I’m not all I need to be... yet

[Starrlight]

I’m trying. But it’s not good enough and I just got a wake up call. So I am now trying even harder. I feel horrible. I am depressed as I’ve hurt someone and I’ve tried so much to make it up to them. And I will keep trying. I’m also trying not to be depressed but to take it as a positive realization of sight into who I want to be. New habits. Bigger hearts 🥰 ♥️ 💕

[hypercat54]

Well done Starr. Never forget that you can only do your best and even if you feel it's not good enough, it is. Best is best and no one can expect more from you than that. x

[Starrlight in reply to hypercat54]

☺️ thank you so much sweet Hypercat.

[hypercat54 in reply to Starrlight]

You are very welcome my friend. Always here for you. xx

[Starrlight in reply to hypercat54]

❤️ I’m always here for you too.

[jkl5500]

We all wish we could "unsay" things we've said in the past. Please don't beat yourself up endlessly over this. All you can do is make amends as best you can. This illness always magnifies the bad feelings, so keep that in mind, too. It sounds like you've already shown this person that you're sorry, and that you care about him/her. So now, give yourself a little peace.

[Starrlight in reply to jkl5500]

I will give myself some peace thank you so much for your insight yes I am sorry but I fear I won’t do as well as I want. I can’t be totally comfortable either as I have some changing of ways to do. Thanks much Jkl! P.s. With this illness sometimes it is hard to see what is right there isn’t it? ... things can become distorted.

[NCAQuilter]

Hypercat and JKL are right - Your best is all anyone can expect, and depression blows things all out of proportion. BYW, I think your best is damn good! If you have done your best to apologize, then the ball is in the other person's court. Relax, and forgive yourself for any harm you may have done. Undoubtedly, the 'harm' is much less than your perception gives you. And, I sincerely doubt you intended to do any harm. You are truly one of the good ones!

[Starrlight in reply to NCAQuilter]

(((((((((( ❤️ NCAQuilter ❤️ )))))))) thank you

[kenster1]

the biggest and most important word you wrote is YET.keep at it keep strong and keep moving forward.

[Starrlight in reply to kenster1]

Awwww awesome ... thank you sooooo!

[hypercat54]

I don't know if this is appropriate and will help you Starr but going to tell you a little story. I went to darts as usual and the landlady was very upset with me and had a right go accusing me of saying something nasty about her son. I was puzzled and couldn't remember anything.

Then I remembered being annoyed at myself and feeling bad about myself for something. I called myself a ****** ******. At that exact moment her son appeared and she thought I was talking about him. Anyway I told her what had happened and said sorry but it was aimed at myself and not her son.

She said she didn't believe me but we would put it behind us. And you know what? It didn't matter whether she believed it or not coz I told the exact truth. I realised that the ball was in her court and I had done all I could to set it right.

I have never forgotten that lesson in life. x

[Starrlight in reply to hypercat54]

Awww thank you soooo much for sharing, beautiful❤️ This reminds me that it’s most important what we know of ourselves and in our hearts despite what others think.

[hypercat54 in reply to Starrlight]

You are very welcome my love. If you know in your heart you have dealt with someone fairly and done everything you can then if they get funny with you it's them and not you. x

[Starrlight in reply to hypercat54]

So true 😊

[_amabelizzario]

Inspiring words Starr. I'm happy for your realizations. Hypercart said it all. We do the best that we can with what we have, we have emotions to deal with, knowledge that came with experience.

[hypercat54 in reply to _amabelizzario]

And I am old so have lots of experience x

[Starrlight]

Yes I really feel I’m learning and sometimes relearning here and now.

[hypercat54]

My generation had to learn things the hard way coz there was no internet when we were young and no sites like this one. I wish I had known many things sooner but that's just the way it is. x

[Starrlight in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks for sharing some of the well earned wisdom.