New to this, old to panic/anxiety

[Emsnavvv]

Just wanted to give this a shot because I feel like nothing else is helping me! I have panic disorder and depression, and I feel like I get in a vicious cycle of both, I'll either start getting depressed, or have a panic attack and then the other one comes into play after the initial so they're both with me! This week has been a rough one, I call it having an episode I can't seem to shake. I think I have a phobia about my health or dying, and I feel so in tune to my body, so I feel every palpitation, weird pain, ache, whatever it is. then it takes my breath, and I get the adrenaline rush and get hot and tingly, then I worry my heart is just gonna stop or I'm gonna go into vtach! So then I panic and panic constantly checking to make sure my pulse is regular, I feel nuts! I have a cardiologist and I've done all the testing and they put me on a super low dose beta blocker for my "non sustained svt" also I am an ER nurse. So I know enough to panic myself all the time. I was doing fairly decent the last few years having my normal anxiety that I could talk myself down from, but now that I'm experiencing new symptoms like the palpitations very very often, I'm panicking again!!! I just feel so lost, defeated, and alone! I dread going anywhere or doing anything and I'm l terrified that I won't be able to function at work Bc I can't get this out of my head!!! I'm 26 years old and I feel like I'm wasting my life away with this, but it's a constant battle in my own head no matter what self talk I do, or pick myself up, this week I have fallen back into this terrible anxiety ridden state! I just don't know what to do anymore I don't wanna feel like this forever!!! Even if you don't have exactly this fear holler at me if you feel me, maybe that'll make me feel better!?

Thanks guys

[Agora1]

Hi Emsnavvv, Welcome to this great support site. Do you like what you're doing? What

changed in your life that caused you to get out of control in dealing with your symptoms>

As a former Paramedic, I use to think that I know just enough to panic myself also. That is,

until I started using my training as a positive approach for myself. It's like carrying around

my own support system. Learning about anxiety on all different levels makes me feel more comfortable when stress gets too high. I use meditation, deep breathing, self hypnosis and Mindfulness among other methods. At one time I was Agoraphobic for

5 years because I couldn't accept the concept of me needing help. Of me being the patient.

It was then that I knew that I would once again get out of the house and be productive.

No longer would I allow anxiety to imprison me. Little steps became bigger ones. Not

staying stuck in a cycle of fear was the key in going forward. Accepting that anxiety is

a mind game and I wasn't going to allow it to win. As I got stronger emotionally, I chose

to pass my success forward and help others going through this nightmare called mental

illness. You are not alone. You took the first step forward in reaching out to us today. Stay Strong, never give up. You will find people in all stages of the journey willing to reach out

to each other because we care. xx

P.S. No judgment, no put downs here x

[Emsnavvv in reply to Agora1]

Thank you!!! I love what I do! At the same time I think it does generate some anxiety for me sometimes just given the job. I almost chose this sometimes j think as a way to stand up to anxiety and panic and say I'm facing my biggest fear, and I'm educated in it which in my sane moments I know but when it creeps out sometimes it's too late and I'm just don't being rationale! Thanks for taking the time respond I appreciate it!!

[Agora1 in reply to Emsnavvv]

Ems, I'm glad you are here with us. There are men and women on here from all corners

of the work world of all ages. Anxiety doesn't discriminate. You are in good

hands now. You no longer need to feel alone. xx

[Hidden]

Hey Emsnavvv,

Welcome aboard and hope we can be of great help support wise. It's a great community. It sounds like it would be easy to have health anxiety being in the industry that you're in; you see and hear so many things a lot of people don't. It probably doesn't help knowing as much as you do....but try to turn the tables on that logic. Maybe knowing as much as you do, you're able to logically apply what you know with some practice.

I also have some health anxiety in terms of my heart and have put on a beta blocker as well. I found being close to medical care while letting the anxiety/panic pass helped a lot. If it truly was my worst thought...well here I am. If it wasn't, I could identify that specific feeling as not a heart issue, but anxiety. It's terrible how the two mimic each other so well, so I hope you're not too hard on yourself.

I wish I had some secret advice, but I literally would use a handheld EKG (not the most reliable, but it always said I was fine), a blood pressure cuff, and a pulse ox to see if this was going to a cardiac event. Each time I sat outside a clinic of some sort, I felt incredibly foolish, but better safe than sorry I suppose. I think the best advice I can give is to practice some mindfulness and meditation. I was skeptical of it, but one time I gave things a whirl without some quick acting medication to handle the issue. I turned on a centering body scan that asked me to feel my fingers without moving them. It blew my mind...it was like The Matrix for me. It had been about five minutes into the session and I finally looked at my Fitbit (great for the intended use, terrible for the anxious/panicked folks) and saw my pulse went from 110-120 bpm down to 85. I couldn't believe it. I've also found apps on my phone that target stimulating the limbic portion of the brain. All have, surprisingly, snapped me out of an anxiety attack. I will mention that I caught many of these before they had grown substantially stronger.

I think it's more normal than you'd believe to face this. For a lot of us, it's having the one incident....and then facing the possibilities (or what if's) it could happen again. Maybe dig at that root and see what it is that has you fearful and worried enough. I'm not sure if you've tried or are against it, but maybe medication or some exercises for stress reduction would do you wonders. Running around saving the world for 12 hours plus really has to take a lot out of you emotionally, physically, and so on. The last thing I'll mention is it seems anxiety and panic have their own ruts. I get in them as well. I can be doing great for a few weeks and then WHAM...anxiety and accompanying attacks for a week or two. Try not to despair, but try to be positive, kind to yourself and proactive going forward. You can beat this and life will not always be like this everyday. Maybe finding a therapist would help as well (if you aren't already).

I wish I had more to add, but I feel like I would just be preaching to the choir since your educated and likely know most of what the medical field recommends. I can say you are one of many and definitely not alone in this adventure. Definitely not lost, alone, and defeated whatsoever. I truly hope and wish this fades and some solutions come to light that work for you as we're all unique in what works for us. Take care, absolutely try not to be too tough on yourself, and try to remain confident that solutions are ahead!

[Emsnavvv in reply to Hidden]

I really appreciate you reaching out!! It helps just to know I'm not alone! Thank you!!!