Damaged

[Afaaf]

Am damaged I think to myself, how can I possibly coexist in the society when am emotionally disturbed,how can I converse without breaking down,am in so much pain on the inside and am disgusted and ashamed for feeling that way!am afraid I can’t help myself nor dust myself off and move on with life I can’t ,my mind has become too weak am emotionally weak I need help but don’t have the money to pay for a therapy session

[CatIsMyCopilot]

Hi Afaaf,

Just because you are "emotionally disturbed" doesn't mean you cannot exist in society. We all have disturbances in our emotions, and many have breakdowns too. I know this feeling of guilt well, unfortunately. Sometimes it helps me to remember to be nice to myself in all of this. Try to think "Of course, I'm scared and upset. These are scary and upsetting thoughts I'm having. It's totally understandable. If my friend or a child were experiencing these things, I would comfort them. I would hug them or offer to get them tea. I would ask them how I could help." Basically try to focus on the idea of what you're experiencing deserving comfort, rather than the guilt over what you're feeling, or asking why you're feeling what you're feeling. Those are also questions the brain wants to focus on, but if you stop first to offer the comfort to yourself, maybe those questions of guilt or "why?" won't seem so important anymore.

Therapy can help, but here are some self-help resources you might be able to find at a library:

"Hope And Help For Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes

"Self-Compassion" by Kristin Neff (recommended to me by another user here)

"The Worry Trick" by David Carbonell

Maybe you might also be able to find free support groups in your area?

[Afaaf in reply to CatIsMyCopilot]

Thank u for the advice,my mind is racing and am in bed just bawling my eyes out,such hurtful and harsh thoughts in my mind due to a trigger earlier on today thus surfacing all these emotions,but I will definitely check these books out and no there are no support groups for mental wellness in my area thank u again for responding

[lillyofthevalley37]

Many people are walking around feeling exactly the same you just can't see it , when you go out pretend you.are ok

[Jeff1943]

You are much stronger than you think, Afaaf. Maybe hidden strength but certainly sufficient to give you peace of mind once more and rid you of your fears and high anxiety.

If you want to feel normal again then you must resume leading a normal life. Get up in the morning as normal, go to work or college as normal and socialise as normal. This won't cure you but it prepares you for your return to feeling normal.

Everybody suffers from anxiety: it's the normal reaction to too much stress. So you find yourself in strange territory where over stressed nerves exaggerate every small task or concern into a mountain too high to climb.

No need to feel guilty or ashamed about having anxiety disorder, it's a thin line between normal anxiety and high anxiety that sensitises your nerves and causes all kinds of unpleasant symptoms. Not your fault at all, you're one of millions who tried too hard to please everyone by setting ourselves impossible targets and ending up blowing a cerebral fuse.

You've probably been fighting this beastie for all you're worth and wondering why you're not feeling any better. What you maybe didn't realise it's the fighting that's the problem. Fighting causes more stress and tension and helps to maintain your nerves in their sensitive state. The solution is to do nothing other than accepting your anxiety as an unwelcome visitor. Just go along with it for the moment, agree to co-exist with it for the time being, you can you know.

Don't keep testing for it every five minutes, that's true acceptance. Accept it's going to be with you for a while longer but accept also it's not life-threatening or life-changing. You aren't going to end up disabled or crazy. No chance.

By accepting the symptoms for the moment you help cure the cause: your sensitised nervous system. If you can replace constant fear with acceptance you're well on the way to recovery.

You can converse with others without breaking down, we all do it, it's called acting. After a while you get so good at it you can end up on the short list for an Oscar.

So just resume your normal life, lose your fear of anxiety by accepting it and you need do nothing more than that. Once you stop flooding your nerves with fear hormones the pressure gauge starts to drop and you can soon leave all the bad feelings behind you.

[Afaaf in reply to Jeff1943]

Yeah forgot what is feels to socialize am afraid of that and poor at it so all I do is stay home cook for the family then retreat to my room but thank u for the reply

[Jeff1943]

Afaaf, you deserve more out of life, to socialise is everybody's right. No need to feel afraid of it, no pressure at all. And the more you engage with other people the better you get at socialising.

To begin with just remember to smile and agree with everyone. Until you've got used to things, then you can speak your mind

I think you will greatly benefit from reading a short book written many years ago that is still obtainable from Amazon: it's called 'Self help for your nerves' in the U.K. and ''Hope and help for your nerves" in the U.S. and it's written by Claire Weekes. It could help you change your life completely.

Hey, come on now, you didn't write that post just to carry on as normal did you.

So have a go and read the book, it's available new or second hand on Amazon for just a few £/$.

Best wishes for the future.

[Afaaf in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank u,I will be fine I guess,I will check those books out thanks for suggesting I appreciate it

[hypercat54]

H I agree with the other comments. Remember the 2 most important rules of social interaction. If you are in a group follow the conversation and smile occasionally. You haven't got to speak if you don't want to.

The second is remember that it's not just you who has social anxiety but many other do too. Think less about how you are feeling and concentrate on putting the other person at ease. They will think you are lovely trust me. x