Ready to give up: Hello, I was unsure... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Ready to give up

Hello, I was unsure of posting on here as its my first time. I struggle with depression every day, I have done for as long as I can remember. I've had a pretty Shit childhood tbf, been abused when I was 8, my dad going in and out of prison, my dad beating my mum up, a family that don't really care and both parents were alcoholics growing up and stepdad. Bullied all through junior and secondary school for my appearance and family issues, watching my dad take drugs as a kid, my brother nearly died from a stroke aged 20, all my friends have abandoned me. I have no-one who understands. I have a 4 year old son who keeps me going but I don't know how long I can keep living like this, I cannot get over my past, it haunts me everyday. Anyone else in a similar situation, struggling to cope with a traumatic childhood?

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Hi

I really feel for you as you have so much on your plate. I have GAD and did have childhood issues. Do message me a time.

Kim

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Thank you for replying, I really appreciate the support as I have nobody to support me through this

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Hi, you'll find plenty of people on here like you and its a very supportive community. :) x

Is there anything in particular has made you seek help at this particular time ?

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Thank you for taking time out to reply to me. Recently, I've been feeling a lot worse, having a lot of not very nice thoughts, it all reflects back to my past. I just can't seem to get over how mistreated I was as a child, Its like I crave a normal childhood if that makes any sense? I've just been feeling really low and the doctors won't listen to me, just keep fobbing me off on tablets and I'm on a waiting list for counselling, I just feel like nobody cares and nothing's going to help or make me better

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It's very very difficult I know when we don't have the right "foundations" in order to function properly. It isn't our fault and that is important to know. However as and when we are ready there are things that we can do about it and things that can change these patterns and these feelings bit by bit.

I have found an article which I will give the link to which I have found useful. It doesn't apply directly to your situation but it applies indirectly to most of us on here. That is that many of us did not have stable starts in life and we are now suffering from the consequences of what they now call a "dsyregulated stress response" This basically covers depression, anxiety , CPTSD ie many of the mental health problems we experience. The article gives good sound advice.

It talks about what babies and children need but I always think that those of us with mental health problems ARE babies and children in a way because AS babies and children we didn't have those healthy things and so we're locked in still needing these things.

So when I read the article I view it like that . I am 60 but I still need the things it mentioned as I didn't get them and I am developmentally delayed.

So it says for example that we need "multiple caregivers" in order to heal.

Well you could look at that from the point of view that on this forum you have multiple care givers; we all support each other. There is "group care".

It says we need stable supportive adults. We can find them at school, college, church , workplace ( "replacement parents etc) What I mean is people you know to be stable. Make sure you try and make a connection with them. The ideal is to find a stable partner. This can literally save some people but if you don't find that maybe a counsellor or anyone who you know is robust and who has your interests at heart.

I will post up the link incase it helps. I know how hard it is. We will try and support as much as we can.

Here's the link

nbcnews.com/better/wellness...

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Hi

I found your reply and related article really interesting and helpful.

Thanks.

Kim

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Also remember depression is a normal response to the childhood you had. See my post I have just put up about this. Gemma

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Thank you so much for that post you shared, it actually made me cry. It's made me have such a better understanding that maybe I'm not crazy after all. It has built in to my personality, definitely, I don't even know who I am anymore, I've lost all sense of who I used to be and hopefully one day, I'll find her again

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First let me say you trials and feelings are valid and important. I was once only alive for my 3 small children. Now I keep going for each of the grandkids they’ve given me. Everything is impermanent. Nothing stays the same. Your past is not good but your future can be a whole new person. Make up a life. Find people who want to be your family. Not a lot of mine are DNA related. You have a reason and a chance to win. Look for a change even small things. It makes it easier to find the big things. You have us now and this is a great group of people.

