Well I quit my job today because I'm always sad and it made it hard to work when I felt so uncomfortable but now I'll be jobless and living with a family I hate. I have no close friends I live near. I have a couple people I can talk to bother over the Internet. I hate myself, no confidence, no self esteem, and I'm never happy. I have never had a relationship, never had a kiss, never went to a prom, nothing enjoyable. I'm 24 I honestly don't think my life matters in the slightest, my family sick of me and thinks I only get depressed when I work but no one thinks how it feels to think of killing yourself , having bad anxiety every single day and the little enjoyment I get is playing an xbox. I could go on for a while and I know I make alot of similar post but it's because I just want to die. I'm tired of this being my life and I think death is my only escape
Even worse: Well I quit my job today... - Anxiety and Depre...
I know I should try it and I wouldn't mind it but I don't know if ill have a way to therapy anymore. I've never felt close with my family or my mother at all, so today I quit my job and when I told her she said it's funny how whenever I have to do something I'm depressed, which isn't true at all. I've been thinking of dying since I was 8, I can remember thinking how I didn't matter as a kid and I still feel the same. Even as a kid I was sad I just don't think it'll ever change after this long.
I know exactly how you feel. I had paralyzing anxiety attacks every single morning and had to quit my job as well. I want you to remember one thing: you matter. No matter how bad things get, you matter. You're alive. You're not done on this place we call home yet. I know what it's like to lose someone because of this monster of mental illness. It still hurts. I know that not having a relationship or going to prom or even kissing someone is a confidence killer, but rise above it. Fight through it. Find a therapist tomorrow and get in ASAP. Use Xbox Live to your advantage. You said your family is sick of you, but you can have a 2nd family that you get to pick. They may be all over the world, but they're there. Death is never an escape, it's simply transferring your pain to someone else. Don't kill yourself. There is so much life to live. Romance will come. I promise. I thought relationships were a need be, but they were all toxic, abusive and crappy. Then I found the one after all the toxicity and me breaking. You have at some point, impacted someone's life. Take it one day at a time, care for yourself, love yourself. That's fighting the fight. Stay safe. You matter.
Llama, I am so sorry for your struggle! I saw you began seeing a therapist, please keep going, it takes months for you to see if it will be life-giving for you or not. Also, perhaps seeing a medical doctor for anxiety and depression, to help you in public situations, or however the doctor sees fit.
For me, I found my complete freedom in my true identity. The knowledge that I was created for a purpose and that depression is an enemy trying to stop me from living in my fullness of that purpose was life-changing.
Also, I found freedom, when I started serving others. Perhaps volunteer in an area that would bring you joy.
Apply for jobs you would enjoy doing.
When I got my freedom and started carrying myself in a different way, people were attracted to me like moths to light. In a very good way. I have new friends and am actually living outside of the four walls of a dark room.
Video games can zap your melatonin, which disrupts sleep and can cause anxiety. I know it is an opportunity to zone out and not think, but maybe consider journaling instead of video games for a season.
I listen to worship music, read the bible and spend time praying.
I have links on anxiety and depression if you are interested but I don't want to 'spam' anyone.
I pray that you have a new passion rise up in you for life, and clarity on how valuable you truly are. You were created for a purpose. You were known by your creator long before this world discouraged you and this season does not need to be your forever. I pray for new revelation in Jesus name!
That makes it harder to be motivated I am sure, but not impossible. Maybe going for a walk every day, will help you see things with new eyes. Maybe if you don't know what you enjoy 'yet' you need to try new things. Paint, write, etc. My brother is considering video game college of some sort ( I am horrid with knowing the techy stuff ) Because that is his interest and motivation. I am pretty introverted and have an illness I can't work beyond a few miles from home, so I am writing, painting, reaching out to other like yourself, and just exploring what I can do from here. Maybe that is a start for you. What can you do from home? Perhaps your area has rides or transit system for you to get to therapy. There is even online therapy these days!
I know when you are in the mess, it is easy to get tunnel vision. I was there and do understand. But don't stay there!!!
I do understand. But I know without a shadow of a doubt you have a purpose. And beyond this moment and feelings, I am believing for freedom and revelation of what that is for you.
Here is a number for counseling referral 855-382-5433 to help more than I can. But I am still here.
Also, some resources to look over: bit.ly/2FvdfG2
Sometimes we have to keep walking and living in the sadness.... to get to the other side of the journey. For example, I hated quitting a job I LOVED to be home because of illness. I was so stinking sad. Oh how I cried and hid in a dark room, but through it all, through that season, I have discovered a journey I am extremely excited to pursue. I never would have had that had I not gone through the mess. I call it going through the mess on the way to success. Cheesy I know but...it motivates me.
I write a blog writing4joy.com. I wrote much of my journey of depression there and what was robbing me of my joy.
I truly do understand that. This is why others can believe for you that you are relevant and that you have a purpose. See when in the dark, you don't see with clear glasses. And sometimes someone coming along and wiping them clean gives you a start you need to believe it. I am praying that for you, for you to see yourself as the creator does. Loved and not forgotten.
You have to tough it out because it's the crappy times that make the good times worth it. I know it seems easier to have a life that comes easy, but the quality of it wouldn't be the same. Think of it as being nerfed in a game. They had to nerf you because you're too strong. All this energy will get used as fuel to get you back in the groove. I know there's something that is your why. Keep going.
Sometimes, I know for me, I was comfortable in my nothing. I didn't want to be sad and depressed but it was all I knew. Then there came a day when I said, I have had enough I want to live. Sometimes just declaring it makes a shift.
For me Jesus was my life saving oh my gosh hello He is so amazing moment. I know not everyone goes that route but that was my YES!!! And even then not always sunshine and roses, but I always knew where my answers were. Where do you stand on that thought?
LOL one time in our life things were going SO bad, that my son was telling classmates at school everything that was going wrong, then the counselor calls me up and asks if my son was making up stories because there was no way she could see that much bad happening all at once. I laughed and said, yep it is..... So I do understand feeling like nothing is working. But now.... Magic And I know there will be more seasons of ups and downs. I am believing you will have some ups.
Speak good out loud. When you hear the lies that you will never see good, call it out. That is a lie, I will see good. I will be glad. I will have joy. I know it seems silly, but eventually, your heart will believe it. Out of your mouth spoken, goes back to your ears, then to your brain and your physical body benefits.
That's depression for you. An endless cycle of feeling inferior and full of guilt. I have had it for years. Along with PTSD and anxiety. I understand how you feel. But you shouldn't ever feel like you aren't good enough. Bad things happen to lots of people. More people are in this war than you and I will ever know. This is why it's so important to break this cycle of bad things happening. It seems it's the meaning of the events are the most frustrating. It's like playing Call of Duty and someone keeps killing you and you can't see them. Depression is a camper. Take new approaches and take it out. Don't rage quit.
Hi llama00, if it makes you feel a little better, know that I am going though very similar emotions and experiences. I quit my job and am still jobless. I hate myself and have no confidence what so ever. I have never felt so alone in my life. And so much more. When I read your post, I thought maybe we could help each other through this hell hole we’re living through.
I know it’s very hard but just today I discovered a video that gave me some faith and I hope it can do the same for you. It’s call urge to quit TD jakes (watch the 3:21 min video) on YouTube.