When I was younger, I use to have fears and basically nightmares about death and a day where my parents as well as myself would never be around. It makes me sad, that my mental illness causes me to think I would be so much happier just to end it all now. I’m not sure if I actually could ever do anything, but I have had a lot of moments lately, where the thought doesn’t scare me as badly. Everyone tries to tell me that the best revenge and best form of Karma, is living a good life. Nobody seems to know what it feels like though, to go through every day life in my head. Constantly living with the idea that I am not good enough, or repeating every horrible thing my ex said to me. You feel like the scariest thing in the world (not being around) isn’t so scary anymore, because now your mind is the scary place.
How to stop from wanting to give up - Anxiety and Depre...
How to stop from wanting to give up
You poor thing, don't kill yourself over a boy you will regret it he is a ex for a reason .... It may seem hard now but one day you will meet someone better I was like that with a boy too then I met someone who changed my life for the better . I understand when it happened to me last year I thought I was going mad and wanted to die . But that someone talked me out of it - and gave me a purpose in this life now I want to give back and help people of his kind and it proves the mentally I'll Cate more than normal people . All my friends knew I was suicidal they thought it was attention and they was normal. But this boy had depression and ADHD and cared more than normal people who weren't I'll. Coincidentally I have been. Diagonsed with ADHD two weeks ago and now I want to look for jobs and give back in return I am so grateful I owe these people something . What I'm trying to say is you have a good heart better than normal people . They are evil. People who are mentally I'll have the softest hearts. I hope my story will help you feel better
Nothing seems to make me feel better anymore. I am in a new relationship, but a lot of stuff from the past, causes my mind to tell me lies about what is happening or what is true. I know it might sound silly, but this ex was more than just a boy to me. He was my first everything, my high school sweetheart and we were together over 8 years. He broke up with me two years ago, hooked up with a girl he hid being friends with behind my back not even two weeks later, started dating her a month later and I just got told about a week ago, that he is engaged to her. It breaks me, every day to feel like I wasn’t good enough and that I really must have not been good enough, for him to only take two years to make that commitment. My former best friend, also treated me awful and became friends with them instead and was the one who posted it. I struggle every day because if two people who I loved so incredibly much, could do that to me, then it seems like I am clearly the problem. I don’t know, I just don’t see a point in being around, when my mind is a 24/7 horrible place to live. My current boyfriend, has no idea my anxiety/depression has gotten this bad. He works in law enforcement and I’m terrified this is going to push him away because maybe he won’t see me as a mentally strong person.
It is really difficult because I took care of this guy. I mean, whatever he needed, I was there. Buying him groceries for college, taking them up to him, giving him my card info so he could get some good food after late night exams. Taking off work early to go up and take him to dinner, spend the night and wake up early to drive down the next morning. Or take off work early, to run him wherever he had to go and then take him back early before work, paid to go out to him in Illinois when he had his internship, just to make the long drive back with him, just so much over the 8 years. The same goes with my ex best friend, we were friends for 18-19 years and I did everything for her. They both set me on the side of the road like garbage and could have cared less. I know I wasn’t the most perfect person and I made mistakes in being immature and insecure, but it saddens me that it all went down the way it did. I have no joy in life anymore because the guilt and regret consume me, as well as the sadness.
I get you shit seems complicated .... Why are you friends with a person who would do that ? I wouldn't talk to someone who stole my man I wouldn't talk to them anymore . I think you need to let go of the past as it not doing any good and I understand your low self esteem . I am traumatised from people bullying me at school but it is easier to escape as school is only temporary and my education is finished. I suppose it is hard with you still being connected with your ex and you can't just move on from someone who you was together with 8 years. I suggest opening up to your new boyfriend who is a cop and if he leaves you then he doesn't truly love you just like the friends who ran off from me. But killing yourself is not the answer somebody out there loves you I mean I don't know you buy I care enough to talk to you and listen and most of the time that's what a depressed person needs. Good luck with everything hope it goes better for you
Oh, I am not friends with any of them. I was never friends with the girl it seemed like he left me for, no communication with my ex and not friends with my ex best friend. I recently got my medicine switched by my family doctor and I have currently enrolled back into therapy. I honestly think my new boyfriend would be supportive, it is just difficult because like I said, mental illness is a crazy loud demon, that is hard to overcome. I’m sorry you were or are bullied, nobody deserves to go through that. I don’t understand how people are okay with dragging others down, so they can feel great. I’m sure you’re an awesome person and clearly you have a good heart in order to reach out to strangers, just in the hopes of bringing some peace.
Yeah thank you very much ... That's nice to hear you are on meds and doing therapy ... I wish you a steady recovery glad to hear you are doing something
Maybe you need some new friends in your life. It sounds like you lost a lot of friends due to their own bad behavior. You may be better off without them, but it’s still a loss and losses hurt.
Are there things you can do that would help you meet some new people?
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