Those of us with anxiety disorder should always keep things in perspective.
All the fears and pains and obsessions that we experience aren't for real. When we reach anxiety overload and cerebral fuses start popping everything seems ten times worse than it is. Everything is worst case scenario.
We think we're going to die sometime soon or we're about to lose our minds. A heart attack is imminent or we must have cancer. Even our doctor's reassurance that it's "just nerves, the blood tests and scan were fine" leaves us unconvinced.
Anxiety casts a spell that's hard to break.
But anxiety's bark is worse than it's bite: anxiety alone can't kill you, can't send you crazy or reduce you to a gibbering wreck who has lost all control. Anxiety has limitations. It's a neurosis not a psychosis.
Bear in mind you're not going to feel like this forever. You're lucky enough to be living in the 21st. century so you have access to tried and tested medications to bring respite; talking therapy with people who can set your mind at rest; and access to books and videos that offer you a self-help route to recovery.
You're going to come through this and you'll be stronger because of it. Panic attacks and constant crying will be a thing of the past. You'll realise that all those major illnesses were only fake symptoms caused by over sensitised nerves or muscular tension.
Things are going to get better, you're not the first to feel this way and you won't be the last. In this forum you will find support, knowledge based on the experience of others and much good advice.
Before long the future is going to look a lot brighter.
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Jeff1943
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Everything has a beginning and end....a therapist told me the same; that it could get worse. But I understand why she said it...Its not fun in the least bit but once the worst is over, you can handle anything. We have already proved that we are stronger than we know cause we are still here fighting. The road is never easy but I believe we can get through it. This group has helped a lot and we can help each other anytime you need me. Always remember to take one day at a time.
Haven’t been here for a while and yet this is the first post I read. Thanks for the words and the familiarity. This IS a great place for advice and sometimes plain ol comfort. Thanks for the virtual hug. I needed that.
Nice TRY, you think we don't know ALL that you mentioned? The Fact is that it seems Very real to us, if it were that Easy? No one would have this disorder.
I disagree, I think many people don't understand what's happening to them and do need an explanation.
Of course the symptoms feel real which is why it's important to constantly remind that these are not symptoms of real physical illness.
Nobody said recovery was going to be easy, I said that nervous illness is less serious than the terminal illnesses many people mistakenly believe they have. Sorry you found my post upsetting.
It’s not easy. And in the heat of the fight it seems like an empty promise. It’s up to us personally to see our thoughts for what they are though. And realize that only we have the power to choose what we are going to do and believe. I know you “want to be happy”. It’s not coming without a struggle. We’ve got to know ourselves and this disease we are battling. We’ve got to be wiser than our symptoms. You can do it! That’s why your here right? For hope, encouragement and help, no? 💗
Thanks Jeff for encouraging post. I bookmark your posts so that when I feel down I read them and they help me so please keep on writing them. Love from Lin x
I don’t know...for me every and I mean EVERY time I let my guard down and tell myself to relax, it’s not going to be that bad...it’s a total disaster and so much worse than I could ever imagine. It’s better for me to think the worst and then it doesn’t happen. But then, I’m seriously messed up 🤪 I’m on three medications and I still feel anxiety 24/7 😖😫🤯
You are right of course. Anyone who doesn’t feel like this goes through life just like you said. Maybe someday...but at 52 I think I might be set in my bad ways ☹️
Oh my goodness you just summed it up in a very understandable and absolutely accurate way! Now let’s try and ingrain that message in our minds. Power to the people!!💪🏻
Claire Weekes, who wrote 'Self help with your nerves', believed that everybody can recover from anxiety disorder no matter how long or deeply they have suffered.
May I say that by constantly fearing the worst you are pumping out the fear hormones that keep nerves sensitised. Whereas if you persistently remind yourself that these symptoms are an illusion then you will not respond to the flash of first fear with second fear. Which helps sensitised nerves to heal.
jeff, I always enjoy reading your posts. Lately, I just feel like giving up. So much tension and now I have developed tinnitus. Have you ever experienced that on your anxiety journey? I will never give up because I have a beautiful 10 yo daughter, but definitely discouraging fighting this battle. I have read so much conflicting stories whether the safety and efficacy of medication or diets and supplements to take, my head is spinning. Keep up the words of encouragement cause it really helps.