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Thank you, I do think about the future and how I can change it. I really want to be a carer, I adore the elderly and I love just sitting and chatting with them and I want to make a difference to people's lives. I have so much love and care to give but that's why it makes it that much harder to understand why people struggled to love me, why I don't have any true friends, why I was bullied all through my life. My self esteem is shattered, I can't make friends because I just feel like they'll end up abandoning me or abusing my trust like everyone else has, I just don't trust anyone anymore

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I’m 55. I didn’t have friends while working on my career and raising 3 kids by myself. You can do what you want and guess what? Your self-esteem will grow. I’m almost.....I am arrogant now. The more I gave to others and made each persons day better the more I could hold myself accountable to only me. Later in my career I had a boss question my professionalism from a rumor. I could look her in the eye and say no one questions my work ethic, my enjoyment in helping people and saving lives, or my professionalism and making ppl smile. She was quiet after that. To help others is the highest honor you can do and it will fill you to bursting will wisdom, love, and friends. We earn love and friendship as ppl earn us. Action is the way to it. It’s remarkable that you want to help others. This will get you more than you need in life. Total fulfillment. You’ll be wonderful.

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I'm so glad your self esteem has grown and guess what? You should be arrogant, you've done amazing with your life and I'm so glad that you're doing such a fulfilling career and helping people, we need more people like you in this world

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I just want to start saying that I'm very sorry for everything you went through in your life, no child should ever feel this type of terror in their life time. You remind me a lot to one of my best friends. She had a very crappy childhood and plenty toxic relationships because she never knew what love really was and she desperately craved for it. She has 2 kids and she tells me a lot that they are the only reason why she is still alive. Because she never knew what real love was, she doesn't recognize when people love and care for her. All her friends and coworkers adores her, including myself, and she still doesnt feel that caring and love is genuine and she keeps attracting what is known for her...toxicity from others. Dont let that happen to you, you have been hurt and kicked before and that didnt kill you, understand that even though you didnt have a good experience, there are people willing to love you and care for you. Dont be afraid of get out and meet people, if you have that need to help and love others, it might be a good idea to volunteer and give that love that wasnt give it to you before. Life gets better, believe me!!

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Thank you, is your friend on this forum, I'd love to speak to her as she does sound a lot like me. I want to work with the elderly and make sure they're not lonely and they're well looked after and cared for

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Unfortunately she doesn't. It's not easy to help someone that doesn't want to be helped. I still will love her and support here because that is what friends do. I just hope one day she reach out for help... but you did and that is your first step.

Good luck

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Thank you

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Thank you so much all of you, I'm so happy I posted. You have no idea how much it means to me that you've all took times out of your day to reply and help me with my struggles, you really are amazing people and I hope like me, this group gives you all the support you need. I'm always here if any of you need to talk and I know its vice versa. A song that always makes me feel better is a reason to fight by disturbed, its such an inspirational song. Getting over the past is so hard, I'm 23 years old and I just can't seem to get over it, I just feel so lost and empty, like you've both said, I do still feel like a child. I need constant reassurance and my bf doesn't seem to understand my illness, he doesn't want to either and it makes it so difficult because when I'm having a bad episode, all I want is for him to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay but he's put up with this for 5 years now and he's starting to get annoyed at the fact I'm no closer to getting better

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hi you've been through so much for someone still pretty young.have a couple of things in common sadly but rather than forgiving or forgetting we find a way to live with difficult circumstances.maybe you could book a session with a therapist and take your partner along to see how you have been affected from your past.

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Thank you. I have a telephone appointment for counselling but I'm still waiting for that. I have tried to bring him along with me, I've tried talking to him about it, sending him links, giving him leaflets, but he's just not interested. He thinks depression is a myth and he told me the other day that I'm doing it for attention and there's no point me living because there's no life in me anymore. He's apologised since and bought me flowers but its not the point, I just really want him to understand. He saved me from my past and gave me a future, a beautiful baby boy but he doesn't understand that its still going to affect me and it could take a really really long time for me to get better. It is a lot to go through at such a young age and that's why I feel like nothing can get better only worse. I don't trust anyone or anything and any slight chance of happiness scares me as I just feel like its going to get taken away from me

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glad to hear that he said sorry that's very hurtful to someone who needs support.you need folk around you generating positivity.things will improve with hard work and determination hopefully.my boys get me through tough days im sure you are the same precious days with our kids really help.

