Where do I go from here?: My boyfriend... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Where do I go from here?

innuendo26
innuendo26

My boyfriend who has constantly cheated on me has done it again. At the beginning of 2018 I allowed him to stay with me and he would have sex with people in the house while I was gone or at work. I forgave him over and over and I finally thought we’d gotten to a good place at the beginning of this year when it was time to sign a new lease. Well, we moved and signed a new lease and guess what? He did the same thing. I don’t know why I’m so worthless and allow him to treat me this way. We got into an argument and he told me he wants to be single. After that, we talked about space and trying to make things work. I found a hickey on his neck today and he told me that I shouldn’t worry about it and that he’s single he can see other people, yet he doesn’t want to move out and we should sleep in separate rooms. I asked him to leave and he says he isn’t going to. While I know I can’t make him leave I feel as though he’s the one doing wrong I shouldn’t have to uproot myself just because he doesn’t want to go. I don’t have anywhere to go right now and I don’t have enough funds at the moment to get into another lease. It would at least be a month for now. I feel sick just thinking about it and I don’t know what to do. I’m trying my best to talk myself out of drinking. I just don’t know. I really wish I would’ve been strong enough to move on sooner than now. I feel stupid still loving him after all this.

24 Replies
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So sorry you're feeling this way, cheaters are no good...it doesn't make sense why they do it honestly. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS, don't let him make you think that. You deserve someone so much better than him and I'm sure you will find someone better. I will keep you in my prayers. heartbreak is never easy.

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers I really appreciate it.

Hidden
Hidden

Why can’t you make him leave- did both of you sign the lease? If that is the case, fine, let him stay, but he needs to buy his own food and other items, you do the same. Do not allow him to weasel his way back in to your life. Mentally just consider him a roommate, nothing more or less. First available opportunity, book it out of there, find yourself a new place. Don’t let him know where it is. And as pink said, you are NOT worthless.

innuendo26
innuendo26
in reply to Hidden

We both signed the lease unfortunately. I’m hoping I can be out within the month I’m just having a hard time with the concept of seeing him there.

Hidden
Hidden

Ok - first of all, forget about how he views you. You need to have better self worth. Why would you want to make things work with somebody who doesn’t value you? Make him move out. You need to love yourself more. Sorry if I sound tough - I just think you need a lot of tough love right now.

On top of him hurting your emotional well being, he’s putting you at huge risk physically. He’s a narcissist and is taking advantage of you. You gotta look in the mirror, realize your strength, and get him out of your life. Keep me posted.

innuendo26
innuendo26
in reply to Hidden

Thank you so much I really appreciate it. I’m trying really hard to recognize my strength and self-worth. I pray he just leaves to make this transition easier because I really don’t want to have to face him.

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to innuendo26

I know how hard it is. When you catch him, how is it approached? I would be devastated.

innuendo26
innuendo26
in reply to Hidden

Feels devastating. I just don’t see how he could do all this and not even provide me with the courtesy of leaving. I guess he has no sympathy or respect for me

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to innuendo26

Honestly, he sounds like a master manipulator and he’s not gonna leave until he’s forced to. He sounds terrible. I hope you know you deserve so much more than this. He thinks he can get away with anything. I’m so so sorry. Where are you?

innuendo26
innuendo26
in reply to Hidden

I’m sitting downtown listening to the water. I don’t know if he is home or not but dreading going.

You are not worthless. Him cheating defines who he is as a person. If he is having sex with multiple people at a time, that defines him. Not you. There is nothing worthless about you because of what another person is doing that's shitty. As for allowing him to treat you this way, it's hard leaving a situation or a person you care for. I get it... he sucks, he doesn't deserve you. We can all tell you this over and over again. However, you care for him and you want it to work out. So it's going to be hard leaving that (which you should). Him telling you he wants to be single is just his cop out of getting caught cheating and now getting to do what he wants while still living with you. It seems like he knows he has complete control of the situation and is using that to his full advantage. Although you are correct, you aren't the one that's doing wrong .. I don't think that is the factor in this situation anymore. He wants to be a dick and have complete control, and be childish by saying "I want to be single, but I'm not moving out." If you want to get out of this situation (which in my opinion, you should), move out yourself. Remove yourself from this toxic relationship. You don't have the money? Ask your parents, or friends, or other relatives if you can stay with them. Also, I am sorry if those aren't options as we don't know each other and I don't know your whole story.

