Everything was great until

[Starrlight]

It wasn’t.

Im so busy in my care for others, care for self, but Ifind myself now trying to hide out, feeling empty so empty and guilty for all the things that I am not or cannot do just situations in the world are saddening too and so I pray but still I am starting to experience self destructive behavior... I keep wondering what else I can do to fight against the pain but then the passion or motivation isn’t there. I just need to vent and say I wish I would do better I feel not enough. I need to put my passions into action... or I’ll always be empty.

[Agora1]

Starrlight, had been wondering where you went. Sometimes I hide too but it's

not good to stay alone too long. It sounds like you are really taking on the weight

of the world and it's becoming too much for one person to handle.

That empty feeling is because you are giving and not receiving. It's got to be

give and take. You're running on empty right now and that is why you feel that

way. I'm glad you came here to vent. You need to release your frustrations and

not keep blaming yourself for all you can't do but rather turn that around to all

you have done. We're here for you Starrlight. xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

Yeah I’ve been hearing and seeing too much pain going on lately including my own. I need to paint. But I get so down if it doesn’t turn out right. I don’t really know if painting is the answer I think wishing I would get into it is because I need to feel passionate and do something that speaks to me, that let’s all my soul out free.

Thanks Agora how are you? ❤️

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

Starrlight, I am doing well, thank you.

I understand your need to feel passionate about something. If painting can do that

for you, then pick up the brush and try. Maybe it will hold the key in how you are

feeling and relieve some of your emptiness. Sending hugs. I care. xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

You know what, I’m going to paint in a moment, for myself and for you. You inspire me, I look up to you. So here it goes... off to paint thanks for the push.

[Starrlight in reply to Starrlight]

I decided to draw instead and I’m about to post it now...

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

You're amazing my friend xx

[jkl5500]

I'm not a doctor, just a fellow sufferer. But your post is a classic description of symptoms of depression. Emptiness, low self-esteem, worthlessness - they are all phony feelings, symptoms straight out of a psychology textbook. Depression filters all the joy out of life, and leaves you with nothing but the crap. I know it all seems so real - that's why this is so hard to get past! We are all conditioned to take what our brains tell us at face value. But when our brains give out false messages, we need to use our minds to get around them, and see them for what they are. How you feel right now is NOT reality! It is a false brain message, due to an illness you have.

I'm glad you came back on here. We were getting a little concerned.

[Starrlight in reply to jkl5500]

I think it’s normal depression you know my mom has Alzheimer’s and I am grieving over her already and I doubt myself because of past abuse. Yeah and this morning I felt manic maybe just happy I don’t know. Havim sll over the place right now. Thanks jkl5500 for caring. ❤️

[porcupyne]

I thought I was reading my story wow

[Starrlight in reply to porcupyne]

Awww 🥰 hi Porcupyne!!! Do you have an activity that you were or are passionate about?

I suggest getting back to it or keep it up like I did (was into painting but just had no drive anymore to do it so I drew, it just seemed something less involved but still a great way to express myself) .

Best to you

[porcupyne in reply to Starrlight]

Yes my passion was painting rocks.

But I have chronic neck pain.

Some one told me yesterday

“Everyone with a belly button has issues”

That is so funny 😂

[aaronm]

Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then its amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, its ordinary and mundane and routine. That's just living heart breaking, soul healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful.

--L.R. Knost

[Starrlight in reply to aaronm]

Love it ❤️ thanks Aaronm ❤️