Tell me please how do you do stuff. How do you accomplish something. How do you respond?
It’s years of me being paralyzed. I’m not doing anything at all.... acting is the hardest thing to me!
When a letter comes it takes me day to open and then I don’t respond, never... I barely touch my cellphone, I haven’t talk on the phone for months. When I’m asked to meet with friends, I say yes without checking my schedule and then I end up not coming and I never even cancel... People say stuff to me, i am literally mute. I had never ever told anyone that they mistreated me or did anything wrong to me. I never stand behind my own self... always take the guilt. I’m afraid of meeting people on the streets, have trouble taking public transport... and even Afraid of going into stores.
There is no way in the earth I will ever do anything...
I don’t know why and I don’t know how ....
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Orangeblossom85
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I’m under treatment for depression. My doctor doesn’t see anxiety in me. She tells me that I have huge problem in relations with people. I have Prozac and something to reduce my stress. It doesn’t work at all.
I'm not a doctor, but what you have written sounds like social anxiety. Yes, depression and anxiety are interrelated, but for your doctor to think that you don't suffer from anxiety is very surprising.
What Melhall said below is true. If you are in the habit of being silent, then it will take some work to change that. Make it a point to interact with people in some small way. When you get more comfortable doing it, things will get easier and easier. There have to be some websites on how to be more sociable with others - just do a web search.
That I’m great at - it’s pretending. I’m always smiling and I’m hiper helpful. But when it comes to me, when it’s about me... the zero response! Just paralyzing...
Maybe some talk therapy would be helpful. If you're seeing a psychiatrist, they tend to keep the talk to a minimum, give you a prescription, and send you on your way. A psychologist or therapist will do talk therapy, which I think would help you.
I have my first meeting scheduled tomorrow but I didn’t manage to keep that day off. I couldn’t even asked my boss... it is supposed to be a psychoanalysis. I didn’t respond to cbt. Group therapy was awesome but it left me in the absolute collapse
Please try to start with talk therapy soon. It could be of great benefit to you.
I wish you the best.
Take small steps at first. Go out and get some fresh air to connect with yourself. It took me years but somehow I learned to face those that have hurt me and now I'm very strong and assertive. No one messes with me! I am now a leader at work as the head nurse managing the staff. I use to be so meek and scared. Not anymore.
I also avoid people and have no friends but I concentrated on myself and became the best I could be. Start with you and the rest will follow. Do you work?? Have any hobbies? Talents to cultivate?
Wow! Congratulations to you. It’s not easy to be head!
I’m not assertive. Until last November people would use me for everything. After November I simply quit everything...
I work in hotel in the front desk. They no nothing about me in this place. Only my name... I have written on this forum more about me than I have ever said to anyone. When it comes to me - i always get mute...
Don't let people dictate the way you feel about yourself. Don't quit on yourself. Good for you for working. Try to get to know the guests and reach out to others it is rewarding and you will find joy. At first you have to pretend but after a while you start enjoying the time even short you have with others that you greet there.
hi orange blossom,do me a faver from today be proud to be who you are.never be ashamed of disabilities if you carnt do something tell people so and let them their way with you.best of luck.peek
I know it is difficult. I have social anxiety and if somebody told me to stand up for myself, forget it I can barely talk. We just have to keep taking steps not being paralyzed and staying still.
Hey Orange, fairly new here but I’ve had trouble being in large crowds and have pulled no shows. Nothing is easy when you’re in that level of depression. Try to do things around house first. It’s very difficult to go outside when you can’t move from one spot but open a window to let air in, it’ll help a little. Just try to do one thing a day, big or little, it doesn’t matter just one thing a day could open the door for you. Listen to music that reminds you of a good time in your life and take it from there. Hope this helped a little.
I was hoping that I can do small things but unfortunately that time has passed. I didn’t do single thing in my house since May. Time is flying and things around me only get worse. I don’t know how can I explain to my parents and to my sister that they have to help me now. How can I get my life sorted? I don’t even know what to do. How to do it. Unblocking my cellphone would be so good but then - I only get bad messages.
I think you may need to ask for another doctors opinion! It sounds just like some sort of phobia of outdoors and other beings x
So I’ve been to four doctors so far and three of them told me that I’m fine - completely fine. Only the last doctor admitted that she sees my depression. I’m very a mask. I’m great at pretending- that comes to me with no effort. People think of me that I’m trash. I think about me the same.