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When you've had it for so long though, its really hard to find the motivation to work hard, I've had it on and off for years, struggling to battle it myself, and now I've realised I can't do it on my own and I need to get better for my little boy

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But you are closer to getting better. There’s no time frame on mourning a lost childhood. You’re in mourning my dear. Look at the things that were taken from you. You need to feel that and mourn them and say goodbye to them. Then you move on but you can’t put time limits on it. I’m sending you big hugs and love to fill a tiny hole to start the process. You’re welcome to message me. I’m off and on all day. Love yourself as the beautiful survivor you are. 💛

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Have you got any suggestions how you say goodbye to them? How do you go about moving on as its all I want. I should be happy, I've got a beautiful healthy son, an amazing fiance, a roof over my head, a career to look forward to when my son starts reception and I just want to be happy. Thank you so much for your kind words, you've been so helpful for me tonight, you also are a beautiful survivor and if its okay with you I would like to carry on messaging you, especially on my dark days as you've been brilliant, thank you. You've actually shone a little hope for me today and I think with the help of this group and amazing people like you, I could really start to get better

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Of course it’s okay. It’s important to know the stages of mourning but what I do/did a lot of is writing on a small paper while crying real hard what hurts my heart. I go outside and burn it. I watch the ashes of that memory fly away in the wind. I say goodbye to it. There are some I have to do over and over again but eventually they fly away for good. I also decided anything in my head that was negative was not me. It’s not you. Give it a name. My negativity is named Pete. I tell Pete to shut up out loud. Pete is an idiot. He has no idea what he’s talking about. Pete is an emotional tumor who gets smaller every time he opens his fat stupid mouth because I’m mean to him. I douse him with my positive. He can’t live like that. I don’t know a Pete in real life so that works out well. I’m starving Pete. I won’t feed him negative stuff. That’s just a few small things I do on my own. Btw, I was told no one would want me and I’d never get a job. I’ve worked my way up to Neuroscientist and I stopped counting at 11 marriage proposals. I’m working on my PhD now. No one can stop the real you. Opinions are like arm pits. Everybody has two.

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That actually made me smile, I really like the idea of giving it a name as it should be named, it really does have a voice, its just really hard to shut it up some days. Wow, that is incredible what you've achieved, you should be really proud and to whoever said nobody would ever want you, that's ridiculous. 11 marriage proposals!!!! You've done well 😊 and you're definitely wanted on this group, you've really given me some positivity tonight, thank you so much for helping me in my time in need

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You are very welcome. Look what you’ve started in your life. It’s so exciting💪💛

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I've just thought, I could think of my past like an old painting I've drew. I've drawn it all wrong and for years I've been going back to this painting, wondering where I've gone wrong and trying to correct it and realise its time to rip that page off and start a new blank canvas, draw a new picture, and if I mess up, realise I'm only human and keep ripping the pages off until I draw a perfect picture. It's so hard to not keep going back though, I'm sick of feeling like a scared abandoned child, unloved, unwanted, just craving the attention I deserve

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And that’s where giving love and time to others will fill the holes. You’re never empty when you make someone else’s day better because YOU did it. Your skill and personality gave life meaning. It’s a wonderful feeling. You’ll leave that junk behind. You’ll be filled with today’s love.

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I really hope so. Whenever I think of working with the elderly, I get butterflies. Just thinking about all the lives I'll be helping, making their day better, making sure they're not lonely and they're listened to. I just know it'll give my life some meaning as currently I don't have a purpose, I don't know my sense of existing, my identity, its like I'm living another person's life all the time, nothing seems real

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I worked in some form of healthcare for 30 years. I’m still doing it really as I write research. It got me though. When they made me stop because of my health I was very empty. So I suggest you make your life bigger than the career. We have to have Plan A and Plan B but get Plan A rolling strong first. (Saving old dogs became my Plan B.)