Autumnthebrat2, I sometimes get pulsile tinnitus which means I can hear my heartbeat but I think in my case it's something to do with the aging process rather than anxiety though it's more noticeable when I'm tired, stressed or my blood pressure is a little higher. But as anxiety can affect every part of the body I'm sure tinnitus can be the result of sensitised nerves within the inner ear.
Sorry you're having a tough time at the moment, some people feel the side effects of meds more than others and sometimes you have to try several meds before you find the one that suits you. I've heard some good reports about magnesium supplements, worth a try.
Have you read any of Claire Weeke's books such as 'Self help for your nerves'? It brings understanding, reassurance and a road plan for recovery.
thanks for replying, yes great books, I have been so distressed over this tinnitus, I dug one out of the closet and started reading it again. great books!
Have you ever known someone to have gone to a doctor for symptoms, have something found by the doctor and recommended surgery. But looking back at the situation realizing the original symptoms were probably brought on by anxiety, but completely missed by the doctor. Anxiety drives the patient to elect surgery that was not needed. Then post surgery, REAL side effects, complications and symptoms now set in which compounds the original anxiety symptoms and causes more of a sensitized nervous system? Doctors/Surgeons need to be more educated on health anxiety and have more laws/protocols before they can start recommending surgery to patients.
I've never heard of that happening, Smilebright, but I'm sure a lot of it goes on now you mention it. I agree that doctors need more instruction about anxiety as they're the one who has to make the diagnosis and it can be difficult deciding whether someone has anxiety or real physical illness.
I wonder why you say Anxiety and depression are not so real in so many words. Can assure you that they are, some don't know why, others do. I certainly know what and why mine is and so do others. There are sometimes when some things can't be done to undo these or deal with emotions, without either the help of tabs or removal of the problem.
Sure it is o.k talking to pros in this field or your G.P, but at the end of the day, for want of a better phrase, session has ended, they have done their job and on to the next and so on. The person with the world on their shoulders comes home and is right back to square one, because at the end of it all your just another statistic who has been passed a prescription or given a telephone number of an online help service.
If you have been through these things then you will understand what I am saying, G.P's, pros can just give you a certain amount of time trying and trying so hard to explain yourself in the time you have with them, then it's out of the door and back thinking nobody has listened to me, and then back home you feel absolutely exhausted from trying to explain what is going on, they do not care just give out Nos of organisations supposedly to help or anti depression tabs.
Many people for which I am happy for found your words positive, I too wish it was that simple for your words to be true and maybe are, but for me no, my problems etc., are very real and the tunnel with many a path keep leading down the wrong way, and until I can see for myself a way through, and anyone who can relate to this will know what I mean.
Thank you for making some happy, and some of us query your post, you are lucky to be able to be positive about things.
Evening Spaz119, I am actually in agreement with you, as when asleep nobody can upset you, sometimes it is horrible waking from a lovely dream other times no dreams just blank. Then your awake and another day starts with yet the same things happening over and over and over again. Existing from one day to the next and so on, nothing changes, even the weather may as well stay the same for what I care. I have a disability (registered), with my back and am on numerous meds, including Morphine to help with the pain, also anti depressants and have been since the loss of my mum, 6 years ago, also have to contend with our ASB neighbour, reported to h.a 2 plus years ago, done all necessary even had PCSO's call round twice, tell you what no body gives a damn, and right now would be so easy for both me and my husband to sleep forever, I am 57 just, my husband of 39 years is 64.
This is reality and I also say to Jeff1943 who may or may not read this, what does this book and your text book answers say about how to live with this day in and day out, what use is a book when you need someone to just listen and understand you.
Neither myself nor the book claimed to solve your personal problems. No advice given about dealing with unruly neighbours or medical conditions of physical origin. Try the police or your doctor for a referral to a local pain clinic.
Have been to pain clinic, so know all about that. Police are a complete waste of time from what experience I have had and my G.P is aware of what my life is.