Have you got anyone close to you that you can tell this to ? Any support?
Of course you have all of us and I’m so glad you were able to tell us today! I’m hoping someone who deals with the same fears has a more helpful reply than I do , but message me whenever you need . You’re absolutely not trash! You’re just going through some hard times... this will pass and you will get the help you need .
Your words are very upsetting to me. You ARE NOT TRASH. You are a wondrous creation...a human being with thoughts and feelings that are legitimate and to be listened to. So let's listen to them...and hear the lies...do you know that depression is a huge liar??? It will tell you that you aren't worthwhile or important, a LIE, that you can't do this or that, another LIE, that life isn't worth living, a LIE for sure, that you are hopeless, a humongous LIE.
Please, please do NOT believe these lies...the illness changes how your reasoning works and your thoughts can now be WRONG. Chemicals in your brain and nervous system aren't the same amounts of healthy ones, but an unhealthy non-balance occurs and that is what's called ILLNESS. Illness can be reduced, aided, helped, sometimes healed completely.
If you don't know what to do, Miss Important Human Being, I and others here can help. Because YOU, Miss Beautiful Creation, are worth the time and effort 100 times over!!! If you don't believe it now, Miss Incredible Creature, "act as if you do believe" until you really do. This does work...which is why pretending anything else that isn't true often isn't a good idea...you could end up believing it (the LIE) in the end.
Love you, Beautiful Being, now and always. Want help? Just ask, because you are worth it!! Hugs, Loves, and Blessings....
❤️ (((((Hug))))) ❤️ I hear you. Things can get easier so please keep hope and try little step by little step.
Hi -it's refreshing to meet someone who does not act. This social anxiety and phobia must be so difficult to deal with. You have withdrawn into your shell so you don't over react, to show how you really feel. You may have felt people have criticised you and it is your failure not to wish to socialise. There are other people who have been much better after
taking drugs such as sertraline eg Zoloft to raise serotonin levels It is important to know which drug you are on as may be this does not help your form of anxiety with depression. or it takes more than a few weeks to work. There are other therapies as you know, but if the drug can help your mood and take away the fear and feeling you don't want to meet people then may be a change of medication would be helpful.
You have to be sociable in your work and you seem to manage this fine because the social contact does not engage you in a relationship. If you feel the old friends had said things or ignored you and you can't deal with the anxiety of playing games with people then you are not doing anything wrong at all. It's your confidence that's low. It is debilitating to have to cope with too much input. Hope you go back to your specialist if you have tried this drug for several weeks or more and can't feel any difference in your mood and anxiety levels.
You have a choice and that should be respected. Take care.
Omg, I can't believe our similarities! I feel that exact same way. My life & my home have gone to shit bc of my ever increasing anxiety. I feel like no one would understand if I told them the extremity of it. Or they wouldn't believe me. Bc, like you, I hide it. I'm afraid people will think I'm weak if they knew how bad I feel. I haven't had any desire to do anything & I avoid doing as much as possible bc everything "paralyzes" me; including opening my mail. The latter has simply piled up on nearly every surface of my house. I'm ashamed for anyone to come over. I let everything get fucked up bc I'm afraid of opening mail!? I couldn't tell anyone bc of my shame. Like what competent, 36 year old (who has been through hell & back since childhood), who helps everyone do everything ALL the time, who has always been the caretaker & glue to my family, blah blah blah, CAN'T open mail? I am so sorry that you are suffering the same way I am. Depression, anxiety & everything in between that has affected our lives in such a negative way. Please feel free to reach out to me. I'd like to know more about you. I'd like to be here to help you (if I can be of any help). Sometimes it's nice to just know you're not alone. Try to find one thing that you can do tomorrow. No matter how small or trivial it may seem. Every little thing I accomplish now makes me feel a little proud. Things that normally (used to be) daily tasks feel like a half marathon now. So try to do one thing tomorrow & give yourself credit for whatever you do. And remember...you are not alone & I am here for you.
It’s a riddle to me that it’s so easy to care for others, to do their jobs, glue family and help everyone around but when it’s me.... nothing, easiest job is impossible. I really really wonder WHY?
Sorry for interrupting...could the answer be that you don't respect yourself as you do other people? That you don't think you're worth the effort of cleaning, shopping, picking up things, whatever???? Another LIE that I hope you don't give the time of day.