Thank you for your kind words. I only have one friend in the area who doesn’t really have any room so I’m stuck with staying and praying that he leaves. I really hope he does.

I don't blame you. You're not at fault here and I'm sure we can all say we've been in a relationship similar to this where we feel stuck (I have at least, and it sucked). The process may be hard, but once you move on you will be much happier with him in the past. Here if you ever need to talk!

You are not Worthless. Your ex boyfriend is the one with the problem. He doesn’t feel good about himself. Stay strong, take care of yourself. Stay in your room when he is home, you can read, watch Tv, exercise...just taking care of you until you can get your finances in order to move out. Can you sublet? You said that you were trying to talk yourself out of drinking, I just went to two AA meetings this last week. I went to support my niece. I was surprised to see what a great community it was. I felt very emotional hearing the stories. Everyone helping each other it was good to see. I think getting involved , busy with your new life. Wishing you the best and hope things will improve for you soon.🌼

Thank you for your kind words. I think it would be a good idea to stay in my room when he is here.

Ya know you deserve better than him...tell him he has to leave..like now...don't let him drag you down..so not worth it....

Find your power and keep it...I wish you all the best...

Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy n hugs for you!!!

hi sorry to hear this I personally have no time for cheats.if a relationship is failing then you have to both change to make it work but cheating is a no no and it calls for the binbags to be thrown out the front door.chance after chance we give them we become weaker and more vulnerable for them to keep doing it.show your strong show him his days are numbered.you deserve better.

Hi innuendo26, his behavior is awful and NO ONE deserves that. You don't deserve it. Your relationship with him has nothing to do with your being worthy or not. The way he treats you is just plain wrong. You indicate that you can't leave yet. Do you have a relative/friend that will give you a short-term loan so you can move out immediately? I'm concerned that staying with him will once again soften your heart and that you will continue with this relationship, regardless of how he hurts you. Is that a possibility or are you very very sure you will leave? If you have no choice but to stay, you will have to be 100 percent determined to not interact with him (verbally, mentally, physically) at all and to leave at the end of the month. You are also worried about drinking. Please, just don't. Doing that won't help you at all and will actually make you more vulnerable to him. Please don't do that to yourself. Making things more painful on yourself is not good for you. Please take care of yourself for there is only one you. You are a valuable and precious person. Carry that in your mind and in your heart, blessings

Thank you for your kind words. I wish I had someone to loan me the funds but I don’t at the moment. I’m also very sure I’m not going to continue anything with him. I’ve just been trying to keep myself occupied.

Hi again innuendo26, your plan to stay until you get enough funds for moving will definitely have to be your plan, and that's ok. He may just continue to lure you somehow in someway to keep you there. After all, you are helping with the rent and other costs so just be careful in that regard. How are you avoiding the temptation to drink? What activities are you doing to stay away from him and to keep busy? blessings

Please do not start drinking. This would make him feel more like he has the upper hand over you. Stay in your own home and make him feel uncomfortable so that he wants to be the one to leave. Have friends round regularly so you are not always alone. Ignore him and just do your own thing, let him see you are not bothered about him. A leopard never changes its spots. Once a cheat always a cheat. I know of someone in a similar situation to you she forgave him many times but he never stopped cheating and she wasted several years of her life on him. She is beautiful. with a lovely nature and he just the opposite I would have thought he would have been ' over the moon ' to have someone like her. Thank god she at last came to her senses and he was the one to leave the house. You too can be strong. I will pray for you x

innuendo26
innuendo26
in reply to ward146

Thank you so much. I’m trying my best to stay busy and not think about all of it as much. Still hoping he will just leave and not come back.

Please don’t drink or do anything harmful to your own health because of a passing bad moment! I am the same way. My boyfriend and I broke up but we still talk. He had been seeing girls for weeks now and had been physical with them, but he says he can because he’s single. Then he exploded on me when I told him I am going to go on a date with a guy friend. I think as girls we usually tend to care too much. We need to be more like the guys and not give a s**t about them!! Maybe talk to your parents or someone to give you advice on what to do about the moving out situation.

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