So suggest you go and diagnose someone else, you are becoming much to forward in telling people what to do, and I resent that.
Go write your own book about what you know on mental illness and stop telling people what they should or should not do.
Thank you for your suggestion, but definitely not in the frame of mind for reading any type of book.
Thought this site was to talk to others about how we feel, but have come across Gentleman Jeff and a book of how and what you should do or feel, all that load of hype. Not only that he has made a suggestion who I should be talking to, 45 years experience and think he knows how everyone feels, well nobody knows how each individual feels, especially me.
So suggest that Jeff stops reading and quoting the ins and outs of how people with their state of mind is, and concentrate on his own, and to cross me off his list as I do not want to know about this famous book.
Appears that this is how he has coped with himself it is not for everyone.
tHe site is to move folks along in their desire to heal from the problems of anxiety. none of these forums are set up to be a substitute for calling your mother to bitch and complain without any intention to evolve.
NOT wanting to read a book or try a proven method that might help you feel better and see the benefit to healing what ails you, seems like a child who refuses to have their diaper changed but continues to cry because it's dirty.
Think you mean nappy don't you? and are you yet another who wants people to "heal" themselves by people reading from a book. It may as said before help some people, but not others.
How you get better where ever you are from, well hey that's great, but don't give me that type of reply cos I don't need it from some stranger, or from your "friend" Jeff and your dear books.
Don't you ever dare to mention any ones Mother again, you come over to me as a book pusher like Jeff, I DO NOT WANT TO READ A BOOK. Just because Jeff and you have found solitude in a book does not mean it is for everyone. So suggest that you go and hound someone else with your book theories and just LEAVE ME ALONE. If you haven't got anything worth saying, then keep it shut, people like you make people like me feel worse with your negative replies.
You know nothing, so go look in your BOOK and preach it to someone who might listen. You have obviously got better through ready your books, well great I am pleased for you, books are just not for us all.
Now Just go and leave me alone or will get someone to do it for me.
I am NO troll can assure you and have plenty of other ailments besides this.
You are the one who provoked me into hitting the nail on the head, hurt did it? Like Jeff's comment I purely answered it. We are on here to support each other, or that's what I thought. Do you suffer with Anxiety and Depression? What medication do you take? I am on Venlefaxine to try and give me a "lift", but you have seen to it that I am a Troll, and I resent that. Like I said to Jeff before you barged in on my Post, I was merely commenting on books, and their way of making some people believe they can get better by reading them. I can't, but to all the people with Anxiety & Depression who do read them, hope it helps them.
You should know that people with Anxiety and Depression have good days and really bad, bad, bad days, so bad they want to end their lives, me included, and have tried twice perhaps a third time I will make a good job of it, that should please you.
You didn't mention as to what was wrong with yourself, maybe you can't, took me long enough to summon up the courage.
Now I have shown my true colours, that's how it spelt over here.
Now report me for wanting some help from people I don't know or know me, you have no idea of what real anxiety & depression are like or you would not have been so nasty minded and upset me.
Dr Claire Weekes is an amazing lady who worked tirelessly to help people with nervous illness her books are still widely used today. Jeff also gives his free time on here to help people understand what is happening to them a lot of people are confused when it comes to nervous illness, dont berate someone for being helpful. You dont want help? Then don't post. You sound resentful.
You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink!
Don't need your lecture right now, or your sarcasim.
You like Jeff1943 and that woman's book, good hope it helps you and others, but believe me when you want to kill yourself the last thing you want to do is read a damn book.
You obviously have not wanted to do this so don't read me the riot act. Just go away with your lovely books and leave me alone.
Oh believe you me I have felt like that and nearly succeeded it’s a horrible place to be this is why I suffer now because of the trauma of nearly losing my life. I have felt the depths of despair. You want help people are here to help but I will reiterate what I said previously, don’t have the audacity to condemn people for selflessly giving their time to help others, we have all been or are still in a very dark place. I have to been in a self pity party and it gets you nowhere. You want help it’s here, if not then don’t post, simple as it is.
The reason I say that anxiety is not so real is because it leads us to believe our death is imminent or that we have some terminal disease or we're about to lose our job when that is not true ie not real.