Thank you for your words. Maybe that is the case. I've struggled with loving myself. Truth be told (pathetic, shallow & vain as this sounds, it's the unfortunate truth), I really only accepted myself when I was skinny. I did a med change a few years back, gained weight, workout 5-6 days a week, eat healthy, changed meds again & still can't get back to where I should be. And I hate myself more & more for that every single day. I think about my weight at least 40, 50 x's a day. I think about it the second I wake up. Nonstop throughout the day. Last thought before I fall asleep. I'm not saying this to get a motivational speech or anything in return. I guess I'm admitting this for the first time (by telling anyone it would draw attention to how fat I am) bc I had to? To show me what's holding me back? Idk. I'm just rambling now & my ADD has once again not failed to bring me to a different subject. Tomorrow is another day, & I hope your tomorrow is kind to you.
Dear, dear Margo, you are the same person inside that brain of yours and inside that heart and soul of yours both before and after the weight gain. It seems we ALL pay that ugly, UGLY price for our meds and mental well being and maybe due to aging and whatever else befalls us through the years. It's our messed up culture and media that overdo the message that skinny is the only acceptable way to be loved...we know, really KNOW BETTER in our logical hearts and minds that it's all a bunch of b#ll and fashion sales promotional cr*p...so why do we even consider it for a moment??
Yes, we prefer to be our best at all times...but life is rarely that easy or perfect is it?? We constantly have to settle for less than perfect in all manner of things in life. I love me no matter how much I weigh...even though I REALLY WISH I could weigh less...I know I still look good...just not my ideal best. You are infinitely lovable no matter whether you look your ideal best or less than that. You KNOW that!! Why waste your time thinking you are LESS THAN??? You have better things to do with that awesome brain of yours. Better things to do with your time. So get going enjoying life more and regretting less, ok? PM me anytime if you want to. You deserve to be happy with yourself! ok?? Life is for living!! And even those with ADD need to do that living!!! I know lots about that, too! Go for it!!! Hugs, Love, and Blessings...
You have elements of anxiety based on everything you've shared. You have described a lot of fear that fills your days. Of course, only a doc can diagnose that but as you say, you've shared more here than you've shared with anyone.
Try DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). I agree with others that some talk therapy may help and I also think DBT would help a lot. DBT is like CBT PLUS... more. Are there any DBT classes around you? DBT is fantastic. I recommend the DBT class over the workbook but I know classes aren't always available, and if insurance doesn't cover, it can be expensive. If a class is not possible, get Marsha Linehan's workbook: amazon.com/Skills-Training-...
But you can't just read the workbook- you have to do all the "homework" in it. Which means taking yourself on field trips and pushing yourself to do things you'd rather not do. DBT courses go a LONG time. Over a year for some people, because it takes that long to start making changes in the way you do things and it takes that long for the concepts to sink in.
The reason I recommend DBT is 1) you said CBT wasn't helpful. DBT has elements of CBT in it but there are some differences 2) You've described several times how you have trouble asserting yourself 3) It takes the concepts in CBT and adds on so much more- many, many basic lifeskills!
In a reply above, you said that you think of yourself as trash. You are not trash in the least. Work on changing those messages you give yourself. Do you know how much you've helped others here on this board? You are a brilliant, precious gem, orangeblossom! Tell yourself that many, many times every single day 🤗
Your challenges sound so much like mine! Even while I was raising my children, I found it extremely hard to function. That was before depression was understood as well as it is today. I suffered depression/anxiety/PTSD for decades before being diagnosed. Since then, I've developed several coping skills that help me now.
Like you, I pretend a lot. But, now, never with my doctor or husband. The old habit of pretending was hard to break. I now feel that since I am spending time with my doctor, I cheat myself on so many levels if I'm not honest. And, it took time to realize when I was pretending! I had bought into the lies I had been telling myself, that I believed them. I had to write down activities I was doing between visits that bothered me, such as - sleeping way too much; fear of going outside alone; speaking to strangers; mingling at social events; keeping appoints. I took the writings with me to my appointments so I wouldn't say, "Oh, things are OK". Being honest with the three of us, my husband, my doctor, and myself, started me on the path to being able to enjoy life, more. I still have the depression and anxiety, but they are much, much less that before.
