Still feel “doomed” and unemployable - Anxiety and Depre...

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Still feel “doomed” and unemployable


I keep writing about this here… and I’m not sure why. For the first time in 35 years I’m unemployed. I let myself become almost completely obsolete in my (so-called) field: web site design and management. Everything I’m hearing about on what it would take to re-educate myself seems insurmountable. Besides, I’m running out of money.

I feel like I’m going to have to take some sort of an unskilled job in the service/retail work force, but I’m worried about leaving my elderly father at home alone (though, to be honest he doesn’t really seem to need me around much).

I just don’t know what to do. I feel doomed and useless. There’s a ton of other issues (affording health and mental care for one) that I have to deal with that also seem utterly insurmountable… and I keep feeling frozen by anxiety.

17 Replies


If you have to take a job in retail for the time being then go ahead. Until something better comes along. Is your father ill? Does he need round the clock care/supervision?

Lost_in_life in reply to Hidden

Thanks. My dad isn't ill or need supervision. He's going deaf and occasionally has problems with his balance, but that's about it. Still I worry about leaving him. I really need to focus on finding some sort of work-at-home job.

hey I am in a similar situation.i am a carer for an elderly relative so cant seek employment at the moment.i am skint near enough and struggling to make ends meet.if your dad is still able to get out and about you could maybe work part you some extra money and security and a different outlook on things.

Thanks. As I said above, I really need to focus on finding some sort of work-at-home job... but maybe a part time job outside of the house would be a good idea too.

yeah it gets you out its very hard being at home all day as a carer.i started even volunteering again in between just to do something different.

Actually I'm pretty used to working from home. I've been doing it more and more over the last 15 years or so. For the last couple of years I've worked at home 99% of the time. As the company began to shut down we opted for less office space so it only made sense.

Frankly, I've never been an overly social person (not that I have persistent social anxiety). Truth is I sort of dread the idea of having to deal with the "general public." That's kind of why... well, one of the many reasons why I'd rather find a work-at-home job... if I can, that is.

Dear "Lost,"

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I have some ideas: I don't know what country you live in, but in the U.S., there are employment offices (run by the government) that have 100% free services, like help with your resume, free job counseling and training (the training may be limited to certain types of work, and may include web site design and management (but maybe not on a higher level like you need, but who knows?), but even if it's for some type of labor or something else outside of what you've been doing, at least it's free and will get you working sooner at a higher pay than without the training; another thought is and similar job sites that have job postings for work that are at a higher level of competence and education/training, both on-site and remote; finally, there are online schools and courses that are free or very cheap, like udacity, vskills, and more, including courses directly through a college or university, all online. Depending on your financial status, you could get free tuition for training or further education.

Look around the Internet and ask around. There are resources out there that can help.

Also, for your and your dad's peace of mind, have you considered one of those emergency call devices for him, should he fall when you're not around?

Lost_in_life in reply to Linnea1

Thanks. I'm in the US. I have to go to the Dept. of Labor to get something called a "wage inquiry" (not sure what that is but my doctor's clinic requires it for non-insured, sliding scale qualification) so I'll try to inquire about job counseling when I'm there. I've been avoiding dealing with "the bureaucracy" because it causes me to feel more anxiety.

As for being at a "higher level" that's a big part of the problem... despite my lengthy career experience I'm just SO behind "the curve" in the knowledge that I need for a new job. I'm trying to start to re-educate myself... but the anxiety and depression is making me feel overwhelmed and hopeless about it. I also need to explore more education routes... but there IS the limited money issue to consider... plus I'm worried about wasting my money on inadequate training.

As for my dad, I doubt I could talk him into getting an emergency call device. Although he admits to having issues with his hearing and balance I think he doesn't think they are "major problems." He's very independent and hardly ever asks me for help with anything... he's always been like that. I REALLY want to find something that I can do from home. I'm even starting to consider phone-based customer service work which is something I dread doing since people are frequently angry and hostile when they're calling that sort of service.

Anyway, this "doomed" feeling is really getting bad. Even though I'm not suicidal I keep telling myself that I'd be better off dead. I'm not going to be able to afford psychiatric help soon. Just feels like everything is just going to get worse from here on out. I don't have any hope for things getting better... and I'm constantly fantasizing about all sorts of bad things happening to me.

Hi. Sorry you’re feeling this way. I can relate in many ways. My anchor keeping me at home are my teens, though for my own well-being that I’m beginning to put as a priority, I know I need to get out of the house. Once I get out, I feel so much better and in that I mean, I feel competent. I feel like the person I am. I have skills, and there is somewhere for me. I also am reluctant and anxious with the govt programs but due to need I had to apply for welfare to work. The woman who worked with me was very understanding and helpful. I was able to get support with food stamps, which is 70% of my anxiety with two growing young adults who like to eat. Also I have an appt to meet with them about my resume. I am overqualified for everything I apply for. Have taken a huge hit trying to find work post 50 female who commanded a high salary. Now I know how to get food at a food bank. The change and our own internal judgements are something to cope with for sure. The last situation I was in was toxic. It undid me in many ways. Since then I’ve been in the stuck mode. Need to file a claim with EEOC but I keep postponing it. However, one way or another, I’m getting myself out. Can’t continue and I guess I got out enough to want to get out more. Oddly enough, removing clutter from the house has helped! I know these are a bunch of random thoughts but get the help you need. Medicaid or whatever provides me and my kids with health insurance. If you’re unemployed, there are resources. Think of me, when you want to drive out of the parking lot before you park. Or are so late you have to reschedule. Third try I went in and was so glad I did. Ugh. This sh*t is so hard. Hugs and love. Good luck sweetie.