I am not a mental health professional but I will tell you what I have learnt in the past 45 years and I will suggest a method of recovery that works for everyone so long as they are willing to practice with persistence and let time pass.
Some of us inherit a tendency to high anxiety, with others it's a temporary reaction to unacceptable levels of stress. Anxiety is a normal part of life but when it reaches a certain level we experience anxiety overload. At this point our nervous system becomes over sensitised by fear and stress hormones and in this state begins to send us frightening and disturbing thoughts. These include Health Anxiety, Social Anxiety, agoraphobia, claustrophobia and derealisation. We develop symptoms, including panic attacks, chest pain and stomach pain, that leads us to believe we have a serious physical illness.
What causes nervous sensitisation? The usual suspects include over work, disappointment, toxic relationship, loss, grief, money worries etc. Only you know which one applies to you but the first objective is to neutralise the cause even if it involves you taking ruthless measures. If you don't then the stress will continue to keep you in a state of nervous sensitivity.
Even when you have liquidated the original trigger the anxiety disorder can continue as it is self perpetuating. Symptoms cause fear that causes more nervous sensitisation that causes more symptoms that cause more fear that cause more nervous sensitisation in a never ending vicious cycle.
To recover you have to break the vicious circle: to do this you have to stop fighting your symptoms. Fighting only causes more stress and tension which makes things worse. Ask yourself: has fighting helped me recover? Of course it hasn't.
Instead of fighting you must accept all your symptoms for the time being. You must agree to coexist with your symptoms for the moment and do nothing. Let the bad feelings come, do not resist them. Do not follow the flash of first fear with second fear. You know very well that anxiety is a toothless paper tiger, can't kill you or disable you, so why frighten yourself half to death every time it makes itself known.
This isn't easy, to begin with you may only be able to 'glimpse' acceptance for a few seconds or part of a minute. You can build on this with practice. As time passes we stop flooding our nervous system with fear and stress hormones: the substances that keep nervous sensitisation alive.
What you are doing is treating the cause of the symptoms not the symptoms. You cannot cure yourself of an illness you don't have no matter how hard you try.
Most people with anxiety get depressed about having anxiety. Depression is a symptom of nervous and mental exhaustion. When your nervous system returns to normal it too will yield.
Many years ago a young Australian psychiatrist experienced an anxiety breakdown. She developed the method based on Acceptance with which she cured herself. She spent the rest of her life using her method to heal others by consultations, self help books, tv appearances and lectures.
Her first book which describes her method is titled 'Self help for your nerves' in the U.K. whilst the same book is titled 'Hope and help for your nerves' in the U.S. The author is Claire Weekes and her book is available new or used from Amazon.
In recent years alone 1,600 Amazon readers have reviewed all her books and 90% of them found her method Very Good or Excellent.
I was lucky. When I had my first and only panic attack in 1974 I found on my mother's bookshelf a copy of...'Self help for your nerves'.
Know people like what you have said about this book, but my sincere apologies for thinking it is just what you have read and written down here straight from this book, are you on commission by trying to sell this by any chance? Won't be buying it myself as you have quoted most of it on here, sorry but they are just words written cleverly.
I understand your commitment, to Clair Weekes Philosophy .
Some people don't understand the value in being a purest, or classical student of one methode that has been proven to work for many .
It's never a good idea to defend yourself To anyone who fights for their right to remain stuck.
Personally, anxiety is real for me and it is always and ONLY brought on by a thought or belief that I've been programmed to believe, is scary, dangerous, or That I will get into trouble and get punished for taking that action.
I have been imprinted to view situations, events, or people, to, not be safe, to be insulting, harmful, and or embarrassing .
So my thought always creates the adrenaline drop, and off goes my anxiety and physical symptoms .
Your steadfast commitment to Dr. Weekes method, called me to employ her methods to manage the physical symptoms that sidetrack me into oblivion and derail my life by assuming that anxiety attacks are"real". YES of course the attacks are REAL, however unnecessary based on the reality of the situation.
