is growing dimmer

[emsleepy]

I’m in a weird spot. I suffer from PTSD and Bipolar 2. Lately, I’ve fallen into a deep depressive episode and I can feel myself being pulled deeper. It hasn’t been this bad since I was hospitalized last. I know I need to be admitted for treatment somewhere, but I don’t have a reliable support system (other than my dog and cat) to help me out and can’t afford to take any time off of work. I have my therapist to go to for emergency sessions, but nothing seems to be helping. I can’t go to my friends, because they are all stressed in their own lives and I refuse to place this burden on them. I’m not posting in hopes for a solution, I just need to share this with someone who understands the stress and desperation I feel, and I figured this is a good place to share such things. Logically, I know this will pass, but it feels like I’m stuck in this hole forever. I hope you all are breathing easy, and if not today, then someday soon.

All my love,

Em

[mvillarreal]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a very difficult time right now. I wonder, though: will your friends really be burdened if you tell them about what you are going through? I wonder if maybe they would be perfectly okay hearing about your struggles and can be a support for you. What if you tried telling someone that you are going through a hard time, even via text or something?

[ColoradoSunshine]

That is really hard. It's good that you are going to counseling. Are you on an anti-depressant? Consider trying that or change/add to it if you are already on something.

I would encourge you to talk to your friends. That's what they are there for. Depression and anxiety can be very isolating and the last thing I want to do is talk to someone becuase I also feel shame. But when I do talk to someone it usually helps take aload off of me. Even when I am stressed when a friend talks to me about thier issues I dont feel burdoned by it. I feel honored that they are confiding in me and seeking my support. I think that is your depression telling you not to talk to your friends about it.

Another thing I did when I wasn't getting relief from counseling and meds was taking walks. I walked and walked and walked. I am very sedentary usually (bad) but I made myself do it.

I got blood work to check witamin D and other things that impact mood. I had lower Vitamin D and got on meg-doses of Vitamin D for 6 weeks (I think that long).

I went to church. I have my doubts about God but I thought - what will it hurt? I will talk to people and get out of the house. I also signed up for something called "Stephen Ministries". It's a large program across thousands of chruches. They match you with a trained mentor to be a friend through tough times in life.

I downloaded an app on my phone called "10% happier" It helped me to calm down and sleep. Its $50-60 per year after a trial and worth every penny. I use it when I can't sleep still.

In summary, it wasnt just one of these things that helped. All of these things had a cummulative effect over time. I find today if I miss my meds then after 24 hours I start feeling down. It sucks but then I take my meds and it helps. Then I think, "Hmm I need to get back to basics to help myself right now." if I am not doing the things I mentioned above.

Use your fur-babys as supports. when you are overwhelmed put them on your lap and pet them. Play ball or feed them a treat. They want to make thier hoo-mans happy!

Get into the fresh air. I sometimes splash my face with cold water and dry off and then go outside. the change of scenery helps.

I hope this helped. Keep strong. you can do this!! you are not alone friend!!