I need someone who can communicate on an intimate level

Still trying to find the intimacy my life lacks... I'm so tired of this selfish person I'm married to. I need someone who can love and be loved. I just can't do it on my own. I need to know I can step on solid ground before I step away from this sinking ship. Please, please someone has to be there. I can't do this alone.

[-Sasha-]

I know how you feel. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is focus on YOU. Work on the things about yourself that you might have neglected before. That's what I'm doing because when the ship finally does sink, I'm not going down with it.

[Hidden in reply to -Sasha-]

I feel like the saying about filling a cup that's already full applies, here. I spent my entire childhood alone abused and neglected, I don't need anymore time for myself. But, I understand that I need to try to get past my injury and get closer to the people who really love me in Virginia.

[-Sasha- in reply to Hidden]

Yea it doesn't necessarily have to be time for yourself. It could be, like you mentioned, working on relationships or getting past traumas. Or just doing things that you couldn't do before.

Basically, I stopped putting my energy into trying to make things work because it was just wasted energy. Once I started focusing on myself, I'll admit I saw a lot of things I didn't like, but I'm working on those things and am getting some confidence back. I know I deserve better but don't always believe it and I think he uses that weakness to his advantage. I feel myself getting stronger everyday tho. I still struggle, obviously if you look at my posts, but I'm fighting... Not for him anymore, for me and my boys.

Whatever will give you the strength to leave, put your focus on that. If you can't leave because you still care about her and don't want her to struggle, put a plan into motion. Many will say it's not your problem, but if it gives you peace of mind then that's the goal. Everyone's situation is different so this may not apply to u, but just thought I'd share.

~S~

[Hidden]

I know where you are coming from. Being married to selfish people is not being in a good spot for yourself. If you are the only one putting effort into thus marriage trying to work it out then most likely it won’t work. A marriage takes two who need to work together as one.

I am in your exact shoes as well. I began preparations for departure from this marriage and am now on stand by.

It takes two to work a marriage and I can tell you have done so much. You get a lot of credit.

You are your focus now. Take care of yourself and focus on bringing yourself to a better state. Hang in there.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

How are you in standby? I feel like I can't get out from underneath this situation unless I'm already single again. I just can't be alone. After two years the desperation gets overwhelming. Of course I don't show it; but, it makes things more complicated.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I am on stand by because I forced myself on the exit route of the situation. I learned no matter how far or how deep things can get in difficulty in a relationship there is always a way out. You have to stand up and focus fully on where you need to go and set it as an objective. Get it to a point where you will be comfortable and prepared from all angles. You are the one who is standing. The one you are with has fallen. Keep your spirit up. As much as the light upon yourself and you will find the way you need to go.

[Sofiexxx]

You seem and sound like such a romantic and sweet guy. I have gone through your previous posts and genuinly do not know what on earth you’re doing with your wife. She should have been long gone. And yes it’s hell. But man is it worth it. If you think your kid is going to be happy just because his/her parents are together you are dead wrong. A miserable parent equals a miserable kid. I speak from experience. You need to gather up the strenght and leave her. Ask yourself how long you can fake all of this? She’s clearly not willing to change her ways. One day or another you will say «that’s it» you might aswell say it now. Keep your head up and prioritize yourself. You are not her parent, you are not responsible for her. She can take care of herself. You deserve better. You are ruining yourself slowly, she doesn’t (excuse my french) give a shit. It takes two to tango, and the only one dancing right now, is You! 🌺

[Hidden in reply to Sofiexxx]

Thanks Sofie. She can't take care of herself though. I leave her and she goes back to live with her mother in the rinkydink town while her student debt spirals back out of control.

[Hidden]

No the feeling my husband is just as selfish feel more like his Mum than his wife.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Lol. Things aren't like that with me and my wife, she does an equal share of the work. We are just cohabitating.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

He does his work around the house as well but I do have to ask him to do somethings though.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I don't even ask anymore. It will just get to a poiint where she does what she does and I do what I do. Like dishes, filling the humidifier, mop the floors, cleaning out the bathroom sink, making dinner. I do all those things and she cleans the surfaces in the kitchen, vacuums and sweeps the house and does laundy.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thats about right I get fed up with asking so most times I wont but because of being ill I think I need him to do it as I cant so basically if I am having a bad day he gets asked.

[Hidden]

what would you like to to do about it..

[tmjourney]

I’m so sorry for the situation you are in Dave! I am about to lift prayer up for you and your marriage (I’ve added you to my daily prayer list). I can’t imagine going through what you are in and have been through. I hope you know that many people (including myself) on here are here to talk to you and support you! Good friends are important when going through hardship

[Stella180]

Sometimes stepping away from that sinking ship can prevent you from being sucked down to the depths

[Hidden in reply to Stella180]

To me there's nothing worse than being alone... Except I have a daughter who is a load of fun. But divorce, ugh.