I can well understand that we are programmed to react with anxiety/fear in situations that have proved negative in the past. That's something that's within our interests for self survival. In some people, such as yourself maybe, this phenomenon can be so accentuated that it becomes a problem.
When I say the symptoms of high anxiety are unreal I have the following in mind for example: somebody experiences tunnel vision (a known symptom of anxiety) but if examined by an opthalmic specialist no changes can be seen on the retina. It's the nervous system playing up. Whereas if somebody had tunnel vision due to a real physical cause such as glaucoma changes in the periphery of the retina would be observable. In the latter case that, in my opinion, is real physical illness. The same symptom brought on by anxiety disorder I would call not a real physical illness.
Jeff1943, You have clearly misunderstood my post, with respect I purely asked this question as you seem to know or think you know, how someones mind works, and for what I have read sounds like you are reading from this person's book. I asked if you were on commission because what you have posted appears like something straight from a book. It could of been any book and not this one.
Would you please not tar every person with the same brush, we are all different and all have depression, anxiety and mental problems. So if you re-read my post properly you will see.
You said I was making allegations and undermining your integrity, this resented because all you have appeared to do is mention this person and her book. Not all of us are bothered about reading, or doing anything. When you have these problems answers like yours to me, can do more damage.
I was merely making a comment, do not be so clever in your answers.
Being 'clever' is not considered as something to avoid but something to aim for where I came from. Quite rightly it is strictly against the rules of this forum to engage in any form of selling and your 'suggestion' that I receive commission from the book I recommended could have had me banned from this site. This is why I had to strongly refute your 'suggestion'.
What I write here is my own words based on what I understand Doctor Weekes suggested and my own experience of anxiety over 45 years, I do not just take text from books written by others and copy them here.
I am sorry that you are so unwell but cannot just let your mistruths about me go unanswered.
You may well have had this problem for 45 years and do not want to disrespect my elders, I am 57 so no silly teenager.
If you have had this problem for 45 years and you recommend this book, then why have you still got this problem? This book can not be that good or you would be better, and from what you "quote" from it, can see nothing in it to help. Lots on here can and so it helps some but not everyone.
The way you have quoted things that have helped you, or have they? If they have helped you then why are you still on this site, I ask because help and advice possibly from others maybe of help to me, but as you read my post wrong about "the book and how good it is", I feel that you seem to know everything there is about anxiety and depression, you have had it for 45 years and is very sad.
I still stand by what my post said, because of the way it was posted by you, chapter and verse, almost as if it came out of this person's book.
Anxiety and depression are serious, each and every one of us are like it for some reason or another, and it is good that people on here have taken some comfort in what you have said. As you are aware I haven't but you can't please everyone.
As I explained to you here a day ago my anxiety is an inherited problem. My mother had it and various ancestors going back to Victorian times when it was called neurasthenia. I believe over a third of people with anxiety disorder inherit it, maybe more, for the rest it is a temporary reaction and once treated they will be completely free of it.
So I will never be completely free of it but using the understanding, reassurance and acceptance technique of Doctor Weekes I am able to keep the symptoms to a minimum and there are long periods when I am completely free of it.
That is why despite being familiar with Weekes' book(s) I still get occasional visitations and always will. It's in the genes.
Why do I stay around on this forum if 'cured', you ask? The answer is simple: I know a method that can bring respite and recovery to everybody willing to persevere and I want other people to know of the possibility. Not as you inferred to make money by selling books.
Of course Weekes' method is not the only way: medications can bring respite and good therapists and psychiatrists can bring about recovery too.
I am surprised by you are so critical and hostile towards a book you have never read. My few paragraphs of explanation (written in my own words not cut and pasted from the book as you suggest) can never do justice to a method that continues to restore the quiet minds of so many after more than fifty years.
As said it was just a question asked in my initial post, so "the book" worked for you and others. For this I am pleased.
I do not for one minute believe anxiety/stress is inherited, it is what life throws at you that causes it and only that person can help themselves, drugs from their G.P or both.
Great, pleased that you do hang around here and make some people smile, with the words you speak, but what happens after they go off here and talk/see nobody, or go out for the rest of the time?
Know for sure you will not find me reading anything like it but that's me.
