Tired of having no one to talk to

[TheMeg]

All of my friends are constantly telling me "you can always talk to me" but that's not true. They either belittle it or brush over it when it comes to my issues and I just feel so alone all of the time

[Sober2007]

It's possible they just don't know what to say or do. it doesn't necessarily mean they don't care, they may just not have the life experience to relate. You can come here and share. I know it's not the same as in-person, but you are not alone.

[Agora1 in reply to Sober2007]

Very true Sober, very true xx

[crabbyoldlady in reply to Sober2007]

I am a kind and caring person so all my life people come to me for support. But I was talking to a woman who was a therapist and because of that her friends naturally assumed that she didn't need support and when she asked for it she didn't get it. I have lived through horrible abuse as a child and several suicides of siblings and close friends. People tell me tell me I'm so strong. They don't I need support to. This summer I was feeling suicidal and called my friend who normally talks for an hour without one response on my end. I told her I was suicidal and all she talks about was her cat dying two weeks earlier. I hung up and called a help line. I confronted her (because she has a degree in psychology) about her ignoring my need to talk and she dismissed it with that her cat had died.

Yes, it is true that 99% of people don't know how to deal with mental illness in others but I think most people are callous and self absorbed. I love my animals who know when I am upset and stick next to me like glue. I am super out going and popular with people but they never see the real me underneath. I have learned to hide it. I will live on my farm by myself until I die unless Covid opens things up and I can make true friends again. In the last two years I lost all my caring friends to various diseases and accidents.

A true friend is worth their weight in gold. I am a true friend but honestly I couldn't handle being used as support and then dumped when they get through their crisis.

[Hidden in reply to crabbyoldlady]

Its great how you had healthy assertiveness with your friend. I am younger than you but I welled up with pride when I read how you acknowledged your need for support and when you was dismissed how you then acknowledged and respectfully expressed how this wasnt acceptable. From my personal experience I think this takes alot of courage🙂

[Hidden]

I understand what you mean. I think some people just say things like this to be nice, but just being nice isn't enough. It's nice to know someone actually cares, and they won't just talk to you, but actually want to talk to you.

[TheMeg in reply to Hidden]

Exactly. Everyone is so selfinvolved. Even good things I try to share hey brushed aside

[Tealb in reply to TheMeg]

Couldn't have said it better myself, I constantly feel like I'm being ignored. Like what I have to say isn't important. Even if it's in a conversation that someone else has started & all the group are having input. It's as though my voice just isn't heard.

[mrmonk in reply to Hidden]

Agree with this completely.

[LemonTree14]

I feel like when it comes to mental health people just don't understand. I think people are taught to undermine or devalue emotions and our minds because they get in the way of our worlds' functioning systems. It's hard to understand what goes on in someone's mind and if it gets in the way of 'what just needs to be done' then people stop caring. I feel like the more I tell people what goes on in my mind, the more its obvious that as long as my problems don't impeed on anyone else or me being a fuctioning adult then my problems get a supportive response but if not people will belittle or brush of my feeling and what I go through. Does that relate?

[TheMeg in reply to LemonTree14]

Sort of. But some of my friends have a lot of anxiety issues themselves and still aren't there. I had a "friend" who texted me that she felt like a failure because someone asked if she remembered to water plants, yet acted like I was crazy when I said I had to address cleaning my apartment as a few small tasks at a time so as to not get overwhelmed. It's incredibly frustrating.

[asanders1203]

I agree .. I think people don’t understand how much of a struggle mental health is because they can’t physically see it .. and it sucks .. I found that going to group therapy I didn’t feel as alone . I think sometimes people mean well but they don’t take the time out to try and really understand what you’re going through, because they haven’t been there .

[Hidden]

Even though it may feel like it ... this foes not always mean that they do not care for you . Sometimes life just gets in the way jobs, family, etc. And sometimes they don’t know how to deal with someone that has depression or anxiety the best way. I’ve found journaling and this place to be the best way to let out all my thoughts .

It’s a difficult one 😔 I go through this too. I always think I’m there to listen to everyone but where are they for me . So I learnt the hard way not to rely on others to make me feel better. Only I know what’s really best . X

[SpeakUp5694]

Hi there!

I am in the same boat as you right now. I have been going through this with some friends of mine that I actually cut contact with because it was getting to the point that these friends turned out to not be real friends. But, the always talk to me seems like only a line to fill in the conversation, but the real issue that people have when it comes to the issue of not supporting you is they do not know how to talk to you and on top of that they do not want to be a listen ear because that is a counselors obligation (someone else's job). Truthfully though, when friends are doing this it can also be that they are not your real friends, but instead they are just an association. But going off of what others have already said, if some of your friends have issues related to anxiety then maybe you can reach out to them and ask them what is causing them such and then you can connect to them by hearing them out by finding the common ground through listening and I am in hope that when you take this step that your friends will reach out and do the same. You did not mention your age, but something I found helpful was getting involved in stuff in the community or the school I was attending to learn more about myself and others because I found that we make friends based on similarity rather than differences, yet it is differences that bring us together more because of the spark of interest that comes out from doing so.

I found writing down my feelings and stresses to be extremely helpful and I did think about starting a blog or after school class about this at my school. I wanted it to be a creative writing and life skills class as coping skills and the skills it takes to deal with people are not well prioritized in my view when we are going though school and life as a whole. We are taught to get things done without considering the energy, time, or effort it took to get to the conclusion.

I saw one's comment that mentioned something about people getting caught up in their own lives and this is also true because this will affect their attention and willingness to hear you out when you need it. I found it helpful to be on here to reach out to people because all become our own community. Just know that we are all here for you and will be no matter what you feel needs to be talked about.

[misslillie]

This is a good group Meg. Often I am posed like the fly on the wall. But when I organize my thoughts and reply to those in the group I find it to be relieving and comforting. Those here are insightful about emotional pain and offer helpful suggestions. I hope you find them so.

[Agora1]

Bobbi, I'm sorry that Bella is so sick. I remember when my German Shepherd, Brandy was very sick. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I hope that

the prednisone helps within the next 2 weeks. Losing our furry friends is a heart

breaker for sure however this must be the time where you must be strong for Bella. See her through this critical stage of her life. If it is meant to be, she will recover enough to give you more years with her. I wish you my best. I know how much it hurts. xx