Being as honest and open with your doctor as you are with us, each and every time you see them, will let them know what is really going on. A doctor can't treat you effectively or efficiently if they don't know what is really going on. Once you start to open up, you will be able to start taking the baby steps that lead out of the darkness. By the way, I am not 'honest' with anyone outside my immediate family. My feeling is no one else needs to know about my illness, any more than they need to know I am anemic! But, then, I have my husband as my best friend. I do feel you need someone to talk to who knows you well.
Still praying you find some peace. I'm here if you need me. You can pm me, if you wish.
Wow, I'm so sorry you feel this way. I, too, struggle with anxiety and panic disorder and I have experienced times of extreme fear of leaving home and feeling paralyzed. It is so incredibly important that you be honest with yourself and others about your struggles. It will lead you to healing. I pray that you can find just one person that you can begin to open up to. Therapy does sound like a good option. If you are interested in speaking with someone that you don't have to pretend with, please reach out to this group at (855-382-5433). I pray you will find healing for your soul!
Have you talked to your doctor about this? If you are currently on medication then it clearly is not working. If you do not advocate for yourself, nothing will change. I was like you for years and I realized I didn't live life, I just existed. I decided it wasn't good enough, so I decided to aggressively get treatment. I knew, no matter what anyone else said or did, it was up to me. I don't how to explain it, I can only say my frustrations and disappointments in life fueled a fire in me, a rage that overwhelmed all my fears,phobias, and illnesses. I used that anger to fight to find a treatment that worked. I wish there was someone to advocate for us, to help us, but that person doesn't exist. We have to save ourselves, I wish I had a positive or more hopeful response. But I don't want to lie, I can only tell you what worked for me. I became a warrior, fighting a battle I refuse to lose.
the problem is that when i speak, noone belives me. i tell that i feel so down and that nothing is working for me, and they tell me in response that it seems like im all fine just avoiding..
how did you start? how did you make other people belive you?
well, my whole childhood I kept it all in, and by the time I was 12 I lost it, screaming I wanted to die, my parents took me to the doctor who immediately told my parents to take me to the hospital, and that began my history with mental health! When you say no one believes you, do you mean family? Or doctors? Family, I can understand because unless a person has these issues, they can bury their heads in the sand and pretend it isn't there, but a doctor not believing you would really raise my eyebrows. That , to me, would be a bad doctor!!!! If that is the case, find a new one! I don't know where you are from but if you can see a psychiatrist or need a referral to see one due to insurance , do it. Be proactive, look online and see what psychiatrists are in your area, you can read reviews and see if they are accepting patients, and if they accept your insurance. You want to be able to work with a doctor that listens to you and is actively trying to help you. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I think they are a great fit for me, but I went through many years of doctors that were not right for me, and that was hard. I also started volunteering in studies at large hospitals because I wanted so desperately to change. That is actually how I met my psychiatrist, she was running a study! She did an incredible review of my medical history, and found although I was severely depressed, I had treatment resistant depression. She got me into the study that changed my life, a ketamine study. After the study she asked me to be her patient. She also found that I had other issues I was not addressing, not just the depression. I think I was incredible lucky because I felt like I was on my last leg, and even though it took half my life to find these great doctors and finally got the proper treatment I needed, I don't look back. If I waste time on having to lose the first half of my life to depression, it would take away from me living the other half! You might find that something like TMS works for you or for some people ECT works. Everyone is different, that is why until you try a treatment, you won't know. I did find one thing is important, you have to be an advocate for yourself.
Force myself through it. Once you start going, you start liking whatever you do, and focus on doing it good and swift.
Everything in life is similar to studying - hard to open the book to start preparing for the exam but once you force through 30 minutes it gets easier. Then you start thinking about different questions, interest grows and voila - you are doing the thing at a high level.
I feel this way sometimes too. U just gotta take the jump and allow urself to be uncomfortable. I wish I could tell u it gets less uncomfortable but for me it hasn’t. But I always feel proud of myself for challenging myself in social settings for example or with something I didn’t think I could accomplish. Keep trying. Baby steps
I hear ya. Honestly most my days I feel that way too. But I tell myself that if I don’t keep trying, no one can do it for me. That’s all that keeps me going.
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Someone i know from since all my trauma has started, like 2-3 is acting really weird. It's driving me miserable 
Wiorthless and inadequate- how can I build my confidence and self esteem back?
Here is how I feel all the time. Here is me!
Why do I lie so much?
Does anyone deal with this?