It would now be helpful if I can try and see if there is anything that may be of help here.
O.k., but no I don't just copy text from a book and I don't restrict my postings solely to Doctor Weekes' method as described in her first book written in the 1960s. Her method has brought considerable relief to me over the years and to others who have posted here, I will never be entirely free of anxiety myself because it is inherited but I am free from it 95%+ of the time. When you come across something that you believe can help others besides yourself with anxiety disorder it is only natural to share the knowledge and experience. People can make their own minds up whether they look into it and there are other alternative methods to help such as medication, therapy and other self-help books.
You're exactly right. Powerful words and much appreciated. Thank you. Imagine however that same scenario and actually being diagnosed with advanced cancer. You're not paranoid if something is really out to get you, right? LOL
Jeff, Dr. Weekes literally saved my daughter. At age 9 the panic attacks started and by age 14 she was suicidal, cutting, headed down an eating disorder path, agoraphobic, profoundly depressed, and in total despair. She went to residential care and started the long, arduous process of learning how her mind works. Where Dr. Weekes comes in: Being a teen, my daughter was resistant to this little old lady's antiquated words, but I would send her snippets of Dr. Weekes' work whenever she was extremely vulnerable, and desperate for something soothing. And because my daughter's current outpatient therapist is familiar with the material, he provided Dr. Weekes' recovery construct as well. I believe my daughter listened to Dr. Weekes' "Peace From Nervous Suffering" audio maybe twice. I caught her listening to parts of it a couple of times. It would have been uncool for her to admit it to me that it was helpful, so I'm not sure how far she really got. I found some earmarks in the copy of "Hope and Help for your Nerves" that I gave her. Mostly, her therapists gave her resources that took directly from Dr. Weekes' work but spoke better to teens. I have many of these listed on my profile. In this way, she slowly, slowly, slowly recovered. Yes, she still has anxiety and yes she still has panic attacks. But of course once you understand so thoroughly how the anxious mind works, these become "Nothing". My daughter, now almost 17, knows it is all a trick of the mind. She knows she has an 8-cylinder, constantly revving Porsche up there. But she's learned how to drive it. She knows her anxiety is going to yell and scream about anything and everything. No more bewilderment, no more profound confusion, no more despair. She filters out her anxious thoughts and discards them, carrying on despite them- which of course "shows" anxiety it doesn't get to run the show. Yes, life will throw my daughter difficulties, problems, suffering and loss. Of course. However, she is now aware that she can cope. She is aware that all she has is this moment in time, and that it's up to her to make the most of it. She practices mindfulness. She listens to Alan Watts (her favorite philosopher). She is a mentor to others and she is my hero. She wants to study psychology in college! I believe my daughter's recovery would not have been possible without Dr. Weekes' work. Dr. Weekes was truly a genius, a pioneer, and so incredibly ahead of her time. As I've read so many other materials related to anxiety recovery, I can see how much she's influenced the other experts. Some experts cite her in their references, in fact. As far as I can tell, Dr. Weekes was really the first to develop and best explain the construct and the approach that works so well. As far as I can tell, she was the first to so thoroughly understand this thing called "Anxiety" and all of its offshoots. I will forever be indebted to her.
Calm_mama, I am greatly moved by the story contained in your post and thank you so much for taking the trouble to write in depth about your daughter and the progress she has made. It stands as an example of what can be achieved to everyone who reads it.
I think your daughter was very lucky to have you as her mother gently familiarising her with Claire Weekes' teachings, not pushing too hard and letting her take on board Weekes' wise words at her own pace.
I know what you mean by 'this little old lady's antiquated words from a bygone age', it was a different world back then when women stayed home with the kids and did all the homely chores and hubby went out to work to bring back the bacon before returning to put on his slippers, sit by the fire and smoke his pipe. I'm old enough to remember those days.
But in another context, given the choice of reading the King James Bible which reads like poetry or one of the modern contemporary bible versions the old version wins hands down IMO.
I hope your daughter continues her progress, she is still young and what she learns now will be imprinted on her psyche for life. It must have been very difficult for you at times but love, determination and staying power overcome all.
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