I Really Need Advice Regarding Wife w/ Anxiety

[Ed_A_Bul]

As the title says, my wife has both GAD and SAD in addition to agoraphobia. She's been getting progressively worse over the last six years that we've been married. At this point she's barely able to walk outside without having a panic attack. She's also started having them whenever I'm gone at certain times of day. Last month I lost my job and was not able to get unemployment. Last week I got a decent job offer. It's a bit far from my house and would require me to work day shift or night shift as needed. Today was my third day on the job and I worked from 2pm to 10pm. At the end of my shift I saw that my wife had texted me. She had a major panic attack tonight and is now demanding that I quit my job or refuse to work nights. When I didn't immediately agree, she called me selfish and told me I quit or we get divorced. I've been applying to just about any job that I qualified for and this is the only one that got back to me. We have no money and until this week, no source of income. I want to help her but I feel like quitting my job would be a huge mistake. To top everything off, I have PTSD and depression which was getting worse when I was unemployed. I'm just starting to have a little shred of hope and actually feeling pretty good about myself for the first time in quite awhile. I feel like quitting my job right now would cause me to go right back to where I was if not worse. I have no idea what I should do. Any advice anyone has is appreciated!

[Dilaw808]

Don’t quit your job. I mean, you need a job to live, eat and so on. I think she is being a little unreasonable. Maybe she needs help. Like maybe hospitalization? Sounds like she is in a crisis. And you have anxiety and depression too. That’s too much for you. My husband and I both have depression and anxiety, and I have PTSD. I love it when he works from home because I feel better when he is around. But I would never tell him to quit. That would give him more anxiety.

Especially with the financial issues you expressed you are dealing with, no way. Does she take meds? Do you? How are you going to pay for them if you don’t have a job. Maybe make an appointment with a therapist for both of you. The therapist should be able to explain things to her in a way you haven’t been able to. Or even you GP. She needs to understand the reality of the situation. You quoting would just make things worse for both of you.

[Hidden]

I have to agree, I wouldn’t quit your job and I highly doubt your wife will divorce you if she can not cope without you there. I think if you were to quit, it would just enable the continuation and escalation of her anxiety. It must put a lot of pressure on you, which it turn won’t help your depression.

Does your wife have any therapy? It sounds like she needs to do something proactive to help overcome her fears as it sounds as though they have become progressively worse over the last six years. Maybe look at eye movement therapy, I have not tried it but it’s supposed to be very good for phobias and PTSD.

[Dilaw808 in reply to Hidden]

EMDR. I’m suppose to do that next. It’s suppose to be amazing

[BlueCat89]

Hi, I'm new here and I'm in a terrible position myself but I would just like to say that your wife is going through a very, very hard time as well. Even though I'm sure you already know. Doctor's visits are too expensive and hospitalization is even more so. I would suggest to her to have someone, a friend or relative, come over to keep her company. Or maybe have something to occupy her time while you are away. Check in with her as often as you can so she knows you're thinking about her. And as far as you, I wouldn't quit. You both need for you to have this job. I went without a job for a few months and my depression was really bad, I brought down everyone around me. You quitting isn't going to be supportive of you or her. Good luck! I'm here if you need an ear.

-B

[AZ1970]

You need to have income and a way to support you and your wife. I commend you for being supportive of her. You cannot be her main source of emotional support. Enabling that is not good for either of you. Please know that her threat was the anxiety speaking. Don’t do what is best for the illness. Do what is best for your wellness and future together.

[dore13]

Your wife needs serious help, she should be hospitalized because her issues are so serious that I think she may need constant care and she needs to address the issues so she can live a productive good life. Her demands are outrageous and shows a lack of common sense. I hate to say this, I think you need to put your foot down and tell her to get that help she desperately needs. There are meds that can help, there are techniques that she can learn. You also have to take care of yourself, and your needs too, please don't quit your job! The fact she cant logically understand without a job, you can't have a place to live, buy food, or have insurance is somewhat disturbing. She needs help badly, and I hope she agrees to get it. I wish you luck.