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Thank you, I didn't think of that. I currently don't have a plan B but I will have a good think about it

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I had a traumatic childhood with parents who didn't care and a brother that sexually molested us. I have come out okay. I have a family and a career but I have struggled with mental illness, hospitalizations and drug and alcohol abuse. I am coming out of all that but it's been a real tough road. I just try to see the positivity in life and look at my daughter for hope and happiness. Don't give up. You can overcome any situation.

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I'm so sorry that's happened to you, that's awful. I'm always here if you need a chat!!! I'm really happy to hear that you're coming out of it, I can imagine it to have been really hard but you should also be so proud of what you've achieved. We're all survivors here and with the support of others, like the amazing people in this group (including yourself) we can all make this journey together and realise we are not alone

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You ever see a scary movie or have a bad dream and it messes with you all day, sometimes even more? All that trauma in your life is not something you can just "get over." The good news is that you want to get better and you're seeking out help. This is huge! Please do not take it for granted. Wanting to get better is the first step in getting better. Asking for help is the second. I hope you find the support you need.

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Thank you. Everyone in this group is incredible, the support I've had off of strangers is more than I've ever had off anyone in my life, not even my family have tried to help me. I like the metaphor you've used, I've never heard that one before but it is completely true, I just hope one day I can look back and be proud that I survived depression and I didn't die a victim of it

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I really dislike the ‘get over it’ thing. I’m not supposed to ‘get over’ my deep happy emotions and events why would my brain just ‘get over’ other emotional events? There’s no such thing. It doesn’t exist. One must incorporate it and get coping skills. Are people requesting I get partial lobotomy’s for the bad memory’s? Nonsense.

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I totally agree. People who say "get over it" have no idea how our brain becomes our worst enemy. It's not like there's a switch, you can't just turn off thoughts and feelings. Most people don't think of depression as an illness, they thinks its a choice and I'd love for them to spend the day in my shoes and see if its a choice and I could just get over it. Depression needs to stop being such a taboo subject, there needs to be more awareness, more help, more support and it needs to be more educated because some people can be so small minded, it'd be different if we was showing physical symptoms, nobody can know how it feels until they've had it themselves

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Oh please don’t give up! There is so much more joy to be had and so much more love than you can comprehend waiting for you. I am praying for you as I type this, understanding the overwhelming pain that you feel, but knowing the healing that awaits. Hold on...please!

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Thank you, I just wish there was a magic spell that could make the process quicker. It's so tiring, so lonely, I have no support whatsoever and its really hard. Having all this baggage at the age of 23 really takes its toll

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Okay you really need to get some therapy I start dealing with your childhood trauma immediately because you have a life to live in the Sun that needs you you don't get to quit so get quitting out of your vocabulary and toughen up and get some help, , you were definitely dealt a bad hand but that there's no indication of your own value and worth as a human being God loves you your son loves you and you can make a beautiful future for yourself if you just don't quit I have a long history of depression over 20 years I was abused my mother left I mean I have a story to but let me tell you something ain't no one in this world going to make me quit screw them seriously please get therapy and if you're not on medication get on medication and then work and finding some support get involved in the church do some volunteer work I know it sounds hard but do it anyways you're welcome to text me I'm just a mother that lives in Florida a single mother of two 954 761 6838 U of a four-year-old he keeps you going you're not going to quit because of him you're not going to quit do you want that to be your legacy to your little boy know you don't I'm available by text anytime and it's completely private make today the day you get up and say I'm not going to quit no matter what and you survived this long you're going to get past survival you're going to put your past to rest and you're going to move on life is waiting for you honey

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Thank you, I'm not strong enough to just "toughen up" I have no help or support off anyone. I've just started taking Mertazipine, I've already tried Sertraline and Fluoxetine and none of those worked, I had something else but I can't remember what it was called. I'm currently waiting for a therapist, I've already had 2 in the past that didn't help, I am trying my hardest and its a real struggle everyday

