Releasing &Rising Above Chronic Disease, Abuse, Trauma &Pain.

[TenaciousinTN]

I'm looking for a safe place to release my emotions and gain support while I rise above chronic disease, abuse, trauma, and chronic pain. My life experiences are an open book, but I will adhere as best I can to the policy within this group & refrain from making this too personal. I am doing my best, I am new here.

I am currently navigating the "waters" of depression, apathy, and loneliness brought about by chronic illness. I have tools collected through the years that help me manage the darkness without medications, but I seek support from others time to time. In the hierarchy of needs I believe this is classified as a feeling of belonging. I have never experienced a long lasting feeling of belonging. Perhaps the support here will help with that.

I was born with a genetic brain anomaly later in life triggering medically uncontrolled, unpredictable seizures. This same illness would pass to my oldest and only daughter. It would be responsible for the ending of her life suddenly in 2012. She was 27 and the mother of one child.

I am a survivor of 45 years of abuse and neglect; parents that didn't know how to love me, father that used me as a surrogate wife, husbands that abused me on several levels. The final trauma was when I had finally broken free from all harm just to have my youngest child tell me he no longer wanted to be part of my life. So, when I have the opportunity for friends and family to celebrate success with me, I am living alone. I'm facing my demons of disability without support of those I know living around me, loving me. Sad story only if you allow the sadness to suck you in.

On better days I wake with purpose and better health. I want better things for others and for myself. Today I am not quite there. With your support I am quite confident I soon shall be restored to Tenacious in TN.

[jkl5500]

Welcome to the site! There are many people here who can relate to these kinds of suffering . I'm very sorry for all that has happened to you. You're welcome to message me anytime.

[TenaciousinTN in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you. I will message you and others as trust builds. The hurt from abuses over the years has left me quite careful. I am confident you are compassionate and understanding.

[Chancalot]

Great words of wisdom and encouragement. You're right we can't allow the sadness to suck us in. Stay positive and keep looking up. You'll get through this. Chancalot.

[TenaciousinTN in reply to Chancalot]

I find my life, my emotions, are much like the ocean. Ebb and flow. I am confident the emotions I feel that are uncomfortable will pass and Joy will enter once again. Thank you for the uplifting. Oh, I love the name!

[susanv1994]

I am really sorry that you have gone through so much abuse in your life. It is terrible to be so abused. But you can recover. Do you belong to a physical support group? There are support groups for people who have gone through the abuse you describe. If you are not perhaps you can find one through the National Domestic Violence hotline. I found someone to whom I was able to speak to about my abuse, and it was freeing. I no longer feel burdened by all garbage I used to carry with me hurting all my other relationships.

[TenaciousinTN in reply to susanv1994]

Thank you for your help and sharing your experience. I have tested a local live support group for domestic violence and it proved to be even more harmful to my well-being. The members were so wrapped up in their own experience they were not ready to help anyone else so they gave me "advice" along the lines of telling me: It doesn't get better, there is no solution for the emotional pain. I knew even then there is always Hope. I have always known, even in my darkest moments, my God is bigger than any experience I face. There are times I want to connect with people who have been through similar experiences and emotions, but with God I never need it.

[susanv1994]

Sorry It took me so long to get back to you. I too had a similiar experience. All the wanted to talk about is don't trust don't trust. Gah! But you have a healthy attitdude and I am thrilled to hear about your repiance on God. He is bigger than your problems, and the evil ones lies.

[susanv1994]

I just read a response that you sent me from a different post. Interesting how God works becasue your response is going to help me answer you. God is greater than all your problems. but we do need support. God made us social beings that is why the first church did everything together Acts 2:44. Is there a woman's Bible study that you can join? I have found that my women's group is where I grow in the Lord and find support with things that are hard to discuss. Perhaps you can find a group within your church or even another church. Our group is an interdenominational group with women from various religious organiztions and walks of life.

[TenaciousinTN in reply to susanv1994]

Thank you for the support and suggestion. My entire adult life I have looked for belonging inside many different denominations ( including interdenominational and on-denominational) churches. Experiences lead me out of them every time. Thirty years later I find myself without a church family. My place of worship is, literally, my home. My granddaughter even named my home Tonya's Temple because of the strong spiritual comfort and influence people feel when they visit. I have been blessed with a couple, man and wife, living next door to me that I am able to share with and pray with. We three are disabled and lovingly call ourselves "Super Friends". I have times when my sup runs dry and when that happens I turn to spiritual leaders and teachers online. This is not my choice. You see, I have been emotionally pushed out of every religious gathering I have attended the last 30 years. I'm not bitter, it is what it is. I now walk with God and remain open to the right church family ready for me.