Thanks. Fortunately my dad has got our "room and board" covered. But, he can't afford helping me with health insurance and other stuff. For some reason I don't qualify for Medicaid in my state... I have NO idea why. It's encouraging to hear that you've had a positive experience with the Dept. of Labor... I'm still not looking forward to it... and I'm having to wait around for my slack, former boss to send my Notification for Separation.

Linnea1 in reply to Lost_in_life

Dear "Lost,"

Not sure if you're aware of the term "passive suicidal tendencies," but it's exactly what you described when you say you fantasize about bad things happening to you. I totally get that. I'm only pointing this out because it is still a suicidal tendency and could possibly, in an instant, for example during an anxious moment, or over time, turn into active suicidal tendencies. There's one thing I would recommend you do on Monday, please, and that is to call around to find a counselor at a clinic that charges on a sliding scale. (I pay less than $5 per appointment.) A good counselor will help you get grounded and stay there while you take care of all the other things you need to be doing to get your life moving forward. Without some kind of mental health care, it's possible that nothing will get done and that worries me (and you, as well, quite obviously). Even if you've had a ho-hum or bad experience in counseling before, please try it again.

Call your local employment office and ask to be put on the email list of local jobs. You should get a list of jobs every week. There are also lots of online job posting sites like Indeed and there's also one run by the state government, the same branch that runs the employment offices. You can look for jobs and post your resume.

Can you work in a lower-level IT job, while working on increasing your skills? Could you work in a computer-related job? There are always remote computer jobs, both hardware and software-related. Even if it's customer service-related, not all such jobs deal with angry customers, but perhaps only frustrated customers, or customers calling for information or some kind of help.

As for your dad, can you call his doctor and put the bug in his or her ear that your father's balance is not so great, but he's in denial, and that you'd like the doctor to ask him to come in for a check-up (or find some pretense) and have the doctor suggest an emergency call device? Sometimes, it's easier coming from a doctor. You wouldn't be breaking any HIPAA laws by relaying information to the doctor. A one-way communication to the doctor's office is not against the law. I actually had to do this exact thing when my father's dementia created unsafe driving and, ultimately, an accident (which we actually read about in the paper). My father wouldn't give me his car keys, so I made an appointment with his doctor and told my dad that he had a check-up and the doctor asked for his car keys, without incident. My father's pride was saved, since it wasn't his own daughter doing it.

Lost_in_life in reply to Linnea1

Thanks. I don't think I'm suicidal. I'm not fantasizing about physical harm or death -- just "bad things" like becoming homeless or not finding affordable healthcare, etc. As for seeking therapy, I know I need to do that. I'm seeing a psychiatrist -- but I may not be able to do that once I drop my over-priced, subpar insurance next month. Besides, the medication isn't really helping. I think my anxiety is primarily "situational" as opposed to "chemical." (My depression may be different, to some extent, since I've been that way my entire life.)

The problem with finding affordable therapy is that I have NO official documentation of being unemployed. Despite being legally required my former boss did not send me a Notification for Separation when the company shut down. Now I'm having to wait for him to do that before I can go to the Dept. of Labor to get the documentation required by my clinic and county service board to get healthcare and therapy on a sliding scale. So, I really can't do anything yet.

I've looked at the job board on my state's Dept. of Labor's web site. There's really nothing near me or that I qualify for. I need to start looking at some of the W@H boards for crummy "micro-tasks," etc. I really don't qualify for lower-level IT jobs. My knowledge is kind of piece meal. I learned stuff on a need-to-know basis and forgot a lot since I wasn't using it on a frequent basis. All the jobs I've looked at in my so-called field require a TON of stuff I've never even been exposed to -- some of it I never even heard of. I really think re-educating myself is fairly unrealistic and insurmountable, especially given the fact that I'm going to run out of money soon. I think I'm just going to have bite the bullet and take a crummy, low-skill level job in retail/service. I don't mean to belittle that sort of work... it's just something I really dread and I think it will make me feel even worse about myself.

As for my father, I don't want to do that to him. For one thing, I don't feel like he's that bad off. I really don't have any justification or right to do that to him. For another thing I don't want to piss him off. That would make things unbearable. Plus if he was really mad he could throw me out of the house. Then my cat and I would be homeless. I only have one or two friends who would help me out and that would only be temporary.

hammock_lvr in reply to Linnea1

So many good points, and Lost, I was able to get my meds when I had no insurance through the county. It’s not as bad as the movies make it out. Just want to join Linnea1 in encouraging you to find the correct mental health worker. It doesn’t get better (IMO) without some support, coaching and guidance. Sorry to tag on, felt like I left that part out and Lineea1c those are great ideas.

hammock_lvr, I have a real bad phobia of dealing with bureaucracy...and forms, forms REALLY freak me out! I was told by my clinic that I needed to get something called a "wage inquiry" from the Dept. of Labor. Do you know what this is? Do I have to go on unemployment to get one? I really don't want to have to deal with the whole business of making 3 job applications a week to legally qualify for unemployment.

If I recall the idea is to have three touch bases with several potential employers. When receiving unemployment (USA at least), there’s an assumption that you are able and looking for work. Plus it’s based on your employment history and paying into the “fund” through your FICA or other taxes deducted by one’s employer. It wasn’t difficult and if you want to work, then this would be an option to help you get there. Last thought is to go online for the form. I think I know what you’re referring to but it’s called something else in my State. Go to your states website (.gov) to find applications, forms, and requests for documents. Maybe there will be something to get you started there. Take care of yourself and good luck.

Try health insurance companies. They hire a lot of remote/work from home jobs.

Thanks. Don't those sort of jobs require a LOT of training in medical "coding," etc.?

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