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I'm sorry if it came off like I was trying to tell you to toughen up just afraid that you were going down a darker Road and I don't obviously want to see that happened to you I was just trying to encourage you to hang on no matter what

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When I was pregnant two years ago I became treatment-resistant to depression anxiety unbelievably difficult but I got through it every day wondering how the heck am I going to take care of a baby when I'm a mess all the while fighting this War depression and anxiety I literally had to tell myself everyday so that I didn't give up that im going to make it I'm going to make it I said it over and over and over and over again sometimes in life you have to believe in spite of the way you feel and that's really hard but it can be done just hang on hang on and hang on and hang on you will find relief I pray you find the right medication for you and that you begin to heal from all this trauma

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I feel for you. Many of us have suffered childhood abuse. You are not alone here. We open up and support one another here. I am 56 years old. I was abused as a child as well. My father who was married to my loving and wonderful mother was not an alcoholic nor drug user. He came from a violent family and became like them. I was 5-11 when a lot of abuse was done to me by dad. My parents were married 40 years. My mother and 3 siblings suffered by the hands of this evil man too. I became ill with Anorexia at 14. I had this illness as a result of trauma from abuse. Forty years I was ill. I checked myself into treatment 6 and a half years ago. I have recently recovered and will continue to recover each day. I now realize that I suffer from PTSD. I had repressed every memory of my childhood for 50 years. Now in the last three years I begin to recall. My mind was healing. I will not let the abuser win. I will not let my past define who I am. I am a survivor and so are you. No matter we can not change our past. We can stand up and see the beauty in ourselves. We find our self-worth. We never are defeated by the past nor the mind. We are human like all creatures on this earth. We are no different because of abuse. We were helpless and innocent victims we were children. You suffer from PTSD I am sure. I am not doctor just been there myself. I wake up daily and thankful to be alive. Recovering from the most fatal mental illness, Anorexia is not a walk in the park. It can be done. I did it through years of therapy and 75mg of Zoloft. I still continue treatment every 3 months. I will say that talking is the best medication in the world for healing from PTSD. We understand that we have our issues because of past. We see that so many walked in a path like ours. We become friends through sharing and listening. This is the best medication invented. You hang in there. You can chat with me anytime. I am doing great with healing from my past. I know you can too. DO NOT LET THE PAST DEFINE WHO YOU ARE NOW. DO NOT LET THE ABUSER WIN BY KEEPING YOU DEPRESSED. DO NOT ALLOW THE PAST TO KEEP YOU FROM LIVING THE LIFE YOU WANT. I AM 56 BUT IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO START A NEW LIFE FOR OURSELF. I WAS ONCE IN PRISON WITHIN MYSELF. FIFTY YEARS OF PRISON AND NEVER WAS A CRIMINAL. THE DAY THAT I SOUGHT TREATMENT WITH A THERAPIST AND MENTAL DOCTOR. THAT WAS THE DAY I WALKED THROUGH THE PRISON GATED AND HEARD THAT SHUT BEHIND ME. I WAS FREE. NOT EASY BUT I AM FINALLY FREE.

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Thank you so much, I am so happy to hear that you're doing okay now, you should be so proud of yourself!!! I really hope one day I can say the same, this past week I've taken a massive turn for the worst, I don't know if its because I've just started Mirtazapine, people don't understand how it feels to drag your past with you wherever you to, its tiring, its lonely and its really damaging

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Thank you. You will get there too. Believe in yourself. I know exactly how you feel that our past is like dragging a thousand- pound weight. It is heavy and lonely and sucks. That was me for forty plus years. I am no way perfect and never want to be. Not one human is. I know how damaging our past abuse makes us feel. I was told by a doctor that I was damaged goods. Friends said no you are not. I think the abuse damages us to a certain degree. I wrote a book and give to anyone who needs a copy. I am not out for money. My goal is to help anyone battle life issues and recover. I say this. I was once a broken glass like a window pane. I have pieced all the broken pieces together. I am now a solid glass with scares like the glass will always have after pieced together. I am no longer broken inside nor out. Recovery has given me this life that I now have. When I began treatment 6 and a half years ago. I was skin and bones with years of Anorexia. I stood at the facilities at the secretary's desk. I had never been inside this building and knew no one. I was scared to death. I had just enough breath to talk. That is how sick I was. I cried for help. I was seen that day. My therapist, they gave me. I still see her when I need to. I love her so much. Life is what she gave me. I know that she directed me in the path to recovery. I realize it takes a fighter such as you and I to survive abuse PTSD. We each one can learn to be real soldiers and can each one become survivors and no longer a victim of our past. You, honey, make the step to not let your past cause you to remain a victim. Set your mind to live each day and be happy. Freedom will come. We will always have our memories of the past. We can survive daily by knowing we were victims and it was never our fault. We are strong and good soldiers. Live for yourself. Do not let the abuser win. Winning by us remaining drug down and carrying that heavy load. Keeping us from the live we want. It will be a daily process for the rest of my life. I am free now at 56. This is the first time ever to be truly happy. It is my happiness and yes I do deserve it. Thank you for that. You deserve it as well. You chat anytime with me. You can and will do this for yourself. Overcome the past and live happily. Love you and go girl.

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Thank you so much, I'm so happy that you've survived this battle and its so lovely that you spend your time helping other like me, you have no idea how much I appreciate it. Yes, I will definitely carry on talking to you as I can't do this myself, I need all the support i can get

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Hi, coming on here will be a right move for you, the people on here are amazing and very supportive. I’ve found reaching out to strangers who have similar experiences and life difficulties can be very comforting . Keep your chin up and remember there are always people out there willing to listen x

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Thank you, I really hope so. I just wish the past didn't stick with you as much as it does. Everyone just keeps telling me to get over it but its not that simple and its not my fault

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It really isn’t that easily to move on, I have little things in comparison to your childhood things and they still niggle me!

Have you had counselling?

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I've tried twice with no luck, I'm currently waiting for my third

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I think it will help, sometimes it’s just finding the right one!

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I have to say I have not read with care everything that has been written so far and I should have done as you deserve that but I am pressed for time. I just want to suggest that you stop thinking of yourself as uninvited and give some thought to the idea that maybe your parents and other childhood influencers did there best. I am not saying it was good enough as clearly you deserve better but they were the ones who were lacking and not you. Good luck to an invited guest, you.

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Thank you but they really didn't try their best, my mum has 6 other children and I'm the only one who never got any attention. I don't know if it was because I was the only girl at home or if it was because I was the only one who never caused any trouble for them but I was failed drastically by both parents

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I called myself uninvited guest as its a disturbed song. Listening to the band disturbed really helps me get through bad days, especially a reason to fight

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I am so sorry that you are having to cope with these feelings. I still recall the feeling of elation when I passed my driving test. It felt like for the first time in my life that I was being given as many rights as any one else. And the other day I wrote a list of the times in my life when I had been accepted by others and was pleasantly surprised by the result. A social worker once wrote that my mother seemed to enjoy seeing me suffer. My father would say one thing but do another so I felt very alone and unloved. I really hope you find your way soon.

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Thanknyou

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Hi

I have just read this thread through and can see that most of the things I may have said have been covered by others.

As you will see you are certainly not alone, so many people have been through similar experiences to yourself. I did not suffer as a child anything like the extent you and others have done but have still been left with the legacy of what I did go through.

There were just a few things not covered I wanted to say. Sorry in advance as this will probably be long.

First of all you are doing brilliantly to cope as well as you are. It is very likely you will feel worse if you have just gone onto antidepressants. Most people feel worse before they feel better and this can go on for a few weeks but if you stick with them they can be real life savers. They gave me my life back when I was nearly suicidal. I wrote a reply to lucky a day or so ago to a post about which antidepressant people had found helpful and I put alot of detail about how antidepressants can make you feel at first etc, you may find it helpful to read. Mine was different to the one you are taking but most of the information is the same or similar. It is just so important to stick with them to get the long term benefit but it can be really hard. Many people start by trying one or two and thinking they are not working for them but it is likely to be that they have not given them long enough.

The second thing I wanted to say when you say you are feeling bad about yourself etc, which is very natural feeling given your childhood experiences, is that in my view you are doing the most important job that exists and that is bringing up your son.

Try to value and enjoy that as much as you can. It is so important for his future.

I am sure you are a really great mum so I will apologize in advance if you are aware of all the things I am going to say about parenting. It is a hobby horse for me because of the career I have recently retired from.

Just enjoy the little things like reading to him or making a cake together or playing together in the park. These are the sort of things that are important to kids not going to expensive theme parks etc. My daughter always loved feeding ducks on the pond, dressing up and making dens with me joining in, having a friend over to tea and having a story at bedtime. Singing songs together, having fun in the bath, the list is endless. You are really lucky to have a lovely little boy. It can also be really hard to enjoy these things with your child when you had a difficult experience of being parented yourself. I believe you said that you were the one who was rejected and your brothers were not. This as well as the other traumatic experiences will have had a profound impact on you and I really feel for you. If parenting is difficult try not to feel guilty, but practice by doing all the fun things anyway and realise how much they will benefit your son even if you do not find it easy to enjoy it all. Look for the things you do both enjoy and do those as much as you can.

Do not be afraid to seek professional help with parenting difficulties either, it is really normal to have some difficulty, being a good parent is a very skilled and at times challenging role. There may be a Children's Centre or parent group in your area or you could look it up online.

Finally I really understand how hurtful it is not to be understood by your partner or friends and family when you have depression or anxiety. Most other people do seem to find it impossible to understand so we should try not to take this personally. I felt, and still at times feel the same as you about my husband. But gradually I came to realise he was never going to understand properly and to value the ways in which he is great. This included all the little things he does for me etc. This is not to suggest putting up with a really poor or abusive relationship. You will know whether or not he has other ways he is showing his love and if he is a great dad to your little boy which is so important.

I try to help mine understand more by being really positive with him when he is able to show some understanding. I realise with my partner that I have always be the strong one in the relationship and when I became ill it made him very anxious and it came out as anger and as if he did not care. In a way we have to try to help our partners and friends to understand.

I feel really sorry to feel you have not got friends. As others have said, starting to try to help others such as volunteering with older people which will bring you friendship. You will be working with people who will feel more lonely than yourself and you will feel good that you have been able to help them.

However guard against taking on to much as getting over tired will add to feelings of depression and anxiety. You already have a very important job to do being the best parent you can for your son. Try to do lots of physical things with him such as go running together in the park, adventures exploring your area to find new things to do together, when he is old enough cycle with him, go swimming with him etc etc.

All the physical excercise will stimulate feel good chemicals in your body which will fight your depression and he will love it and be tired and calmer when he gets home.

I recovered really well from anxiety and depression which developed 2 years ago following 2 life traumas and I really want to help those still suffering. Antidepressants were a really big support for me and also a programme of activities I developed for myself was really invaluable and I would be happy to share more about this with you if you think it could help. I am pleased you are also awaiting some counselling as this should also be very helpful.

My very best wishes, I am sure you will get there. Do message me if you feel it would be helpful to hear more, or if you wish to keep in touch for support on a day to day basis. I will pick up messages as soon as I can.

Kim

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Thank you so much for your support, ever since I posted on this group, its made my trust go up a lot more. Having strangers actually care for me feels amazing and people who actually understand what I'm going through. What kind of activities helped you?

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It would be a bit too long and detailed to do as a reply, send me a message if you are really interested and I will reply to that.

Very best wishes.

Kim

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